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The Problem WITH PC Culture

I needed to share this video... I have many opinions on this generation of political correctness. But every thought I have tried creating ...

Starting With Baby Steps

I just read an article written by someone who was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. As a result, she was learning how to cope with her illness. The article was old, so it was still something that had a stigma. It's not the same anymore, now that everyone seems to want to have a mental disorder. Everyone talks about it now. When this article way written in 2009, that wasn't the case. Now, my purpose to mention this article wasn't the article itself but what it made me realize...

I am only coming to terms with my depression now. That means regardless of how long I've suffered, unaware of the illness that was eating me alive, I am only NOW moving towards a cure. Or at least coping. I am at the beginning of a very long journey.

Her article compared starting her rehabilitation to being a toddler, learning everything over, but with a different understanding. She also mentioned how regardless of the strength she used to have, she's learning how to live with none. She mentioned running a marathon once upon a time, but now, not being able to get out of bed. She emphasized celebrating small accomplishments, like everyone always does. But it was her examples that made her article stand out.  She said that putting her shoes beside her bed is one step towards eventually putting them on and jogging around the block. That's good enough to get, because she understands that she has a long way to go between that and actually running.

I know all about this illness in theory, but in practice, it's a different kind of monster. I guess it comes down to my lack of acceptance, coming to terms, and struggling to understand how the illness affects me personally.

I see so many posts about goal setting and getting motivated. About consistency, especially when it comes to writing. Time management and building lasting habits. Self care. The whole nine yards... But it's all ideas and theories to me. I can't put any of this into practice. At least, not yet. I can't set goals because there's nothing I'm working towards. I'm not working towards anything because I've spent so long thinking I had no future. I thought I had no future because this illness has drained the life right out of me. But now that I know, that's the first step in healing. Unfortunately, I don't think I can really start the journey of acceptance without fully understanding the reach of this disease. I know how depression affects other people, but I'm not entirely clear on how it affects me. This is what I need to learn. I need to learn my limitations in order to start overcoming them.

And I guess I need to be a little less hard on myself about where I am in my life. I am trying. That's all I can ask of myself right now. It feels like nothing, you know? We're all trying, but most people succeed. Why am I different? What makes me think this way? Why can't I just be like everyone else? What is wrong with me? I'm sure I could drown myself in those questions.


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