The Judgment Day Celebration

[taken from the Vault, formerly one of the 3 stories in Three Tales of Not Quite Romance]

It was New Years Eve 1999 – also known to those who lived through it as Judgment Day or the Y2K. Apparently all the computers were going to blow up or something and the world was going to collapse. There weren't even that many computers back then. Only the government had them. I couldn't see how modern people were going to be affected. Banks reading at zero. Credit, zero. Everything kept in electronic databases, zero. Wouldn't that have been freedom, in Chuck Palahniuk's sense of the word? That sounds more like Nirvana then Doomsday. But, whatever. It didn't happen. What did happen, at least in my little spinning rock, was worse...

I sat fidgeting with the label on the Millers Draft in my hand. I didn't drink, but I couldn't refuse the beer when it was handed to me over an hour ago. It was past room temperature now, and lost any appeal. I had long stopped pretending to sip at it. I thought about how people were viewing me, sitting on the couch with this bottle in my hand, not talking to anyone. Like I was a ghost, or a stranger. Like I didn't belong. And, it would be fair to think, because I didn't. I didn't really know many people at the party. Or, I couldn't find the ones I did. My friend, Kruger, was hosting a Judgment Day Celebration party, in case the reports were right. In case the computers did all malfunction and Y2K was real. He said it was better safe than sorry, and if it was going to be the last night on Earth, we might as well enjoy it. Everyone who was anyone was at his house, milling around. All drinking and some making fools of themselves already. Even though it was only 7:30. I kept looking around the room for someone I knew. But, really I was waiting for Jason, my boyfriend. He had been out of town with his band, and I hadn't seen him in a few weeks. I was excited to spend time with him, and hear his tour stories. I wasn't sure we'd even get a chance to talk. But I was hoping we might sneak off for a few minutes at some point, and be alone together. Maybe I'd be able to steal a kiss when no one was looking. Maybe it was idealistic, but I had my fingers crossed anyway. We were dating in secret, and, we liked it that way. It was something special we had that the world couldn't take away from us. He was the only one who knew my real age, too. I didn't tell anyone else. I knew I wouldn't make any friends if they knew how young I actually was. I wouldn't be sitting with a beer in my hand at a party with a bunch of twenty something year old kids, that's for sure. As it was, Jason was the only reason I accepted Kruger's invitation in the first place. When 8 rolled in, I was pretty sure he wasn't going to show up. I thought about calling my mom, and asking if he had called the house. But I knew she wouldn't be comfortable knowing I was at the party without him. I had told her we were going together, not that I was meeting him there. I could have called my older sister, Sherry. But, she would have a well rehearsed rant for why I shouldn't have been here in the first place. I didn't end up calling anyone. Jason showed up about fifteen minutes later. I tried to act casual, but I was excited. I practically jumped off the couch, and bounded to the front door he was walking in. I abandoned my beer on the table where I was sitting.

"Hi Jason!" I greeted, sounding a little over eager. He smiled, nodding.

"Hey Morgan." He replied casually.

"How was the trip?" I asked, still attempting a watered down enthusiasm. Jason nodded.

"It was alright. I'll have to tell you about it sometime.” He answered. Before I could say anything else, he motioned to the blonde girl walking in behind him.

“Oh, this is my date, Cassandra." He introduced. I felt my heart dropping slowly into my stomach. His 'date'. He used that word. She was his 'date'. All at once I felt an immense pressure. Like gravity had started pulling double over time. My heart sank further, and further. I smiled, nodding in the girls direction. I had to be polite after all. I wanted to say something, but I fought the urge.

"I'm going to get another drink." I foolishly blurted out instead, turning my back to Jason.

"When did you start drinking?" Jason asked in the background. I turned back around and faked a smile, throwing my hands in the air to exaggerate.

"Well, if the world is going to end, I may as well enjoy it, right?" I quoted Kruger's earlier statement, though the joke was lost to Jason. He wasn't there when Kruger made the comment. So I walked into the kitchen and looked around. I didn't drink more than a cooler or a beer here and there, and only ever at these parties. But, there was someone I didn't know standing in the kitchen, looking though cupboards. He pulled out a black labeled bottle with white writing. I recognized it, because my step-brother, Mike, drank whatever was in that bottle. In fact, I hardly saw him without the bottle in his hand. The only time I did was when he was driving, and I had my suspicions.

"Hey, can you pour me one of those?" I asked this random person. He nodded, and filled half a glass with the light brown liquid. Then he handed it to me, and held up his glass.

"Cheers." He offered. I faked a smile, holding my glass to his, and took a sip. I couldn't help but wince at the flavor. It was bold, and I wasn't expecting it. The guy laughed.

“First time?” He asked. I nodded slowly.

"Yeah, it hurts the first time." He joked, heading out of the kitchen. I shrugged, and finished what was in the glass. Then, I hopped up on the counter beside the bottle, and poured myself another one. Hey, what the hell, right? Happy fucking new year, I thought to myself. Then, I pounded back the second glass. I felt a rush to my head, and put my hands on the counter to balance myself. Then I nodded, like I was trying to convince myself I'd be alright. Then I felt sick. A sudden sickness. Like my stomach was doing back flips and hosting it's own party. But not like this one. The kind I'd seen on TV, with kegs, and keg stands. Frat boys. My stomach was hosting a party to frat boys. Oh joy, I thought. I jumped off the counter, and headed to the bathroom. I felt like I was going to throw up a couple aforementioned frat boys. I put my hands on the bathroom sink, and looked into the mirror in front of me. I couldn't see straight. My reflection was a blur. I turned the tap on and splashed a little water in my face, hoping to feel refreshed. It didn't work. I was burning up and the droplets of water evaporated on my skin. I felt hot, like I had set foot on the surface of the sun. I was sure my skin was going to melt off any minute. Should I panic? Should I call my mom to come and get me? No, she would be so upset. She might even ground me. Sherry couldn't do more than call me a cab, and I could do that myself. I could call my older brother, Robert. He might come pick me up, but then I'd have to sit through a six hour lecture about being too young for this atmosphere. What about the next party? I'd never be allowed to go, then I'd never get to see Jason. Suddenly, I was struck with anger. No, it surpassed being angry. I was filled with rage. An uncontrollable blinding fury. I wanted to break something. Someone.

"Fuck Jason." I slurred to myself out loud in the mirror. Oh, I was going to give him a piece of my mind but good. I opened the bathroom door, almost violently, stumbling out into the hallway. As it happened, I stumbled right into Kruger.

"Hey. I haven't seen you all night." He greeted. I faked a smile, and stared past him.

"Are you alright?" He asked, moving into my vision. I shook my head, stumbling again. He put his hand out to grab me, and I noticed he stumbled too. So I laughed.

"I feel, strange." I slurred out. He nodded.

"I can see you've been drinking." He commented. I could hear the slur in his voice. It sounded so similar to the one in mine. I looked up at him, biting the side of my lip nervously. Yeah, fuck Jason, I repeated to myself. I violently grabbed Kruger's shirt, and pulled him backwards into the bathroom. I locked the door, then turned back to face him.

"What are you doing?" He asked, putting his drink down on the counter. He knew already. I stepped forward and pulled him into a kiss. He took my hands in his and lightly pushed me back.

"What are you doing?" He repeated. I smiled, then playfully bit my lip again. Oh, he definitely knew. I stepped forward, pressing my body against his. I kissed him again, this time more violently. I moaned, but it was muffled into his lips. He put his hand on my lower back and pushed me forward, pressing my back into the counter. He ran his hand down my stomach almost awkwardly. His fingers pulled my jeans forward, and he clumsily pulled the zipper down. I fumbled with his belt buckle, but when I managed to unhook it, his pants fell to the ground. He lifted me up onto the counter, sliding my jeans just far enough. What am I doing? I contemplated to myself. But, the time for contemplation was over. I had never been with anyone but Jason before. It was different. Strange. But fuck Jason. I gave in, starting to moan. His lips moved to mine like he was trying to keep me quiet. I wasn't as into it as I thought I'd be, and the moaning was just overcompensation. I felt like I was having an out of body experience, just watching it happen. It didn't last long. Kruger pulled his pants up, and grabbed his drink from beside me. I slid off the counter, and pulled up my jeans. He seemed unaffected. I felt sick.

"Kruger, I don't feel well, can I lay down somewhere?" I asked. He nodded.

"Yeah, my guest room is upstairs and the first door on the left." He instructed. I nodded, walking out of the bathroom. I quickly looked around. No one was around to see us leave the bathroom together. So, I felt some relief, waving to Kruger as I headed upstairs. He waited at the bottom until I got to the top. Then I turned and watched him disappear into the party. I went for the door handle, but noticed a second bathroom further down the hall. I bolted towards it, pulling the door closed as I dropped to the floor. The frat party in my stomach was raging even harder, and now I was starting to think they were trying to break out of the prison they called my stomach. Maybe it was actually a prison riot. I barely made it to the toilet before throwing up. I stood back up, and rinsed my face in the sink. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I felt an overwhelming sadness. Before I even realized it, I had tears pouring from my eyes at such a rapid speed my vision blurred. Everything was crystallized. Transparent. If only that weren't a metaphor. I opened the bathroom door, and looked around the hallway. There was no one in sight, so I headed to the guest room. I fumbled with the door handle, but managed to stumble inside. I slowly closed it behind me, and walked towards the bed. I dropped down, face first. I still couldn't see straight. Now, I couldn't think straight either. The room was spinning. I just wanted my head to be still. I slowly pulled myself up, noticing two wet spots in the blanket under me. I didn't know if I was upset because of Kruger, or Jason, or both. I sighed to myself, wiping my eyes with the sleeve of my sweatshirt. Right now, I felt like putting the hood on and pulling the strings closed. Forever. Losing myself in this exact moment for fear of what moments might follow. I sat, motionless, in the dark. Quiet contemplation and new years resolutions, I thought. If the world was ending tonight, I picked the wrong way to end it. I wanted to call Robert so badly. I looked around, but there wasn't a phone in sight. My train of thought was interrupted by a knock at the door. I didn't answer. Another knock. I yelled "come in" and the door opened. I wiped my eyes and saw Topher walking in. He handed me one of those red beer cups everyone who didn't have a bottle had.

"What is this?" I asked taking a look at it. He laughed.

"Fruit punch." He answered. I shook my head.

"What's in it?" I rephrased. He took it from me, took a drink of it, and handed it back.

"Fruit punch." He repeated. I nodded, taking a sip. I knew he wouldn't drink, so, I could trust it.

"My head is spinning." I muttered, holding the cup with both hands. He nodded.

"Yeah. That happens." He commented. I nodded, but there was no reason for it. I was still crying, even though I tried to stop. I hated crying in front of people. It made me feel weak.

"What's wrong?" He asked. I looked over at him and went to answer, but just sighed. Where were the words? What could I even say? He gently ran the back of his hand over my cheeks.

"You can tell me." He assured. There was a softness to his voice that just, felt calming. My head started slowing down, and I was starting to feel normal again. Even the frat party had passed out in their alcohol induced insanity. Or the prison guards had tear gassed everyone. I nodded again.

"Did you see Jason downstairs?" I asked. He nodded.

"Yeah, with his friend." He answered. There was a hesitation between 'his' and 'friend'. I nodded, again.

"Yeah. That's what's wrong." I muttered.

"Do you not like her or something? I mean, she seemed nice." He asked. I couldn't help but sigh again.

"I'm dating Jason, or, I guess, I was." I rambled, trailing off. He stayed quiet.

"I mean, no one knew. It was like, a secret. I don't know. I thought, I don't know what I thought." I continued rambling. I guess alcohol has a way of making an otherwise quiet person a blabbermouth. Or, I was just that upset about the situation.

"Why was it a secret?" He asked. I looked over at him, still crying, and faked a smile.

"You wouldn't like the answer. Or, you'd be like, weirded out." I dismissed. He shrugged.

"Try me." He coaxed. I nervously shifted, biting my lip.

"I'm not as old as, you know, I said I was." I confessed. He waited a minute.

"How old are you?" He asked. I looked around the room.

"I'm just, way younger." I dismissed, my eyes locked on the floor. Anything to avoid eye contact. I could tell I was pouting, but my face wouldn't move. At least my crying had turned to light sobbing. He laughed, putting his arm around my shoulders. He pulled me into his chest.

"Yeah, I know already. I'm just messing with you. Sorry. This probably isn't the best time for humor." He confessed. I looked over at him, confused.

"You know? How? Wait, you're not going to tell, are you?" I almost sounded like I was squeaking as I spoke. No, I was squeaking because he started laughing.

"Yeah, Robert told me the night we met. Well, he didn't volunteer the information or anything. I went back to his place after I dropped you off, and asked. I was pretty shocked. You seemed way older. I knew I wasn't the only person who was going to think that, so, I've kept an eye on you. Well, both eyes. I know, that sounds totally creepy and stalkerish, but, I promise it was only half that." He admitted, smiling. I half-laughed, looking over at him.

"Oh there's that adorable smile." He commented. I rolled my eyes. He was the only person who could ever get away with calling me 'adorable'.

"Stop, you know I hate that word." I mumbled, lightly pushing him away from me. I took another drink, then put the juice on the table beside the bed. He laughed again.

"Yeah I know. Why do you think I use it?" He teased. I shook my head.

"Cause you're mean." I replied. He just laughed again.

"And you're trying to hurt me." I added. He shook his head.

"I'd never try to hurt you." He assured me. I looked over at him, and he smiled. I could feel my heart racing again. It was getting harder to breathe. I couldn't tell if that was still the alcohol, or if it was because of him. When his hand brushed the hair off my forehead, my heart did a back flip, and I knew. It was him. I sat facing him, just, quietly staring. Slowly, I leaned towards him. I put one of my hands on the back of his head, and used the other to balance as I leaned over. My lips hovered just above his. He smelled so inviting, I could have stayed there forever. Of course, I wanted to kiss him, but I was afraid. Hesitant. His lips reached forward, gently pressing against mine. Suddenly, everything felt, real. I was instantly sobered, and in complete disbelief. It was like time stopped in that moment. I smiled without moving. My fingers ran through the hairs on the back of his neck. He kissed me again, this time with more passion. I felt a surge run through my body that I can't explain. Every part of me felt a dull throb, some more then others. I moaned as he kissed me again. This wasn't overcompensation. It was like my circuit breaker had been off, and he just switched it back on. My hand slowly dropped down his back. I pulled my head back slightly, trying to catch my breath. As I did, he kissed my neck. I moaned again, digging my nails into his shirt. His hand had moved to my lower back, and in a swift and sudden movement, he had me laying on the bed underneath him. I moaned again, but it was almost a whimper. He leaned down and kissed me. Not with force, but with fury. Like he was holding back an eagerness. He was holding himself up with both arms. He looked like he was doing push ups. Slowly, he kissed down my chest, pulling the fabric of my shirt out of the way. I felt my heart skip half a dozen beats when his lips pressed into my stomach. Then it stopped beating entirely when he pulled down my jeans. He moved back up and his lips pressed back into mine. My heart was racing so fast I couldn't breath. He had taken the breath right out of my lungs and into his own. As his hand slid into my jeans, I moaned loudly. He started slow at first, but his pace sped up. As he pulled his hand back out, he undid the zipper. I felt almost immobilized by the anticipation. I can't believe this is happening, I thought to myself. I've thought of this moment so many times, but I never thought it would be a reality. I felt him fumble with his own zipper. I raised myself off the bed, and pulled my jeans down. He pulled them the rest of the way off, and threw them on the floor where his now were. He slowly positioned his body back above mine. My hands ran up his back and he lowered himself against me. He hesitated, watching my response. I leaned up and kissed him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He leaned down and kissed me deeply, pressing himself completely against me. I moaned again, resting my head in the crease of his neck. My body rose and fell with his. Our breathing, or panting, synchronized. I moaned into his mouth, and him into mine. One of my legs wrapped around his, the other draped over his back. As cheesy as this is, I thought, this is better than any dream. Every second felt surreal but I never wanted it to stop. I could have lost myself in that exact moment for fear that no others could ever measure up to it. The back and fourth, the push and pull, the moaning, and panting, and longing. I dug my nails into the back of his neck with the final movement, and his body collapsed against mine. Both trying to catch what little breath we could manage. I smiled, just staring up at him. He softly kissed me. It was just as passionate, but a little less eager. I kept smiling through it. He moved, rolling over onto his side. He propped himself up with his elbow, and I looked over at him. We were both quiet as he ran his other hand across my stomach. I rolled over to face him.

"That was..." I started to say, but yawned through. I had no idea how much time had passed since he came into the room. It felt like a life time. I smiled, and laughed. He nodded, half smiling.

"Yeah." He agreed. He dropped his back against the bed, and extended his arm. I hesitated.

“Oh come on.” He insisted, teasingly. I smiled, and moved closer to him. He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me right against him. I put my hand on his stomach, and my head on his chest. I was there only a minute before I fell asleep.