Scolling

I spend a lot of time scrolling through social media, not comparing myself to how others live, but looking for inspiration to write. Many ideas flow through my mind, but less like a stream and more of a waterfall. I can't catch them. Before I even have a word, the thought is gone from mind. I don't know if it's some form of ADHD or if I'm just crazy. I don't know if I'm caught up in a rabbit hole, always looking for a way out without even realizing it. Social media works as a distraction for many people, though few seem to realize that's why they can't look away. You can call it a "fear of missing out", but that's mumbo jumbo. We are all looking for distractions, even if we have the best intentions. "I'm looking for inspiration", or am I? Maybe I'm just caught in the same whirlwind I pretend to be beyond. I'm scrolling endlessly through words and images and people and places and things and it's maddening. All in the name of art. But those who write actually write. Those who paint actually put paint to canvas or some other surface. It's not enough to say I have a profession if I'm not actively living it. But I'm not actively living, either. My mind is stuck in the same endless cycle of scrolling, only it's not content from other people. I'm scrolling through my own content. Seas of original (or as close to it as I can get) ideas. Images and captions in my mind. Ever music and accompanying videos have played out in my head, unseen in another location. But I don't know how to do anything. I have all these thoughts and no method to get them out. So I scroll. I scroll through my thoughts and I scroll through social media. In the back of my head, I'm hoping for an answer, a solution. But I know in my heart there isn't going to be one. I'll sooner drown in these ideas than bring them to life. It's almost a shame, except none of it would be any good anyway. Ultimately, maybe that's the reason I can't create anything. I don't actively believe in myself anymore.


Scolling Scolling Reviewed by Ali Larsen on January 07, 2020 Rating: 5

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