Why Can't I?

I've tried every way I've ever known
To write you off and let you go.
To force you out of my mind.
To move on with my life.
Leaving you behind in the past.
You chose to stay, and I didn't.
Only no matter what I try and do,
I'm not getting any space from you.
You got your wish, I'm far away.
Left the city, left things be.
On the outside,
You can at least see that I've tried.
To do the right thing for both of us.
We never never in love.
We were moments of bliss and joy and happiness.
But never meant to last.
Never meant to be more than a fraction of time.
You've moved on. Why can't I?
It's been so long since I've even see your face,
Yet you're embedded like it was just yesterday.
I can see see your smile and it makes my heart race.
What is it about you that I can't replace?
Not with the good or even bad.
You're like a ghost of everything I never had.
Something I wanted, a different life.
A set of circumstances so far from mine.
You never looked back, not even once.
So why is it that I can't move on?
Why do you still haunt my dreams?
Why is my heart still reeling?
It's like I've never faced the truth:
There's no getting over you.
A "first love" thing, anyone would say.
I just can't take this endless pain.
How much longer will this go on?
A decade seems like too long.
Most people get over a broken heart
After 10 years of being away from someone.
Mine missed the memo, I guess.
I can't seem to put you to rest.
The distance isn't far enough.
I taint the memories, but it's no help.
I still see those summer days passing
Us together, always laughing.
I still hear the echoes of when you'd say,
You loved me more than anything.
How proud you were to have me with you,
I can even see I was never true.
I was never there with you the same
Way you always wanting me to be.
I was disconnected, even then,
I didn't know how to let you in.
I have trust issues, to the max.
I don't know how to relax.
I've come a long way since those days,
But many of those flaws remain.
The coldness you once commented on
Has grown to be even more strong.
The ice fortress around my heart
Is taking over at an alarming rate.
I wish I could say it helped ease
The pain of you not being with me.
But the more I wall myself up,
The more I think of you and what went wrong.
If I could turn back the second hand of time,
I'd go back to those days and try to explain.
To open up and tell you why,
I was always so far away.
To right the wrongs I can see I made.
To change the course of fate.
I know this isn't possible.
So then I think about the future.
About two roads merging into one.
We may meet again, may have fun.
It's all wishful thinking, I know.
So why can't I just let you go?
Why Can't I? Why Can't I? Reviewed by Ali Larsen on December 13, 2017 Rating: 5

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