Never Signing Off

  Chapter 27 A Different Kind Of Running I've been on enough tours to know what they are all about. There are always fights, and hearts get broken. There's a bunch of drugs and alcohol and there's always a party to attend. The bus is restrictive and smells bad. The hotel rooms all feel clinical. I've been through all of that before. I've been the hand that keeps the show moving forward. But I've never been in the spotlight before this tour. I've never been a part of the magic. Now, we're out on that stage every night. Crystal is writing music with Frankie, harmonizing in dressing rooms and belting out duets on stage. They've started to talk about the next album and they're both asking my opinion when they do. I'm expected to make an appearance in the television interviews now. One photographer even asked me to join Frankie in a photo shoot. I said no, but Frankie insisted it was a good idea. I can never say no to that...

  Chapter 26 Bright Lights By now I should know that nothing they do is unplanned. Even when it seems like Frankie is making it up as he goes along, he had the ideas already. The reason Crystal dressed me up in New York was because she knew he wanted me on stage as well. Although, I wouldn't be dancing in the background, invisible to the audience. No. I was in the middle of that stage, illuminated by the bright lights and the size of his smile as I joined him. It's been 10 days since that concert, but he's had me on stage with him every night to sing a particular song. He might have never known I knew how to sing. I never told him I took vocal lessons when I was a kid. I never told him I wanted to be a singer when I was young. But, Crystal overheard me singing in the hotel room in Georgia. I thought she had left to go shopping, but, she had to come back to grab her purse. Then, she told Frankie, who said he could make me a star. I argued that I had moved past that...

  Chapter 25 Improvements “Jesse!” I yell, running across the dressing room. He's wearing a smile almost as bright as the reflection in his thick-rimmed glasses. The lights of the stage are casting a glare from the lenses, but it doesn't slow him down any. His arms are open wide when I get to him. I wrap mine around his back, smiling to greet him. “ Hey, long time no see.” He greets, stepping back with his hands on my shoulders. He's looking me up and down, like he's analyzing everything that's changed. His deep brown eyes are sparkling as he looks over the outfit I'm in. Crystal picked this evenings' attire. I'm wearing black dress pants with a built-in belt adorned with crystals. The shirt is long sleeved, but the sleeves flare out at the ends creating what looks like wings. My normally wild hair has been pulled into a bun. There's a crystal headband on top of the mess, with a few bobby pins holding it all together. She insisted I wear ...

  Chapter 24 Seashell Collection There's a cramping in the back of my leg. I think I forgot what it was like to sleep on a tour bus. Crystal was right that the mattresses were uncomfortable. She said the memory foam helped, but I was too stubborn at first. By the time we reached Florida, I caved and added the foam to my bed too. It's funny, I remembered touring with such a fondness. I think it was about making memories, more than actually traveling. This time, it's lacked the luster it had every other time. Or maybe my mind is just lost. There are reminders everywhere, from the road signs to the hotels. Crystal and I bought a work-out video yesterday. It's not that we need to feel fit or even because we're bored. The video is designed to help work-out leg muscles, which are the ones cramping. She wants to stretch her muscles, I don't want to feel so stiff every morning. I might be less stiff if it weren't for the Koala that finds his way into my bu...

  Chapter 23 Tour Bus The tour bus itself is more spacious than either of us were prepared for. The drivers seat is luxurious, with big arms that fold up. It's designed for lengthy driving and adjustable for quick naps. There's a sliding paper door that separates the driver from the rest of the bus. On the other side of that door is a lounge. There's a couch on both sides of the bus, opposite to one another. There's no table in between, because that would limit the walk space. Instead, there's a table on both ends of the couches. The tables are built into the bus, but the driver, Clifford, explains that there is a fold out table underneath one of the couches that spans the length of the walk space. It just stays folded up when it's not in use. “ The last band to rent the bus decided to make a few improvements. They wanted it to be more livable.” Clifford adds. Just past the couches is where the bunks would start. Instead, there are four closed off ar...

  Chapter 22 Settling In Crystal seems mesmerized by the hotel room we're now settling into for the night. In the morning, we'll be boarding the tour bus and driving everywhere. But, tonight he wanted a reprise. There is no show tomorrow and he thought it would be beneficial for everyone to get a good night of sleep. Crystal walks into the room and throws her suitcase down on one of the beds. The room has two double beds, each a good distance from the other. I thought we'd be sharing one bed, like always, but I was wrong. In between the two beds is a small night table with two drawers. The same table is duplicated on either side of the beds, making three in total. Across from the space between beds is an eight drawer dresser. On top of the dresser is a television, a hotel phone and a list of what the hotel offers guests. Further along the wall is a door to a small closet, for those who are staying longer than a night. In front of the closet is a massive window, ov...

  Chapter 21 Being Me I can't help thinking about the path I've been on and the dead end I've reached. I thought I was headed in the right direction, but everything I thought I knew turned out to be wrong. I thought I was learning from our past mistakes, but everything I learned only served as a reminder of what went wrong. I think everything went wrong. I think Crystal was right: Don't ask questions. She said, we just have to enjoy the ride and not worry so much about the destination. I think I spent too much time considering how we were going to end up. I didn't even realize how far apart our path had taken us from each other. But, seeing Kathleen in his house for the second time, it became clear. There's turbulence as the plane takes off from the runway. I can't deny that a part of me is smiling at the idea of it going down. I know that Crystal doesn't want to die. She's just getting her life back together and she's more exci...