Chapter 20

Two weeks later, Gabe convinced me to get in a rental with him and go for a short drive. I made it clear that I never wanted to be in a car again. He suggested that it might put an end to the nightmares. He suggested I was experiencing transference, that my subconscious was confused about the real source of anxiety. It made sense when he said it, so I went along with the idea. I was horribly anxious. Every car that passed us on the highway put my entire nervous system into overdrive. I wanted to go home, but Gabe kept pushing. “Just a bit further”, he’d say. We drove around for an hour before he finally pulled back up to the house. I had never been so happy to see my front door.

I have no idea how he convinced me to get back in the car the next day. I saw the suitcases loaded in the back. I knew this wasn’t a drive around town. He had something planned. At any other time, I probably would have had the mind to question where we were going. But I didn’t. I was stuck in this weird place in my head. I didn’t care about anything, but I was more anxious than I had ever been. It seemed like those two things shouldn’t go hand in hand. I was definitely frustrated more easily. It was so hard adjusting to the broken arm. I couldn’t even handle little tasks on my own. I needed Gabe for everything. He was right about that. Maybe that’s why I blindly followed him. Maybe it was because after everything we’d be through, I knew I could trust him. I can try and rationalize it in my head, but, there was no rational reason to get in the car that day.

Six hours later, we were pulling into a town I had never heard of. Gabe pulled into the parking lot of a small motel. I looked over at him and blinked.

“What are we doing here?” I finally asked. He looked over at me and laughed.

“I’m here for work. You’re here because, well, what else would you do?” He teased. I shook my head.

“Maybe I’d like some alone time.” I suggested. Gabe motioned to the cast.

“How do you think that would work?” He crossed his arms and looked at me with a dramatic expression. I rolled my eyes and looked back out the window.

“Whatever.” I dismissed. I waited in the car while Gabe ran into the motel. I watched him talking to the clerk through the open window. He had clearly called ahead, because the keys were already waiting for him. Of course, he didn’t travel often for work. When he did, it was very carefully planned. It seemed odd that he hadn’t mentioned needing a work trip though. Usually, he’d tell me to watch his cats. I guess I wasn’t much help at the moment. The cats could take better care of themselves that I could myself. Gabe got back in the car and we drove down to the assigned parking space. I dropped out of the car, groaning loudly as I hadn’t moved since we got in the car. My body was aching all over. I followed him into the room. There were two single beds in the room. I walked over to the closest one and dropped down, trying to stretch my body out the best I could. Gabe headed straight to the bathroom. I slowly sat back up and looked around the room. At the foot of the beds was a small dresser with a TV on top of it. Beside that was a cabinet with a coffee pot on it. There was a table and two uncomfortable looking chairs just beside the door. My eyes settled back on the blank TV in front of me. My reflection looked gaunt. Sickly. If you had have told me The Ring was playing, I would have believed you. It would not be the first time that comparison had ever been made. I looked down at the carpet. I don’t know which shade of green it was trying to be, but it was failing. The room smelled like old wood. It had a rustic feel. I guess that was typical of motels in small towns. I wouldn’t know. I never traveled anymore. I figured the only reason I was here was because Gabe felt the need to babysit me. I’d just sit in the hotel and watch TV when he did whatever he was here to do. The drive felt unnecessary though. Gabe came back from the bathroom and sat down on the other bed.

“What would you like for dinner?” He asked, not looking up from his phone. I shook my head.

“I’m not hungry.” I repeated for the tenth time of the day. He shook his head.

“I’m starving. That drive was long.” He groaned. I nodded.

“It really was. Don’t you usually fly if it’s long distance?” I asked. He shrugged.

“Sometimes it’s not an option.” He dismissed. I dropped back down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. I heard Gabe clicking away on his phone. 20 minutes later, there was a knock at the hotel door. I didn’t bother moving. I heard Gabe grab the paper bag from the driver and closed the door.

“I got you fries.” He announced. I looked over to see him waving the container in the air like an airplane. I held my hand out and he landed the container. I rolled my eyes as I pulled myself back up. Gabe sat down at the table, mixing together his salad. He never ate in bed. Unlike me. I did everything in bed. Or on my couch. It was essentially the same thing. I never really used my bedroom. I lived alone, so I never needed privacy or anything. I just didn’t see the point of being in the back room. Plus, it was hard to hear the rest of the house from the bedroom and I was increasingly paranoid. Gabe constantly told me that was because I lived like a hermit. I never said he was wrong. I said I didn’t care. I could only eat a handful of fries, handing the container towards him. He took them and polished them off after his salad. I knew he would. That had become part of our routine.

“At least you tried.” He huffed. I shrugged.

“I wouldn’t give myself that much credit.” I argued. Gabe groaned loudly.

“I’ll let that slide because it was long drive. But we talked about this.” He lectured. I rolled my head to the side to look at him. He was giving me that concerned parent look.

“Change doesn’t happen overnight.” I dismissed through a yawn. Gabe looked at his watch.

“Yeah I guess it’s already bed time for you.” He teased. I watched him walk over to the other bed. He dropped down dramatically and grabbed the TV remote. He looked over at me.

“I’ll keep the volume down.” He assured. I rolled onto my side and crawled up to the top of the bed. I was asleep a few minutes after my head hit the pillow.

Gabe woke me up the next morning with a coffee from “down the street”. I don’t know if he’d been here before or just looked up the nearest coffee shop. It could be either with him. I stirred from the bed, dropping my feet to the ground. I took the cup awkwardly and put it on the table beside me.

“So, what are your plans for the day?” I asked, aggressively rubbing sleep from my eyes. He smiled.

“We are going to drop something off.” He corrected. I raised my eyebrow.

“I’ve blindly followed you so far, but, what the hell Gabe?” I groaned. He took a deep breath.

“Okay. I need you to come with me because this is a little informal and I hope by having you with me I can avoid some of that social awkwardness.” He confessed. I rolled my eyes.

“You could have told me that.” I mumbled. He shrugged.

“You would have told me I needed to deal with it on my own, be upfront.” He corrected. I laughed.

“That sounds like me.” I agreed, looking over at the clock.

“What time?” I asked. Gabe shrugged.

“Like I said, informal. Whenever you feel ready.” He smiled. I nodded as I sipped at my coffee.

“Is there anything I should know ahead of time?” I pried. Gabe shook his head.

“Go with the flow.” He advised. I shook my head.

“You packed me something nice to wear, right?” I questioned. He nodded.

“Yeah. I’ll go grab your suitcase.” He volunteered. I nodded as I continued sipping my coffee. When Gabe got back into the hotel room, he threw one of the suitcases on my bed and the other one his. He changed into a different shirt, but left his pants on. I reached towards the suitcase and opened it. Gabe was better at packing than I was, there was no doubt. If I had packed my own suitcase, it would have been a mess. Gabe had everything folded and packed properly. I laughed as I grabbed out two random pieces of clothing. I stood up and raised my arm. Gabe walked over and helped me take off the shirt I was wearing. It wasn’t hard to get dressed, but it was hard to get undressed. I dropped the black dress pants onto the floor and stepped inside of them.

“How do I look?” I asked, doing a little spin for Gabe. He laughed.

“You look lovely.” He complimented. I rolled my eyes.

“So I look stupid. Thanks.” I reworded. He shook his head as he sat on the edge of the bed.

“That’s not what the word lovely means.” He corrected. I shrugged.

“That’s how it sounded to me.” I dismissed. Gabe nodded.

“You have a tendency to read into things that aren’t there.” He noted. I shrugged again.

“I have to know all possible outcomes.” I corrected him. He shook his head.

“Do you ever think that thinking so much may be why you’re miserable?” He asked softly.

“I’m not miserable.” I argued. He nodded.

“So you keep saying.” He mumbled. I sat back down on the bed and grabbed my hairbrush. I quickly ran it through my mangled locks and tossed the brush back into the suitcase. I leaned over and grabbed my coffee, finishing off what was left. I offered Gabe a bright smile.

“I’m ready.” I announced. He nodded as he pulled on a pair of socks. He was humming to himself as I followed him out of the room and to the car. The drive was absolutely silent, except for the radio playing low in the background. I couldn’t tell what song it was, just that there was music on. I was staring at the window, lost in thought, when we pulled into a cul de sac. There were only a handful of houses on the street and they all locked exactly the same. I couldn’t imagine the type of person who thrived in this type of environment. It was like my own personal Hell. Gabe pulled into the driveway of the last house. I looked at the front door and took a deep breath. When I reached for the door handle, Gabe put his hand on my leg. I looked over at him and raised my eyebrow.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. He was just staring at the front door.

“I haven’t been completely honest with you.” He announced. I looked over wide-eyed.

“What?” My voice cracked. Gabe turned the car off and adjusted to face me.

“You trust me, right?” He asked softly. I raised my eyebrow again.

“What is going on with you?” I groaned. He let out a deep sigh.

“Just answer the question.” He insisted. I shrugged.

“Yeah. I mean, obviously.” I motioned around to nothing in particular. Gabe nodded.

“Okay. Because I need you to trust me on this.” He added. I nodded.

“Whatever you say, Gabe.” I assured. He nodded and jumped out of the car. I followed him to the front door. He put his hand on my lower back and knocked loudly. Before the door opened, Gabe was already back in the driver’s seat. I turned around and threw my arms in the air.

“What are you doing?” I barked. He waved out the window.

“I’ll be back in an hour.” He announced, quickly driving away. I looked around the porch, then at each of the other houses. Finally, the door behind me opened slowly. I turned to greet the occupant, but my heart sank through my whole body and melted right into the ground. It was James.