The Catalyst


I hang on tightly as my legs dangle in the air beneath your belly. I should have held on stronger, longer. I should have put more thought into the action instead of diving on. Here we are. Weightless and worry-free. The baggage of our past selves left in a station we never stopped at. Always taking flight. Always leaving things behind. Mostly each other. But not recently. It's been everything but. It's the pleasure and the problems left behind long ago. It's the pieces of who we've been, disconnected and falling apart. I only notice when it hurts. When the pluck is just enough to pinch the skin. The rest of the feathers, I don't even care about. In those moments of pain, I can't help but wonder. Were those pieces I should have tried to keep? Am I shedding the old or shedding everything? Too tired of reminding me of myself. Too tired of being reminded of anything. I watch the memories falling, piece by piece. Briefly re-living those moments. Even the good memories brought nothing but pain. We can only exist in a whole with no emotion. Though, we'd be long gone from each other's lives if the world lacked emotion. It's all we have. All we've always had. Logic is nowhere to be found. Every time we try to bring in a third person, it just gets awkward, am I right? But I am. I am also wrong. As we all are. There's something more than us. Any of us. Little or big. Important or meaningless. Everything is meaningless because purpose hasn't really found us yet. We're waiting. Still waiting for the day it all starts to make sense. Giving up hope and drawing conclusions that a day like such will never exist. Maybe so. But are either of us willing to let go of the chance to win the lottery? It may hurt to stay invested, but to disengage would mean nothing. You would feel nothing, from now until the lights go out. A vacant existence, checked-out of the hotel that's paid in advance. Where's the logic in that? You're best to turn around, open that suitcase and make yourself comfortable. Some vacation, am I right? It's like there's nothing to see or do around these parts. Not anymore. The lights used to shine so brightly. The voices rang throughout the cities. Now it's desert sand stuck in the bottom of your shoes no matter how far you try to walk away from where you've come from. You're not making sense anymore. But does it matter? Did you ever really make sense? In those moments of clarity, was there anyone listening? Could anyone help to guide you back to the places you took flight and the lights and the smiles and the warmth? Would anyone bother? It's hard to care about someone who doesn't care about themselves. I wish you would see that. Invest more into who you are. Your dreams and goals and the endless ideas that flow like the Northern Lights in your mind. You don't see the colors anymore. It's sad. We all think so.

But, we can still see the lights. The dust that was left behind. Every once in a while, a ray will pop into the blackness and shoot the greens and blues around the waiting skies. The lights aren't gone, not dimmed. They are just stuck taking refuge behind the dark clouds that have affected everything you think about. Each of us, friend or foe, the letters and the words and the ideas and the masterpieces...We're all together and cheering for you. We're all praying those clouds to go away. We want to open your soul and let the darkness scamper away, trying to find somewhere else to hide inside. Your mind was never meant to get so dark. One light went out and they all seemed to take it as a cue. You need to shake it off. We'll try to help you. Not a clue where to guide you back to what matters most, but the willingness to be there while you figure it out for yourself. You're only limited by what you allow to stand in your way. There's nothing else stopping you. Not depression. Not the medication or the lack of certain ones. Not drinking. Not the lack of drinking. None of these are more than self-imposed barriers to keep you from succeeding. And what are you afraid of? What is the worst thing that could happen? You know you can spread your wings and take to the air, yet you don't. We see it as the worst has already happened. You've given up. Nothing you do now could possibly be more of a failure than the nothing you've been doing. Showing any sign of life would be a start. You're so prone to repeat the verses you already know. They don't even apply to your life now, but you're trying to find a way to fix the old pieces into the new puzzle. This is the challenge we've put out for you. We want you to see that it's not all the time. There are natural ends to cycles and there are moments you have to put your foot through the barrier and break it yourself. You'll see... These pieces are perfect. A perfect fit for you and to each other. They are the start of something greater than you, or any of us. You can't dance around this obstacle. You can't use the old tricks on a new problem. You're going to have to get creative and come up with a new solution. You're going to have to come out of the shell you've built yourself and learn to face your problems. You're not a bird, disregarding the pieces that fall. You are the bird carrying that bird. You are strong. You are supportive. You are holding onto a part of yourself that needs to let go. It's time. Set her free and walk away from a life of puzzles that don't fit together. Ignore the Rubix cube on the shelf that took so many years to put together. Ignore the smiling faces of every fake friend that will rise to greet the new you. None of them were there to teach you or guide you in the right direction. You took what you needed when and where. There is no room in the future for past weaknesses.

The catalyst has spoken. It's your turn to listen.

Comments