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10 Ways To Improve Your Self Esteem


Once any relationship is over, you need to take the well-deserved time to focus on yourself. Make the improvements you need to make so that you don't end up in a negative situation. You have to become a stronger version of yourself - for no one other than yourself. You are ultimately the only person you can rely on, when things are good or when things are bad. So it's important to know you can actually rely on yourself, that you won't completely fall apart under pressure. Yes, we all have those moments of weakness, even getting out of bed is like climbing mount Everest. But, you can work each and every day to overcome those set backs and be something amazing!

No, it's not easy. Recovering from something that has broken you down never really is. It gets worse before it gets better, but you have to believe in your heart that it will get better. (A side note I should have added to yesterdays post: Abusive relationships aren't exclusive to romance. You can abusive friends and family members. Abuse is the same, regardless of where it is coming from.)

Here are 10 ways you can improve your self esteem, regardless of what brought you down in the first place:

1. Compliment Yourself

Of course, don't go overboard. You're looking to build your self esteem, not become a total narcissist. But giving yourself a compliment here and there is important. Many of us rely too much on hearing nice things from other people. We fail to realize we're just as capable of making ourselves feel good. If you love that outfit you're wearing, voice it. You rocked that make up tutorial? Show it off. Make yourself feel good.

2. Focus On Your Good Traits

Too often we let the negativity around us dictate our focus. You need to forget about everything that's wrong in your life and in yourself and focus on everything that's right. Make a list of all your best qualities and use it as a daily reminder. Add to it regularly. Make positive changes so that you can always be adding things to that list. Leave post-it notes around your house with these traits on them. Or even those daily compliments. Celebrate yourself and your worth.

3. Don't Be Too Hard On Yourself

Everyone has bad days. Even if you're trying to be positive and enthusiastic, you're going to have a hard time on occasion. You're going to think you look awful in everything you own, or that your hair doesn't work with anything. You might think you're an awful human being who only hurts the people around you. These are feelings. Feelings are not fact. Feelings change, depending on your mood. When you're not able to feel positive, focus on the positive facts. Refer to those lists and look at what you wrote down on a day you were in a better place. Apply that to any gloomy day. If you want, head over to the automatic flatterer and let someone else compliment you for a change!

4. Don't Compare Yourself To Others

One of the worst things you can do for your self esteem is compare any quality to someone elses. Whether it's anothers physical appearance or just their accomplishments in life. We all go at a different pace. We face the same challenges in unique ways. While you may think someone has had similar experiences to yourself, you don't know how those experiences made an impact. Some people find it easier than others. That doesn't mean they are doing "better" than you are. Just, different. We are all different, but no one person is "better" than anyone else. You have to stop holding yourself to the accomplishments of others. Compare yourself only to your past self and the future self you'd like to create. Only you can know the challenges you've faced and the strength you've build during those challenges.

5. Focus On What You've OVERCOME

It can be easy to lose sight of our accomplishments when we're too focused on the challenges ahead. Forget about what you haven't achieved yet and appreciate what you've already accomplished. Celebrate the things you've made it through in your life. Look towards the future, but not with fear. Look forward with the anticipation, knowing how much you've already been through. You are strong enough to face that horizon.

6. Set Realistic Goals

Along with over-thinking what hasn't happened yet, many of us tend to set goals that we won't accomplish. There's nothing wrong with reaching fpr the stars, but if that's the only goal you set, you may only end up feeling like a failure. Set goals that are easier for you to accomplish, knowing that you will be able to overcome them. As you grow more confident in yourself and your abilities, you can reach towards bigger and more complicated goals. If you do fail to achieve something, don't dwell on it. Shrug off that failure as a learning experience and keep moving.

7. Congratulate Yourself

Recognition from other people is always a boost, but you don't *need* it. Recognize your own accomplishments and be proud of yourself. Celebrate your achievements and don't wait for other people to acknowledge all that you've done. In the wise words of Baz Luhrmann "Don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either". Moderation is the key to everything. Be proud enough that you feel accomplished so that you're going to keep pushing forward.

8. Live A Healthy Lifestyle

You read about this "healthy lifestyle" in every beauty magazine. It's all the fitness industry ever talks about. It's crept into mainstream media and even entertainment. Now, a healthy lifestyle doesn't mean cutting out all junk food and exercising until your muscles don't work anymore and you turn into jello. It means balancing the good and the bad. It means exercising in moderation, to keep your body healthy and fit. Eating fruits and vegetables every day. Drinking lots of water to stay hydrated. Also, eating chocolate with your lunch and having a drink after work. Any lifestyle that deprives you of the things you love isn't worth living. But choosing a lifestyle that offers those same things in moderation is like the best of both worlds.

9. Smile

Research says that people who smile more frequently are happier. But you don't have to feel happy to smile. You can fake a smile, just to put on a show for the people around you. That smile will quickly become real as others smile back in your direction. The compliments about how radiant your smile is will encourage you to keep on smiling. Plus, you'll like yourself more. You will. You'll see yourself smiling in a store window or catch a glimpse in the mirror. At first, you might think "how sad that I have to fake this smile for the outside world". But you'll see your reason for smiling changes the more you do it.

10. Reach Out

Finally, there's nothing wrong with asking for help when you feel the Universe is too big. While you should never *rely* on anyone else, you can always ask for support. Find yourself a nice Facebook group where people are working to help build up their self esteem. Find a support network. Call a hotline that deals with depression and talk to someone about the issues you may have. If you're recovering from an abusive relationship, you are not alone. Do not make yourself more lonely by convincing yourself that you don't want to bother other people with your issues. Don't hold in your feelings. Let them out, somewhere safe and secure. You deserve to have peace of mind.

Work harder every day to build a healthier you.

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