Monday, September 14, 2020

Summer Romances


I think summer romances are my favorite. They are the most beautiful to reminisce about. The magic just soars through the air. That evening wind in the heart of summer, cooling bodies after a hot day. Relaxing at the beach with a few drinks and a guitar. The campfires. The closer quarters. The sweat-soaked skin. The smell of freedom and the taste of tomorrows dreams. Watching the sunset. These are the moments that love was meant to be lived in. These are the moments that you're meant to create something more. Memories that last a life time.

These summer nights remind me of many that we spent together. The only real difference is now we're worlds apart. The echo of traffic is no longer competing with the sound of our shared laughter over people who would become us one day. Though we never thought we'd end up this way, did we? We only knew what we felt in the moments. The magic we created together. We couldn't have treasured those moments because we didn't know they'd never last.

The beauty of the best moments in our lives is that they never last. If those golden days were always there, we'd only take them for granted. In order to appreciate the best things in life, they have to be fleeting. We have to grasp them, but only enough to say we held them. But not enough to say we had them. The way you never truly have a person. The way I never truly had you. But if I had kept you; I'd never know the ache of missing you. Absence makes the heart grow fonder after all.

I've loved you since I first laid eyes on you, even though I saw you with antoher woman. In my heart, I knew that you and I were meant to be so much more. That only grew when you told me that you felt the same. That we were meant to be. To bring a dream to life. To live in a world of magic. You were everything my heart could have ever wanted, even though I never knew it. But like every other magic, it's only a parlor trick. Only, I was the magician and you didn't know what hit you when it all came crashing down. I never meant for that. I was too scared to give in to something I knew could disappear at any minute. I was young. Naive. Stupid. It's all the same anyway.

In order to stop holding a grudge against the world, you have to stop holding a grudge against yourself. Accept and acknowledge the wrong doing of the past, and even the future. Because no one is perfect and no one can prevent making mistakes. They happen and we learn from them. We grow and we overcome. If everything worked out, there would be no room to grow or advance. To become stronger, wiser. We would be left in the depths of stagnation, unable to transform into our higher selves. Or at least that's what I try telling myself.

I count the stars to fall asleep at night, wishing for clarity in my dreams. Only I know dreams are only the subconscious mind, likely to play tricks on my mind. Telling my heart what it wants to hear, instead of reality. Though forcing my inner desire to face itself, if nothing else. And the truth boils down to the fact that I miss you. I wish I could just say hi on social media. Ask how you've been. Exchange stories. Be friends... But I know I severed those ties in such an irreparable way that it's the real pipe dream I'm chasing.

If the greatest question is how to make love stay, how do I make you go? How do I force the image of you out of my head? How do I make it so your name is the same as any other? How do I erase the feeling of your presence lingering in my soul? How... How... How... How do I keep myself from losing grip, giving into the idea of an ahernate reality where you're still in the frame?

No comments:

Post a Comment