Chapter 17

“Ryan, go order pizza.” Nicole demanded, paging through her magazine while she hung upside down off her bed. Ryan laughed, leaning forward.

“Where did that come from?” He questioned.

“Do you want to cook something?” She asked. I laughed.

“I don’t think we have food. It’s been a few days since we did groceries.” I corrected her.

“Exactly.” She sighed. Ryan pulled himself up from the floor and headed to the kitchen.

“Where do you want to order from?” He called back at us. Nicole hummed to herself.

“I don’t really care. Surprise me.” She showed no enthusiasm. I got up from the couch and headed into the kitchen. Ryan had three different menus laid out on the island. I watched him studying each one. I put my hand on his and it startled him, which made me laugh.

“It’s all the same stuff, Ryan.” I assured him. He laughed and grabbed one of the menus randomly. I went into the fridge and grabbed us both a beer. I put his on the island in front of him and pulled out one of the stools. I sat quietly as Ryan ordered the same thing we always ordered and gave the same alias he always used. We had fallen into a quiet routine. I wasn’t complaining. It was a nice change of pace actually. Nicole was a variable. She came and went with Luke. Her life with Luke was pretty chaotic. But whenever she was here, she was quiet like us. Ryan put the phone down and pulled out one of the other stools. He put his elbow on the island and leaned against his palm.

“What’s on your mind?” He asked softly. I let out a deep sigh.

“I’m worried I haven’t heard back from Drew.” I confessed. Ryan smiled.

“That’s just your paranoia. I’m sure he loved whatever you sent.” He complimented. I smiled back.

“You’re probably right. Knowing Drew, he’s taken on too many projects and doesn’t have enough time. For a manager, he’s really bad at managing his own time.” I joked. Ryan laughed, flashing those bright teeth. It wasn’t just his smile I found contagious. His entire personality was. I really enjoyed the environment he brought with him. His positive attitude was rubbing off on me, which I was not prepared for. Being around Ryan felt like being on a permanent vacation. We were quietly looking at each other when a knock on the front door demanded our attention. I raised my eyebrow.

“That seemed fast.” I commented, grabbing my wallet from the island. Ryan followed behind me.

“I guess we should order from there more often.” He suggested. I laughed as I opened the door, expecting to see the delivery driver. Instead, it was James, standing in the rain with a suitcase.

“I’m sorry to intrude, but, I have no where else to go.” He stuttered. I looked at Ryan, raising my eyebrow. He shrugged and motioned inside. I shook my head. He scoffed.

“Come in.” He insisted. I stepped to the side, letting James walk past us. Nicole sat up on full alert.

“James? What’s going on?” She screeched. His eyes were glued to the floor.

“Amanda left me.” He mumbled. I bit my lip as I looked at Nicole.

“I guess you can crash in the spare room.” Nicole offered. She motioned down the hall to the room that was supposed to be my bedroom. I slept on the pull-out couch in the living room. It reminded me of my childhood, sleeping in the basement and playing video games. It was a weird comfort. James nodded as he took off his shoes. I tossed Ryan my wallet and brought James down the hall. When we got to the room, he sat down on the edge of the bed and covered his face with his hands. I stood in the doorway awkwardly for a minute before turning to leave. He stood up and grabbed my hand.

“Please don’t go.” He begged. I could hear the desperation in his voice. I turned to face him.

“Okay. I won’t. Just, tell me what you need.” I tried to sound reassuring, but my voice was shaking. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tightly to his chest.

“I don’t know.” He mumbled into my hair. I wrapped my arms around him. We stood in silence for a few minutes. I felt the rain soaking through my shirt, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything when I was in his arms. Slowly, he let his arms drop and pulled off his jacket. He sat back on the edge of the bed, just staring down at the ground. I let out a deep sigh. He looked up at me with those sad puppy eyes, and I felt his heart breaking.

“I’ll get you a towel and something to wear.” I offered. James nodded. The closet was just outside the room. I grabbed one of the towels and tossed it to him. Then I headed back out to the living room.

“Here.” Ryan handed me a small pile of clothes for James.

“Thank you.” I smiled.

“We’re going to go to my house.” He announced. I noticed Nicole was already waiting at the door with an overnight bag and a frustrated look on her face. I looked back at Ryan and nodded. I knew Nicole was going to leave, but I didn’t think she was going to take Ryan with her. I let out a sigh of disappointment. Ryan laughed as he leaned in and softly kissed my cheek.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He assured me. I faked a smile, half-waving at Nicole before I headed back down the hall. James was standing in his boxers with his back to the door. I watched as he toweled himself off for a bit longer than I should have. I’m only human. I lightly knocked on the door frame, so he spun around. I held out the outfit Ryan left. I turned my back to let him get dressed in peace. He gently squeezed my shoulder and I turned around. Ryan’s clothes were tight on James’s muscular body. I ripped my eyes away, aware of how inappropriate it was to be looking at him. He sat on the edge of the bed, letting his hair hang in front of his face. I thought about leaving him alone, but instead, I sat down on the bed beside him. I didn’t really know what to do. Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual for moments like this one. The air in the room was heavy. I had so many questions, but I knew being there for him was more important than my curiosity. So I didn’t ask. I sat with him in silence. Eventually, he dropped down on the bed. He pulled me down with him and we made our way to the top of the bed. We held each other in silence for over an hour. When he fell asleep, I made my way back to the living room. I noticed the pizza had been left behind. There was a note on the box that said

“You have a pizza my heart.” I took the note and put it beside the box. I grabbed a slice of pizza as I kicked my feet up on the coffee table. I started up the Xbox and logged on to Call of Duty. After losing three rounds, I came to the conclusion I was too anxious to concentrate. So I switched to a sandbox game and played for an hour until my anxiety subsided enough to go to bed.

I was enjoying my first coffee of the day and reading a book when James came out of the back room. Despite my anxiety the night before, I completely forgot he was in my house.

“Good morning.” He greeted groggily. I nodded, putting my book down on the table. James walked over, cautiously sitting down beside me. He looked around the room.

“Where’s your roommate?” He asked softly. I shrugged.

“She stormed out last night. She’ll probably be gone for a few days.” I answered loosely. He sighed.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause drama.” He apologized. I smiled, shaking my head.

“Me and her will work it out. We always do.” I assured. He faked a smile, still looking around.

“What are you looking for?” I asked. He shook his head.

“I always wondered about your space. This is not what I was picturing.” He confessed. I shrugged.

“It’s Nicole’s place. I’ve only been here a few months, and, it’s supposed to be temporary.” I explained.

“So that’s why there’s only one bedroom.” He observed.

“And neither of us use it.” I joked. He raised his eyebrow. I laughed and motioned behind him. There was a curved wall in the living room and her bed was on the other side of it, giving her total privacy.

“I sleep on the couch.” I added. James laughed.

“You’re still sleeping on a couch?” He teased. I nodded.

“When I’m alone, yes. It’s not really big enough for two people.” I noted. He nodded.

“I can see that being a tight squeeze.” He agreed. I smiled. I held my coffee mug up.

“Do you want a coffee?” I offered. I knew he didn’t drink coffee regularly. But, if it was a regular day, he wouldn’t be in my house. After his night, it didn’t hurt to ask.

“I’d love one.” He nodded. I left him in the living room and headed to the kitchen. I knew he only took two sugars in black coffee. I put it down on the table in front of him and sat back where I had been.

“Thank you.” He motioned to the mug. I nodded.

“You’re welcome.” I spoke softly. We were both quiet for a bit.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” I broke the silence. James sighed.

“Amanda knows about, well, everything.” He exhaled.

“How?” I squeaked. James shook his head.

“I told her.” He answered flatly. I raised my eyebrow.

“Now why would you do that?” I asked, trying not to sound judgmental, but definitely feeling it.

“She’s pregnant. With my baby. When she told me, I should have been overcome with joy, but instead it was guilt.” He paused. I nodded along.

“She deserved to know the truth, as ugly as it was.” He finished. I sighed.

“Does she know it was me?” I asked under my breath. James nodded.

“I didn’t tell her. You did.” He answered. I raised my eyebrow.

“What?” I questioned. He shook his head.

“She said when she ran into you at the bar, she had a bad feeling in her gut. She knew something was wrong. When I told her, she knew it was you.” He explained. I swallowed hard.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t even recognize her.” I tried defending. James shrugged.

“I don’t blame you Charlie. We’re both guilty. If Amanda can’t be around me right now, then I’ll give her space. Maybe one day she’ll be able to forgive me. If not, this is what I deserve. I made my own bed.” He rambled. I raised my eyebrow.

“Not to make matters worse, but don’t you think it’s going to make her even more upset that you’re here?” I asked. James bit his lip, then shook his head.

“She didn’t leave me any choice.” He sighed.

“What do you mean?” I pried. James took a deep breath.

“She told everyone. Her friends, my friends, our families. Anyone who would listen to her on the street. She was absolutely hysterical. Not that I blame her.” He rambled. I nodded.

“She told your family too?” I asked. James nodded.

“I asked my mother if I could stay there. She told me to go back to my whore.” He attempted to joke. I faked a smile, but I wasn’t laughing. There was a time his mother used to love me. I guess those days were long gone now. I was nothing more than a homewrecker in her eyes.

“You’re welcome to stay here as long as you need.” I offered. He reached over and grabbed my hand.

“Thank you.”

I was heading back into the living room when I noticed Ryan standing at the front door. He seemed to be building up the courage to knock. Before he did, I opened the door and smiled.

“You could have let yourself in. You have a key.” I reminded him. He held it up in his hand and smiled.

“I know. But I didn’t know what I’d be interrupting.” He walked into the house and looked around.

“Where is he?” He asked. I laughed, motioning towards the bathroom.

“He’s taking a shower.” I answered. Ryan nodded, slowly sitting down on the couch. I moved to sit beside him. I could tell by the way his shoulders were slumped over that he had something on his mind. I grabbed his hand. He immediately pulled away.

“We didn’t have sex.” I rolled my eyes. I couldn’t believe I even needed to say it. The man was grieving. I wasn’t a vulture. Or maybe I was. I was seriously starting to question myself.

“I didn’t mean to imply,” He paused, quickly shaking his head.

“I just know how strong your feelings are.” He exhaled. I nodded.

“I think he needs a few days, to clear his head.” I dismissed. Ryan nodded.

“That’s what we were thinking.” He replied. There was something about his tone. I raised my eyebrow.

“Who is “we”?” I asked. He laughed.

“Nicole told me to tell you she’s not coming back until he’s gone.” He mocked. I shrugged.

“It’s her house.” Ryan nodded.

“She also said she doesn’t want you here.” He sighed. I rolled my eyes.

“Seriously? She wants to leave a practical stranger in the house alone with all our stuff?” I groaned.

“I think she’s right.” Ryan sighed. My jaw dropped.

“What?” I choked out. Ryan looked down at his hands, biting on his bottom lip.

“I want you to stay at my place.” He begged. I didn’t really know what to say. My mind blanked.

“I can’t leave him alone like this.” I fumbled out.

“I know you feel responsible, and you are in a way, but this won’t be good for either of you.” He warned. I could hear the concern, and it was appreciated.

“I need to be here for him, Ryan. I owe him that.” I sighed. He nodded slowly.

“Yeah, I kinda knew that’s what you were going to say.” He mumbled. He leaned forward and grabbed my hand, gently squeezing. His eyes were tearing up, but he was holding back.

“If you stay, I won’t Charlie.” He sighed. I bit the side of my lip. My eyes trailed behind Ryan, where I could see James in the bedroom. Ryan looked over his shoulder and nodded.

“I guess that’s my answer.” He exhaled. I grabbed his hand as he stood up.

“Can I at least think about it?” I plead. Ryan brought my hand to his lips and softly kissed it.

“You always follow your heart Charlie. That’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you. I can’t hold that against you. But you can’t ask me to sit on the sidelines while you decide.” He explained. I sighed.

“I know. You’re right. It’s not fair.” I agreed. Ryan nodded, letting my hand drop.

“I’ll always love you Charlie. Take care of yourself.” He started to walk towards the door.

“Ryan, I love you too.” I called after him. He waved without looking back. I watched him disappear down the driveway in complete shock. I was still standing in the living room with my mouth hanging open when James came out from the bedroom.

“What happened?” He asked, following my gaze. I shook my head and threw myself on the couch.

“I guess I was dumped?” I questioned. When I tried to look at James, he was blurry. I realized I had started crying. Ryan was one of the best things to ever happen to me. James sat down beside me and put his arm around my shoulder. I just kept sobbing.