A Challenge

How had this happened to me? I've always been so careful. I've used my head, my logic. I've never been so careless. I've never let my heart chase the shadows of a butterfly. I know that you can never catch them. I know better. But one look at this boy... That was all it took. I was hooked. Everything about him appealed to my deepest desires. If his general presence didn't lure me in, his smile would have. I spent our first meeting trying not to look like 8 was staring. But I was. He wasn't unobservant. He knew and he could see right through my attempts to keep a space between us. I succeeded, if only in the physical realm. Emotionally, I was already draped across his lap. He was running his hand through my hair as I mindlessly stared at the movie on the TV. But mostly, just waiting for the opportunity to stare at him without being noticed. To memorize every single tattoo decorating his toned body. The curve of his back. The way his stomach ripples. That smile... Those barely sparkling eyes... I could have spent forever in those moments.

Of course, this was all a fantasy. One of many that have played through my head since the day I met him.

The reality was that I sat on the floor, keeping as much space between us as possible. I didn't want to give the impression that I was easy. The kind of girl who gives everything up on the first date. I like to be a bit more mysterious. But really, it's just because of my nerves. It'd been so long since I tried dating that I wasn't sure how any of it worked. I tried a few before him too. There was just no chemistry. I was giving up. He was the last person I gave my phone number to. The last person I bothered to try with. Just like that, the fantasies took off on their own direction without any regard for the street signs that said "One way".

I started waiting by the phone, day after day. I always had my fingers crossed that he'd call. After we'd see each other, it was like shooting up and I was addicted all over again. I wanted more. Always more. They say there's no such thing as too much of a good thing. That has to be mutual. It's not enough to feel the desire if it's unwelcomed. I knew what I was getting into, he made it perfectly clear from the start. But I lost control of myself somewhere along the way. I'd like to think it was later, but I'm giving myself too much credit. I was out of control the moment he pulled up to my house. I mean, he opened the door for me. I could swoon over just that.

One of the things I found myself most drawn to was the way he presented himself. He was cocky. He was sure of himself. When challenged, he didn't look back for even a second. He didn't he it. He demonstrated that he wasn't all talk, like so many before (and after) had been. I could never get used to that. It would always be a surprise to me. A pleasant reminder that he was not like everyone else. He was different.

Or that's what I thought at least. I came to learn he'd be just like everyone else in the end. I'd be left wondering too many thoughts that shouldn't bother cluttering my brain. The what ifs. The why's. The endless questions that could drive even the most sane person crazy. I'm already crazy, I don't really need help finding new things to obsess over.

I've always been good at reading people. Excellent even. But this boy... He threw a curveball. I swung and I missed by a landslide. He a challenge. But not one I'm inclined to give up on. Back down, reevaluate sure. But there's something in my head and heart telling me to push through. What would you do?
A Challenge A Challenge Reviewed by Ali Larsen on March 29, 2020 Rating: 5

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