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Friday, September 7, 2018

The Beginning or The End

“Start at the beginning, and when you get to the end, stop.”

    Is the end the most recent story or is the end the beginning? Do we tell our tale from birth to death? No. Life begins at birth, but our stories begin at death. We only retell our stories in hindsight. So the beginning is actually the end. The end is where it all starts. We walk backwards, from the most recent tale of wonder to the first memory, the oldest tale of all time. Nothing can come before birth, so it is the beginning. But we don't know what our future holds from day one, so it is also the end. Nothing can come before and everything can come after.

    We live in a world where people walk upside down, standing on their feet. We walk with our bodies, feet following a predetermined path. One foot, then the other. Walk. Walk. Walk. Until we eventually come to the end of the road. The last breath. If we really do see our lives flash before our eyes, it only makes sense to start at the beginning. But if we walk on our heads, using our mind to guide us, we would see it only makes sense to start at the end. To move without linear guidance in whatever direction comes the most naturally.

    Linear movements are overrated when it comes to life. It's easier to follow the movement of the Universe, hear your heartbeat and move to the rhythm of your own soul. Everything may feel different, seem backwards. You may face a few time warps. Do the whole dance routine if you're feeling up to getting down. If you can't keep up, sit down. There's plenty of room. We can sit among the talking flowers and watch the smoke clouds form letters in the sky. I'll tell you everything I don't know about life and how to live it.


I've been thinking of going crazy, building one of those “strings” to try and trace the monumental moments of my past lives. Or even writing it down in a semi-linear pattern to try and figure out what went wrong and how I ended up without an identity. I always hoped I could map the cycles well enough that I'd learn to beat them. But I'm wondering if there was ever a point to trying. Is there a point to trying to do or be or solve or fix anything? No. The only thing we can actually do is ride the wave. When life sucks, just trust in blind faith that it won't suck forever. Has it always sucked? Yes. But were the moments mixed in with the misery that made it feel worth the struggle? Also, yes.

Life doesn't just dump on you. If it did, you'd be so buried in shit you wouldn't even notice anymore. In that sense, you wouldn't feel the shit, either. You'd only know it as “life”. It would all be shit covered shit that didn't seem any different from a typical Tuesday. The only people who know life sucks are the ones who have experienced something better. Maybe not recently, but at some point, something beautiful or genuine must have been present. Something that made them feel alive, maybe even happy. Something that, deep down, fuels the desire to keep going, to keep trying. Something that wasn't pure and utter shit. Isn't that something spectacular?



If you've ever had moments of thinking “life sucks”, it's only because you know that there is something amazing out there. Instead of focusing on the current shit, find that something and hold it in your dreams. Put it on your vision board (literal or just in mind). Hold on to whatever made you feel alive. Hold on to anything that makes you smile. Hold on to anything and everything that proves life isn't pure shit.  If you can't find something to make you happy, be the something for someone else. Be a shovel for someone else who is covered in this shit called life.

We all need something to fuel tomorrow. If we fall victim to the “poor me” vision of thinking life is out to get us (let's face it – there are too many people in this world for life to bully any single individual) we will drain that fuel. We'll drag ourselves from today to tomorrow, wishing we didn't have to. Wondering why we're even here, what the meaning of life is, etc. It's much easier to remember that we have experienced something spectacular. Most people don't get to experience something that makes them question the shit they were accustom to.  You are special if you have. You are the few, maybe you feel alone and lost. But you are the privileged, even if it doesn't feel that way. You know something better. You know the meaning, even if it doesn't feel that way. Find that something.

The reason you need to hold on to that something is simple: If it happened before, it can happen again. Just remember that.