He quiets my mind. Above all else, all the things I adore about him. His smile, his eyes, his touch. The physical connection, amazing sex. The longing and the push and pull. Passion. The way he makes me laugh. These are all such beautiful things. But I must value the way mind reacts when I'm in his presence. He soothes my soul. He calms the chaos inside of me. It's easier to think, without anxiety or reading too much into things. It's that lack of noise that speaks so much louder than words ever could. Who cares about pictures? Who cares about getting to know each other? I can actually think when I'm around him. I can breathe. I can smile. I can feel comfortable in my own skin. He makes me comfortable with myself. I know what it all means, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do with it. I'm waiting for the moment this is all gone, that I'm left with my thoughts again, wondering who I am and what my purpose is and why I'm even alive. With him, I can concentrate enough to even watch a movie. I wish I could capture the way he makes me feel in a capsule. I'd never want this feeling to fade. If I had the chance, I'd work hard to keep the balance. I know I need to learn to do that without someone else making me feel okay. It's a crutch. But there's nothing wrong with a distraction that helps you to clarify things for yourself. Maybe that's all he is. But around him, things just make sense. I need more of that in my life.

Chaos Chaos Reviewed by Ali Larsen on November 04, 2020 Rating: 5

No comments:

Powered by Blogger.