Never Signing Off

  Chapter 24 Seashell Collection There's a cramping in the back of my leg. I think I forgot what it was like to sleep on a tour bus. Crystal was right that the mattresses were uncomfortable. She said the memory foam helped, but I was too stubborn at first. By the time we reached Florida, I caved and added the foam to my bed too. It's funny, I remembered touring with such a fondness. I think it was about making memories, more than actually traveling. This time, it's lacked the luster it had every other time. Or maybe my mind is just lost. There are reminders everywhere, from the road signs to the hotels. Crystal and I bought a work-out video yesterday. It's not that we need to feel fit or even because we're bored. The video is designed to help work-out leg muscles, which are the ones cramping. She wants to stretch her muscles, I don't want to feel so stiff every morning. I might be less stiff if it weren't for the Koala that finds his way into my bu...

  Chapter 23 Tour Bus The tour bus itself is more spacious than either of us were prepared for. The drivers seat is luxurious, with big arms that fold up. It's designed for lengthy driving and adjustable for quick naps. There's a sliding paper door that separates the driver from the rest of the bus. On the other side of that door is a lounge. There's a couch on both sides of the bus, opposite to one another. There's no table in between, because that would limit the walk space. Instead, there's a table on both ends of the couches. The tables are built into the bus, but the driver, Clifford, explains that there is a fold out table underneath one of the couches that spans the length of the walk space. It just stays folded up when it's not in use. “ The last band to rent the bus decided to make a few improvements. They wanted it to be more livable.” Clifford adds. Just past the couches is where the bunks would start. Instead, there are four closed off ar...

  Chapter 22 Settling In Crystal seems mesmerized by the hotel room we're now settling into for the night. In the morning, we'll be boarding the tour bus and driving everywhere. But, tonight he wanted a reprise. There is no show tomorrow and he thought it would be beneficial for everyone to get a good night of sleep. Crystal walks into the room and throws her suitcase down on one of the beds. The room has two double beds, each a good distance from the other. I thought we'd be sharing one bed, like always, but I was wrong. In between the two beds is a small night table with two drawers. The same table is duplicated on either side of the beds, making three in total. Across from the space between beds is an eight drawer dresser. On top of the dresser is a television, a hotel phone and a list of what the hotel offers guests. Further along the wall is a door to a small closet, for those who are staying longer than a night. In front of the closet is a massive window, ov...

  Chapter 21 Being Me I can't help thinking about the path I've been on and the dead end I've reached. I thought I was headed in the right direction, but everything I thought I knew turned out to be wrong. I thought I was learning from our past mistakes, but everything I learned only served as a reminder of what went wrong. I think everything went wrong. I think Crystal was right: Don't ask questions. She said, we just have to enjoy the ride and not worry so much about the destination. I think I spent too much time considering how we were going to end up. I didn't even realize how far apart our path had taken us from each other. But, seeing Kathleen in his house for the second time, it became clear. There's turbulence as the plane takes off from the runway. I can't deny that a part of me is smiling at the idea of it going down. I know that Crystal doesn't want to die. She's just getting her life back together and she's more exci...

  Chapter 20 Taking Off Crystal told me what happened after I left the show. She was disappointed that there was no confrontation, no show down. Hunter got out of there even quicker than I did, taking the opposite direction. He abandoned a confused and hysterical Kathleen. Crystal invited her out for drinks because she felt bad. She knew Kathleen was just a pawn. She was also bored and I had abandoned her. “ I want to keep an open dialogue.” Crystal explains, holding up her cellphone. She took Kathleen's number and they've been texting each other since I left. Crystal smiles, looking over. “ She wants to know how you're holding up. I think she feels bad about everything that happened.” She offers. I laugh. “ Yeah. It's really hard to steal someones boyfriend, right?” I attempt to joke. Crystal shakes her head dismissively. She's not buying the “I don't care” act that I'm trying to sell her. She crosses her arms over her chest and stares at me...

  Chapter 19 Unfinished Business I pause outside of the front door, looking around the yard. Hunter is gone to work, so Kathleen said it would be alright if I came to pick up my stuff. I didn't speak to her, but Crystal did. After the show, the two of them went out to the after-party together. Crystal called me, invited me to come back. I just wasn't feeling particularly celebratory. He chose to fly from the concert last night straight to the second show. He wanted to ensure the travel arrangements were going to be ready when Crystal and I flew out later this afternoon. I turn the handle of the front door slowly, in case it's locked. But of course, it's wide open and the door inches forward. I take a deep breath, pushing it open all the way and stepping into the entrance. I look around, mostly to see if my stuff is already waiting at the front door. There's nothing in the entrance except a pair of shoes that don't belong to Hunter. I nod to myself and ...

  Chapter 18 Somebody New Crystal has a bigger wig collection than anyone else, I think. She may even put the famous drag queens of the 80's to shame. She says sometimes you need to be someone different for a little while . It's practically her life motto. She isn't like me. She is attached to her friends and her city. She likes her home and her possessions. She isn't ready to run at the drop of a pin, like I am. She is physically settled down. But, emotionally, she experiences the same wanderlust. So, sometimes, she wants to be someone else. But only for a little while, and only temporary changes. She'll cover up her tattoos with make up, throw on a wig and reinvent herself. She'll give herself a whole new name and even create a new background story. Then she'll parade around for a little while under this disguise. She has done this every Saturday since David left. Last weekend, I went to the bar with “Paige”. That was the name she chose for that ...