Easter Egg

    I intend for this is a future Easter Egg from a distant past. This song was big at the time Nashville Summer took place. At the time, it was just a catchy song for the radio. But it lines up with the start of a whole new world wide web. I have lived on my computer since 2001. Writing is what I did most of that time. Then in 2019, I quit. I was sick of my writing always getting me in trouble. I decided I was going to start living my life... Those of you who recognize the timeline, congratulations, you already know how the story ends. To anyone else; I expanded my horizons too far and ended up in a few uncomfortable situations with other people. Obviously, that wasn't going to work for me either. The last 6 years have brought a series of personal Hells. 

    This novel doesn't address any of those personal Hells. It's written in a simplier time. A Nostalgic time that my heart longs for every day. Not because of the reality, but because of the endless possibilities. That's what Nostgalia is for us; Thoughts of what could have been mixed with reality. None of this novel is meant to be taken literally. I have tried to stress this and I can't stress it enough. Any similarity to real-life situations or people is entirely coincidental. While real people may have inspired the characters, I promise this is all VASTLY exhaggerated. Do not try and figure out the characters. Let them create themselves, please.

    I say this because there is a very small part of me that is horrified of certain people ever seeing these words. But I can't let that stop me. I have to get the stories in my head out in some way or another. I have to. I can't keep holding onto these fake memories. They have to go away. I need to let go. I need to let go so badly. Therapy, medication, time... Nothing helps. It's like a tumor, ignoring it doesn't make it go away and trying to treat it just irritates it further. So, what do you do? I mean, what I've been doing for 24 years is suffering. Pushing those thoughts out of my head. 

    Then came The Realization TM. 

    I am going to die. Most likely in the next few years. This will not be a shocking death. It will likely be planned for years in advance, including the aid of medical professionals. The people closest to me are aware that this is my tentative plan. I have my fingers crossed that writing some of this shit out will finally free me of the anchors that have been keeping me down. I have my fingers crossed that by this time next year, the plan is completely out of my head. That's my wish for the future. I want to shed the chains and fly free for the first time in my fucking life. 

    This novel is the start of that. I am going to start healing, even if that means I have face uncomfortable truths about myself and my life. I want to be able to be a good auntie for the kids, you know? I would have liked to be a mother, but I never got that chance. But I can be there for the kids that aren't mine. There's nothing standing in my way except my fear of attachment. I'm so afraid of getting close to anyone that I keep myself completely isolated and locked away from the world.

    Maybe this novel is a sort of "coming out" too. 

    I apologize if this was a little heavier than people were expecting. I just felt like I had to get all that off my chest, sort of as a justifcation of why I wrote this particular novel. The reality is; I let the story write itself. I did not force any parameters on this project. None. I simply sat down and typed what came to mind. I didn't edit it for more than spelling & name changes. I have published it exactly as I wrote it because that's the story that *needed* to come out. I just hope that it means I can finally move forward and let go. 

If you want to read the book, and don't want to wait the whole month; you can buy the eBook here.