Nurture

by - 3/10/2019 06:14:00 PM

Birthday card

This week, I want to say happy birthday to 3 individuals who have made a lasting impact on me and who I am. I'm not going to mention who they are, because that's not the point. The point is, I drew the card you see above in honor of 2 of them. One got a poem, the other just got my time. I've been mentally putting together a scrapbook of memories as a better gift, but I lack the motivation to actually put it together. Of course I do. I lack the motivation for everything and we all know this.

The point I want to make about the card is that it wasn't done on time. It wasn't done well. It isn't even technically finished. But, I did it. In my own time, in my own way, I still managed to put *something* together for that special person. If the thought is what counts, then I hope everyone knows how much I love them.

I don't think I show any of my friends enough love or appreciation. I know they have all dealt with a great amount of drama because of me. I could start making a list, but the one thing most of them have in common is that they have moved on. They understand and recognize that the person I was is not the person I am. The mistakes I've made can't be held against me because I'm not that person. I've learned. Grown. Unfortunately, I find there are many mistakes I'm still making, despite knowing better. I'm grateful enough to only be around people who are supportive and caring. I don't miss my old life, where I felt I had to explain myself all the time. Or worse, having to bottle my emotions up and walk on eggshells, only to have my true feelings come out in passive aggressive comments or an explosion that destroys everything. Nope. I really don't miss that life. I want to be about to show these people how much they mean to me and how much they have helped me to grow as a person. I honestly would not be where I am today if it weren't for the network I have right now.

I hope that who we are as people is based on our intentions, not our actions or inaction. But in case it isn't, I'd like to make steps towards showing my true intentions.

It's funny I would say that after everything that happened with Jay. My "true intentions" aren't always  understood. That's another thing I have to work on. I used to hate when people could read everything about me. Now I wish I was more of an open book. Not only to the people around me, but to myself. I need to learn my true intentions. I need to understand what and who is important to me, inside and out. I waste a lot of energy trying to water dying plants, while the plants that are thriving end up ignored. I need to appreciate and nurture the thriving plants. I think I'm slowly realizing who they are.

2/3 of the birthdays belong to people who inspired me to be happy. I love them both with different levels of my heart. Both soul mates and muses. Both inspiring in different ways. In fact, they couldn't be more opposing, but they share one thing in common: how I can feel because of everything they've done for me. I can never take the kind of nurturing for granted.

The 3rd is just a dead plant 🌿, but every year, he crosses my mind. I won't beat myself up about my thoughts. They come, they go. It's which ones I choose to hold onto that matter. It's the plants I choose to nurture that grow.

The plants we nurture that grow

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