Never Signing Off

  Chapter 21 Being Me I can't help thinking about the path I've been on and the dead end I've reached. I thought I was headed in the right direction, but everything I thought I knew turned out to be wrong. I thought I was learning from our past mistakes, but everything I learned only served as a reminder of what went wrong. I think everything went wrong. I think Crystal was right: Don't ask questions. She said, we just have to enjoy the ride and not worry so much about the destination. I think I spent too much time considering how we were going to end up. I didn't even realize how far apart our path had taken us from each other. But, seeing Kathleen in his house for the second time, it became clear. There's turbulence as the plane takes off from the runway. I can't deny that a part of me is smiling at the idea of it going down. I know that Crystal doesn't want to die. She's just getting her life back together and she's more exci...

  Chapter 20 Taking Off Crystal told me what happened after I left the show. She was disappointed that there was no confrontation, no show down. Hunter got out of there even quicker than I did, taking the opposite direction. He abandoned a confused and hysterical Kathleen. Crystal invited her out for drinks because she felt bad. She knew Kathleen was just a pawn. She was also bored and I had abandoned her. “ I want to keep an open dialogue.” Crystal explains, holding up her cellphone. She took Kathleen's number and they've been texting each other since I left. Crystal smiles, looking over. “ She wants to know how you're holding up. I think she feels bad about everything that happened.” She offers. I laugh. “ Yeah. It's really hard to steal someones boyfriend, right?” I attempt to joke. Crystal shakes her head dismissively. She's not buying the “I don't care” act that I'm trying to sell her. She crosses her arms over her chest and stares at me...

  Chapter 19 Unfinished Business I pause outside of the front door, looking around the yard. Hunter is gone to work, so Kathleen said it would be alright if I came to pick up my stuff. I didn't speak to her, but Crystal did. After the show, the two of them went out to the after-party together. Crystal called me, invited me to come back. I just wasn't feeling particularly celebratory. He chose to fly from the concert last night straight to the second show. He wanted to ensure the travel arrangements were going to be ready when Crystal and I flew out later this afternoon. I turn the handle of the front door slowly, in case it's locked. But of course, it's wide open and the door inches forward. I take a deep breath, pushing it open all the way and stepping into the entrance. I look around, mostly to see if my stuff is already waiting at the front door. There's nothing in the entrance except a pair of shoes that don't belong to Hunter. I nod to myself and ...

  Chapter 18 Somebody New Crystal has a bigger wig collection than anyone else, I think. She may even put the famous drag queens of the 80's to shame. She says sometimes you need to be someone different for a little while . It's practically her life motto. She isn't like me. She is attached to her friends and her city. She likes her home and her possessions. She isn't ready to run at the drop of a pin, like I am. She is physically settled down. But, emotionally, she experiences the same wanderlust. So, sometimes, she wants to be someone else. But only for a little while, and only temporary changes. She'll cover up her tattoos with make up, throw on a wig and reinvent herself. She'll give herself a whole new name and even create a new background story. Then she'll parade around for a little while under this disguise. She has done this every Saturday since David left. Last weekend, I went to the bar with “Paige”. That was the name she chose for that ...

  Chapter 17 Backstage The crowd has already poured in from all sides of the venue. We're walking hand in hand as he's introducing me to everyone who is of any importance. The stage crew already know who I am, from the many times I've been to this venue on the arms of someone else. Or the die hards know that, at least. I can only imagine what is going through their minds. They must think I make a habit out of hooking up with rock stars, then simply toss them aside, like it never mattered. They couldn't know it's more like the opposite. Every rock star I've dated has done that to me. Tossed me aside like I didn't matter, moved on without actually telling me. Luke set the bar and so far, everyone has lived up to it. Or down, depending on your sense of direction. But no one is asking about Luke. No one is asking about Edward or Noelle. They are all asking about Hunter. It's a home show, after all. I could have seen any of these people out getting ...

  Chapter 16 Pre-show Nerves Crystal stretches her legs across the couch we're sitting on. The venue has a massive lounge, clearly intent on having big names and many stars. Since everyone else is busy getting ready for the show, it's just the two of us. For the most part. We're occasionally joined by a girlfriend of the band, since it is a home show. There are cousins and relatives everywhere. It's feeling more like a family reunion than a concert. At least, that's what Crystal said. I've never been to a family reunion, so I wouldn't know. Reunions require an initial union. I don't even know my second parents' name. I've told Crystal all about Hunter's invitation to the show tonight. She started asking a handful of questions, mostly relative to the history of me and Hunter. So I humored her for a while. I told her some stories about the good old days. Maybe they are all rose colored memories, considering what our present is....

  Chapter 15 The Other Man Let's rewind the story a little bit. I feel like I should detail their relationship. Two years ago, I was asked to accompany a band on tour. This was the band Luke had been fronting since before we even met. They had broken up, but they were getting back together. This was their reunion tour, but it was going to be a surprise. So, the band wanted to use roadies and stage hands that they were familiar with. They needed help that knew how to keep quiet, so rumors wouldn't spread and the announcement would stay under wraps. We boarded the tour bus, heading across the country. I was introduced to everyone else who would make the tour happen. One of the roadies, I happened to know already. I had met him back when he was a roadie for Hunter's band. After a few weeks, we started to bond over the tours we had been on. Within a few more weeks, we started sleeping together. I knew that Hunter had already been unfaithful. He was withdrawing...