Chapter 15

“We’re back with Charlie Lawson and Nicole Stevens. If you’re just joining, this is the author of the book recently turned into a box office hit, “Nashville Summer”. Charlie, everyone has been asking, why wasn’t Nicole cast in the lead? The two of you are, close, right?” Michelle asked, leaning forward in her chair. I faked a smile as I looked away from the audience at her. I loved how everyone refused to ask exactly what our relationship was. We never implied anything, but we never denied rumors either. We just let it play out and it had been quite the comedy show.

“I didn’t have any say on the casting.” I repeated for what felt like the millionth time.

“I heard you hand-picked the male lead. In fact, you actually took issue with the first person cast in the role.” Michelle looked over the notes on her clipboard. I nodded.

“Yes. I picked the male lead. James is important to me. I wanted someone who could capture that. I think Jesse did an amazing job.” I gushed. Nicole tapped my knee, raising her eyebrow.

“Was.” She corrected. I nodded, but she gave me a knowing look that said we were going to have a talk after this interview. I hated when she looked at me like that. It was worse than the disapproval of a parent. I chose to listen to her. Her opinion mattered, deeply. The interviewer didn’t notice, and went on to ask Nicole a few questions about her potential return to the screen. Nicole loved teasing that she’d be cast in a major movie any second. A deal was always “just about to close”. She turned them all down in reality. She was happy with where she was in her life. She was well put together. I always admired that about her. She could take any shitty situation and find a positive. I was so lost in my thoughts I didn’t notice the interview ended until Nicole stood up and kicked my leg. She had a stern look on her face as she stomped towards the green room. I got up and followed behind her. Drew was waiting for me with something to sign. Nicole pointed towards the door.

“Get out.” She demanded. I laughed.

“Drew knows.” I informed her, dropping down on the couch. Drew raised his eyebrow.

“No, Drew may not know everything. It depends. What are we talking about?” He panicked. Nicole motioned towards me and then put her hand on her hip.

“You didn’t hear that little slip up?” She questioned. Drew shook his head.

“I must have missed a second of the interview.” He confessed, looking down at his hands.

“Tell me I’m wrong. Please.” Nicole begged as she sat down beside me. I faked a smile.

“Do you want me to lie to you?” I asked. She jumped back up, putting her hands on her head.

“You are not having sex with a married man!” She screeched. I looked around the room, mostly to make sure the door was closed. I nodded. Nicole rolled her eyes as she looked over at Drew.

“And you knew?” She barked. He shrugged.

“No. No. No. I don’t know anything. I don’t ask any questions.” He knew the mantra well. I laughed.

“Good boy.” I complimented. Drew shot me a sideways smile that I couldn’t quite interpret.

“What does that mean?” Nicole continued screeching.

“He’s doing his job.” I answered flatly. Nicole shook her head again.

“I can’t believe what I’m hearing. You’re so lucky I don’t know his wife because I would already be on the phone.” She threatened. I nodded, leaning forward.

“Look, I’m not proud of this, but I can’t explain it. Even after all this time, I look at him and my heart expands in my chest. He’s the one who got away, and I don’t want to let it happen again. Life brought us together for a reason.” I rambled. Nicole groaned loudly.

“Fuck.” She grunted. I stayed quiet.

“I want it on record I do not approve and I wish I didn’t know.” Nicole stated loudly, almost like she was worried there were people listening to our conversation. I nodded.

“Noted.” I smiled. Drew let out a deep sigh.

“We may have to modify our approach.” He announced. I raised my eyebrow as I looked over.

“In English.” I groaned. Drew rolled his eyes.

“I think it might be a good idea if we set you up on a few dates. Nothing high-profile, just enough to create hype. Nicole?” Drew explained, looking to her for approval. She shrugged.

“If I knew someone having an affair, I would suggest they keep up appearances even if it might be uncomfortable. But I would never approve of such actions.” She continued. I rolled my eyes again.

“Okay, holier than thou. Tell me you wouldn’t take just one more chance with Craig.” I countered. Nicole threw herself down on the couch beside me and crossed her arms. She let out a loud sigh.

“I can probably make some calls.” She mumbled. Drew nodded.

“I appreciate that.” He assured. Nicole put her hand on my shoulder.

“Just to be clear, I’m not helping you. I’m helping Drew manage you because I know how difficult you are and he works really hard.” She rambled. I faked a smile. She didn’t know about the affair with Drew. It was no one’s business but mine and his. He told his wife. Sarah was a bit weird around me now, but other than that, nothing really changed. She also makes the occasional indirect joke about the affair. Drew thinks that’s just how she’s coping with the feeling of betrayal. I don’t mind. It could be so much worse. I’m just grateful she let me keep Drew as my manager.

The first date Nicole set me up on was awful. He insisted we went to see his most recent movie at the theatre. He said he liked to watch his own movies like a normal person, pretending he was just a regular movie goer. It was strange. I had met a lot of strange people, and that still felt strange to me. I was polite about telling her I would never go out with that guy again. I think she knew it was going to be a terrible experience and that’s why she picked him. The next guy was hardly any better. He brought me to dinner and a restaurant owned by his family. Everything was on the house, and we were treated like royalty while we were there. But right after dinner, in the limo, he started trying to mess around. I slapped his hand away from me, made the driver pull over and walked home. I was ready to give up the whole idea that I needed a public boyfriend.

Then she gave me his number.

Ryan was a friend of hers. He was just a bartender now, but he had been a child star. That was when she first met him. She told me they kept in pretty close contact throughout the years. I asked why she had never dated him. She chalked it up to missed opportunities and bad scheduling. I knew that meant she was afraid of falling in love. She liked to keep most people at a distance. I figured Ryan was one of those people. He probably wanted more out of the relationship than her. It didn’t really matter to me. I wasn’t looking for my Prince Charming. I already had him.

I called Ryan to ask him out. He was elated and he wasn’t shy about it either. He openly told me he was excited to meet any of Nicole’s friends because it made him feel closer to her in a way. Then he gushed over how awesome Nicole was. He said he wished he had her as a sister, but was just lucky to have her as a friend. He rambled on about all the things he loved about her too. It was all the same things I loved about her. We were already off to a great start, bonding over our mutual fascination. He suggested a pop-up carnival that was coming to town later in the week. I agreed. It would be busy enough to avoid paparazzi, but still public enough to not feel uncomfortably intimate. It was hard dating in the spotlight. That was one of the reasons I wasn’t in a relationship. I had no time management skills and work had to come first. It wasn’t because I still had feelings for my high school boyfriend and it was hard to connect with anyone else because I was always comparing them to his image. It wasn’t because of that.

He sounded attractive on the phone, but he was absolutely gorgeous. If he had told me he was a model, I would have believed him without hesitation. He was that attractive. He was tall, with broad shoulders. He had nice, muscular arms. His hands were huge and his long fingers caressed my palm when he shook my hand. I definitely felt a tingle shoot through my spine. When he smiled for the first time, I think my heart actually skipped a beat. He had a beautiful smile, but he quickly put his hand over his mouth. Apparently, he was insecure about his teeth. I saw nothing wrong with his teeth. I thought everything about him was beautiful. The way his hair constantly fell in front of his face. The way his glasses slid down his nose. He had a boyish charm, but was all man.

We walked around, watching other people play random carnival games. I was basically following him around like a lost puppy, staring at him like art in a museum studying every line of his handsome face. The more he told me about himself, the more I wanted to learn. He told me about what it was like being a child actor, the chaos on set. He told me the story of how he met Nicole. I asked if there were any feelings. He laughed, but repeated that he did think of her as a sister. He didn’t actually have any family growing up. No siblings. One parent, and even that he lost at 16. So he was forced to be an adult long before he should have been. There was such a pain in his eyes, but he hid it behind his smile and the soft words he spoke. He was still filled with dreams and hopes for the future. I was absolutely enthralled. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone quite as interesting as Ryan. We were on the Ferris wheel when we noticed there were two girls pointing up at us. One of them took out their phone.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized quickly. I laughed as I briefly looked over.

“It doesn’t bother me.” I dismissed. He nodded.

“I can’t believe you’re already used to this.” He observed. I shook my head.

“Oh I’m not. This still freaks me out. But, this is what my manager wanted. Besides, people were talking about me long before I was famous. Actually, I like that I don’t know if it’s me or you they’re pointing at. That makes me feel better.” I joked. He smiled as I spoke, nodding along.

“It’s hard to date when you’re famous.” He added. I laughed.

“Yeah, because you can’t date a normal person because it draws too much attention to them. You don’t want to date a major celebrity because it’s too much attention for you. You have to find a blend. Actors and athletes.” I rambled. Ryan laughed.

“Or authors.” He hinted. I smiled as he put his arm around my shoulders.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked softly. I probably blushed. I definitely nodded. His lips were every bit as soft as they looked like they’d be. He was a really good kisser too. I felt like I was in Heaven. When we got off the Ferris wheel, he kept his arm around me. He didn’t let me go for the rest of the night and I’d be lying if I said I minded. The smile on my face left me sore.

I’ll admit, there were a lot of things I didn’t really consider. The thought never crossed my mind that it might bother James to see me with someone else. Period. I mean, he didn’t have the right to be jealous. He was married. As far as I knew, happily married. I didn’t know anything about his marriage and that was intentional. We did not talk about the outside world. But I knew our fairy tale couldn’t last forever. It could be ripped away from me at any second. It was a lie, all of it. Everything felt disposable between us. I knew I would be devastated when it finally happened. I think part of me was thinking about the future as Ryan dropped me off that night. There was no hesitation when he asked if I’d go out with him again. He wanted to go somewhere private, just the two of us. He wanted to get to know me better. I kissed him again before I accepted his invitation.

When I told Nicole that I was actually interested in seeing Ryan again, she was happy and disappointed. It kinda confirmed my thinking that she liked Ryan as more than a friend. But she still invited him over for home-cooked meal, and to share her opinion on the relationship. In true Nicole form, she basically told me I wasn’t allowed to break his heart. She also made sure that Ryan was aware of what I was doing with James. I had already told him, but she wanted to make sure he knew. She took every opportunity she could to try and make me feel bad. As much as I hated it, I understood it completely. If the rolls were reversed, I’d probably be doing the same thing.

I wish I could say that the whole thing was a mistake. I wish I could say I learned from the experience. But I know I’d repeat the mistake if given the chance.