Chapter 16

“I’m going to pick up dinner.” Nicole yelled on her way out the front door. I gave her a half-wave to say I acknowledged she spoke. I was also halfway through the chapter I was reading and didn’t like to be interrupted when reading. She knew that. She had to expect that reaction. I groaned as the phone started ringing and without looking at the caller ID,

“What do you want?” I groaned loudly. There was a silence.

“I just wanted to talk.” James’s voice answered in defeat. I sighed.

“I’m so sorry. I thought it was Nicole calling.” I apologized. He was quiet.

“Are you, not home?” He seemed hesitant to ask. I closed my book and sat up.

“I’m home. She went to get dinner.” I answered. He was quiet again. It was rare he called. It was even more rare that he didn’t say anything. I bit the bullet.

“Is something wrong?” I finally asked.

“I just,” He paused. I waited.

“I saw you with that guy, Ryan.” He finally finished. I took a deep breath.

“I told you that my manager was insistent.” I reminded him. He sighed.

“I know. It’s just,” Another pause.

“James, talk to me.” I begged. I heard him shifting around.

“You looked happy, with him.” He sighed. I shook my head.

“I think he’s an interesting guy.” I corrected.

“So, are you going to see him again?” James asked after another silence. This time I was quiet.

“I’m not going to tell you what you can do. I just want to know.” He assured.

“Probably. We don’t have any definitive plans. But, I thought we got along really well. I think he really understands the situation. I was going to let you know if anything happened.” I rambled.

“I know. I guess I was just,” He trailed off. I smiled.

“Jealous?” I offered. He chuckled.

“Yeah. I know I don’t have the right to be. Fuck, this is all so crazy.” He sighed. I shook my head.

“Can you come to the hotel this weekend?” I asked.

“Yeah. I may have to move some stuff around, but, I’ll be there.” He assured. I smiled again.

“Okay, there’s something I think you need to see.”

We met at the hotel that weekend. I brought a keepsake box with me. It was filled with letters he had written me, a few of his poems, some pictures, and the key chain he gave me after our very first dance. He started crying when he saw it. I think he was overwhelmed. He couldn’t believe I had kept anything from that long ago. I could never part with the letters. I found myself reading them over and over. They were particularly important when I wrote the book. Everything was frayed. He was afraid to touch anything. It didn’t matter. He didn’t need to read what he had written. He needed to see that I had kept it. That I cared that much. That no one could ever compare to him.

We actually made love that night. It was slow and deliberate. Every move was made with precision and thought. We were both caught up in trying to prove a point that had never been under attack. After all this time, it was only him. I touched him in all the ways that drove him wild. His hands roamed my body like he was trying to memorize every inch of skin. Neither of us cared about the finish line. We wanted to please each other as many times as we could. We went all night, and then again in the morning. I was sad when we had to leave, but, we both had lives to get back to.

Drew was hounding me about getting started on a new project. He knew if he left me alone for too long, I’d abandon my work. He had to keep me on tight deadlines, and even then, I was likely to miss them. I really don’t know why Drew stayed on as my manager. There were many instances where other people would have quit. In fact, some may have pursued legal action for some of the things I had put Drew through. He always bounced back, like he was made to handle the storm that was me. I kept him from getting his head too high in the clouds too. There were a lot of people afraid to stand up to Drew. I had walked past that boundary pretty early.

I had a few projects lined up already, but I was really having trouble focusing. All I could think about was James, and how happy I was when I was with him. The world inside that hotel room was so perfect. I wanted to capture what it felt like to be there. I wanted to put how I felt into words. It was going to be a little cheesy and overly romantic. It was going to be borderline unbelievable because that’s how perfect it really was. It would definitely be missing all the dark undertones of the last book. But it was something beautiful and I needed to take on this project, for myself. When I told Nicole about my idea, she was absolutely livid.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” She screamed. I had never heard her yell so loudly.

“Write what you feel, right?” I muttered. She grabbed the nearest thing and threw it at me. Luckily, it was one of her high heels and it went past my head. I heard it hit the wall, but didn’t take my eyes off her. She was angrier than I’ve ever seen.

“That doesn’t count when you’re exposing other people. Can you even imagine how his wife would feel picking up that book?” She continued shouting. I shook my head.

“I’m going to change the place and the names.” I informed her. She shook her head.

“That doesn’t matter. It’s the principle.” She continued. I nodded.

“I was even thinking I would write James as a blonde surfer with a nice tan. You know, something completely different. I don’t know why. I just thought it would be a fun little twist. I mean, it’s completely fictionalized.” I rambled. She shook her head.

“It doesn’t matter how you try to rationalize this to yourself. It’s in poor taste.” She groaned. With that, she grabbed her purse and stomped out of the house.

Looking back, I really should have taken her advice. But at the time, my heart was set on expressing my love for James to the world.

I didn’t see Nicole for a few days after that. She called me and told me she needed space. She couldn’t be around me right now. I called Ryan and asked him to come over for a few days. I really couldn’t handle being home alone for long periods of time. He packed a bag and headed over. I set up the couch for him. I didn’t want him to feel pressured into anything. We opened a bottle of wine and I put on a random movie. At first, we were talking about the actors we had met. Then I realized he was watching me, instead of the TV. I pulled my leg up on the couch and turned to face him.

“Hey.” I spoke softly. He smiled.

“Hey.” He replied just as softly.

“What’s on your mind, Ryan?” I asked, slightly leaning forward. He took my wine glass from my hand and placed it on the table. Then he put his hand on the side of my face and kissed me. It was soft at first, but the taste of him and the wine was intoxicating to me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and slid closer to him. His hands moved to my lower back and he gently squeezed his fingertips into my skin. I slowly dropped my back to the couch, pulling him down with me. I took his glasses off and put them on the table, searching his eyes for any hesitation. He kissed me again, pressing into me.

“I want to be with you.” He moaned. I smiled against his lips.

“Are you sure?” I asked softly. He nodded, resting his forehead against mine.

“I’ve never wanted anything more.”

The next morning, we were having breakfast. I made pancakes because I don’t really know how to do anything for myself. They were a bit raw, but Ryan was happily ingesting them. Then, out of nowhere, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Seriously? With everything this guy had learned about me? He not only considered a relationship with me, but wanted one. He wanted me to break up with James and be with him. I didn’t really know how to process that. I felt like it was a lot of him to ask from me. But, I told him I’d give it serious consideration. He was fine waiting for an answer because he wanted a genuine one. I wish Nicole hadn’t been mad at me. I also knew what she would say if she was home. She would tell me I’m an idiot, that I should break-up with James and then she’d start planning my wedding to Ryan. She’d also ask how he was in the bedroom. She would deny being curious, but I know she’d ask. I guess I already knew the answer in my heart.

James was able to get to the hotel in a few days. I knew I needed to tell him in person. He deserved that much after everything he put up with. I got there earlier than him. I might have paced a wear into the carpet at the foot of the bed. When he got there, he had a bouquet of flowers he had picked up on the way over. I smiled as I put them down on the table. He immediately sat down at the edge of the bed and motioned for me to sit beside him. I slowly sat down, grabbing his hands.

“What’s wrong?” I asked softly. James sighed as he stood up.

“I think Amanda is getting suspicious.” He announced. I nodded.

“What do you want to do?” I sighed and crossed my arms.

“She can’t find out about us Charlie.” He exhaled shakily. When he stopped pacing around, I could tell he was crying. I stood up and grabbed his hand again.

“James, it’s okay.” I guided him over to the bed.

“Charlie, I don’t think we should,” I cut him off by gently pushing him onto the bed.

“Listen.” I insisted. He sat up, looking at me with these sad puppy dog eyes. It was heartbreaking.

“You’re never leaving Amanda, right?” I asked. His jaw dropped.

“I, how could you, uh,” He stumbled through his answer. I nodded.

“That’s what I thought.” I sighed as I sat down beside him.

“Charlie, that’s just asking too much.” He whined. I nodded.

“I know it is. I’m not asking you to leave her.” I assured. He raised his eyebrow.

“Then what are you implying?” He stuttered. I shrugged.

“I think that we’ve run our course, James.” I started. His eyes went wide.

“What?” He choked out. I sighed.

“Don’t get me wrong, every second I’m with you has been like a dream come true. I’ve never felt more alive than I have these last few weeks. It has all been so, wonderful. I promise you I will treasure the memories we made. But, we both knew this couldn’t last forever, right?” I spoke softly. His head dropped, but he nodded slowly.

“You’re right.” He agreed in defeat. I put my hand under his chin and forced him to look at me. I wiped the tears off his cheek with my thumb. I kissed him slowly.

“Your wife is a very lucky woman.” I whispered. He forced a smile.

“Thanks.” He mumbled. I got up and grabbed the flowers from the table. I headed towards the door, pausing before I left. I looked over at him, still staring at his hands.

“Take care of yourself, James.”

A few weeks later, I was out with Ryan, Nicole, and her new boyfriend, Luke. He was a musician, and Ryan was a big fan of his music. It was supposed to be a double date, but it ended up being more about their budding friendship. Nicole and I had to occupy ourselves, so we were sitting at the bar while the guys played pool. I was starting to get a little tipsy, and I accidentally bumped into someone who had just ordered drinks from the bartender. When I turned around to stutter out my apology, I saw it was Amanda. At first, I didn’t know how I recognized her. It completely slipped my mind. I faked a smile, like I would when I saw anyone else who looked familiar.

“Hey.” I greeted with no real enthusiasm. She faked a smile.

“Charlotte, right?” She asked, raising her eyebrow. I nodded.

“Charlie, actually.” I corrected. She nodded.

“We met at the movie premiere.” She explained. I kept nodding.

“So how have you been?” I asked, like I expected I should. She looked around the bar, waving to a group of girls sitting at a table in the corner.

“Uh, pretty good. I’m actually out celebrating.” She confessed. The bartender handed her two drinks.

“Who’s drinking the water?” I motioned to the clear glass. She looked down, almost bashfully.

“Me.” She mumbled. I nodded.

“Not everyone drinks. I get it.” I shrugged. She looked around nervously.

“Actually, I just found out I’m pregnant.” She tried to hide the excitement in her voice, but it wasn’t working. This was clearly something she wanted for a while. I smiled.

“Congratulations.” I offered.

“Thank you.” She smiled. One of the girls from her table shouted over,

“Amanda!” She smiled and headed towards the table with her drinks. It wasn’t until Nicole turned around that it finally clicked. She was already in motion. I grabbed her wrist.

“Don’t.” I begged. She tried to pull away from me.

“I told you I would tell her if I ever had the chance.” She reminded me. She had told me. Several times. Ryan happened to look in our direction and I motioned for them to get over here. I knew I couldn’t really stop her. He tapped Luke on the shoulder and the pair quickly made their way over to us. Luke casually put his arm around Nicole’s shoulder.

“What’s up babe?” He asked softly. She successfully pulled her wrist away.

“Amanda is here.” She answered, trying to control her shaky voice.

“Oh.” Luke groaned, biting the side of his lip. It had only been a few weeks, but Nicole made sure Luke knew all about the sordid things I had done.

“This isn’t the time or place.” I tried reasoning. Nicole rolled her eyes and let out a deep laugh.

“You just don’t want to be held accountable.” She argued. I rolled my eyes.

“She just told me she’s pregnant, okay? Can we just let her start this new chapter of her life?” I mumbled. Nicole’s jaw dropped. I could see her shoulders sink.

“Fine. But when the truth finally comes out, I’m gone.”