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Delicious Goodies


I ate 4 of those in 5 minutes, that's how good they are.

I don't know if I'd eat so much sugar if I didn't have crippling depression. I know that stuffing came into my face makes me happy for a few minutes. It's a bandaid, not a solution. If I've learned anything about human beings over the last 2 decades of studying them, it's this: We are NEVER looking for a solution. We LOVE everything the easiest way possible. We are also creatures of HABIT, which means that no one really does well with "change". Ah, but life is constantly changing, isn't it? If you're not experiencing a change on a regular basis, it's because you're already dead. I know, I have a sick sense of humor, don't I? I don't mean dead in a literal decaying sense of the word, I mean dead spiritually. We can only grow as individuals when we are challenged. The biggest challenge is: change. Therefore, without change, we cannot grow. Or so I've heard it said.

Those who know me, my daily life, probably think nothing ever changes for me. I do the same things every day. I'm stuck in a cycle of patterns. But in my head, everything is always changing. It's actually pretty annoying, to be honest.

The other day, I bought these mason jar glasses for everyone in the house. I saw a video on YouTube for Sangria's and I wanted to make a pitcher. I haven't tried it yet. Sorry. You won't be seeing any pictures of amazing Sangrias with frozen fruit ice-cubes. Not yet, at least. But last night, I wanted a coffee. And hot chocolate. I'm fairly indecisive. So, I came up with a compromise using hot chocolate powder and instant coffee mix. WOO! This is what you're going to see pictures of...


Doesn't it look delicious? I thought it would be a lovely way to, kind of turn the day around, you know? I made drinks for the roommates, too. They didn't get the fancy ones with cupcakes. They got boring ones, like this:

These are boring

Unfortunately, it didn't really work. I felt AWFUL after drinking mine. Maybe it was just too sweet, maybe it was just the stress. I was still running over everything I hadn't said in my emails. That can be extremely stressful. It's like, knowing you have a lot to say and not being able to figure out how to say it. I think I really saw a new side of myself as well. As much as I like to think I've got more control of my emotions, it's hard to walk the line between my disassociation disorder and how I'm really feeling. I ran through so many awful comments I thought about sending. But, I had to sit myself down and ask myself; "why?". I didn't understand why I was thinking about these nasty thoughts. I knew I was hurt and conflicted and frustrated. In the end, I just couldn't let it go and I had to wrap up what was left of my thoughts and, kind of throw them into a bottle and drop them in the ocean. I didn't know if my words were ever going to find eyes, let alone the eyes of the person I was writing to. So that's basically what it felt like.

The last few days are blurring together now. There's been a lot of stress and an overload of information. I think it'll do me good to take a break. That said, I'm basically going to be drawing for the next few days. I'm going to avoid writing or thinking or feeling. You know, I'm so good at that. Or, I thought I was. I'm not so sure anymore. Maybe that's a good point of reference for reflection. I'll consider that.

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