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Honesty Upfront

Original date of publication: May 15th, 2015

It's a risky tactic, but it's worth it.

I learned when I was younger how to disable bullies. I had a problem, like I'm sure most people did. I wasn't popular, and I was different. The combination meant everyone made fun of me for something or other. At the time, I felt alone. Isolated from anyone I thought could understand. Then I saw the movie 8 Mile. I couldn't relate to his life, of course. I was raised in a happy home with two parents, and no emotional traumas that weren't easily overcome. No. What I learned from that movie was in the rap battle at the end. That I had the power to disable my bullies by accepting and flaunting those same traits they made fun of me for. They said I was a lesbian, they used to tease me about it. So finally I said, "so what if I am?" Well, I had given them the punchline and they no longer found the joke funny. I glided through the rest of high school untouched.
Now I'm older, and though I still hold that sentiment, I apply it in a different way.

In my relationships, for example, I put it all on the table. What I mean by that is, I introduce my worst qualities and habits first. My first date with someone usually goes like this: "Hi, my name is Ali. When I was 7 years old I stole a handful of penny candies which to this day I still feel guilty for. I also swear like a trucker, and am very awkward in social situations". Needless to say, my first date is usually my last with a person. But I don't mind. It makes my life a little easier. Because I know if the person is still interested, enough for a second date, it won't be a waste of time. There's nothing "down the line" they're going to find out that will change their opinion of me, or be a deal breaker.

You know, everyone says who we're dating today is a different person than we wake up beside tomorrow. Tomorrow you'll see the flaws and imperfections that you didn't see before. The more you get to know a person, the more you're finding out. With me, the only thing you're going to "find out" that will change your opinion of me will probably be for the better.

It's a risky tactic, I know. But it works.

At least for me. There aren't any roadblocks in my relationships that are based on my unveiled personality. Of course, the people I choose to date are hardly ever like that. So, the roadblocks are me finding out their worst qualities and habits. Though, there are some people who have had the same honesty upfront approach with me. And even though those relationships didn't last - those are the ones who are still some of my best friends.


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