Every Single Life

I've been thinking of you every time I close my eyes. 

I wish I could keep you further from my mind. 

Every time I blink, it's like a flash of light.

I think I've loved you in every single life.

I know it wouldn't make any sense to you, 

I would never expect it to. 

Really, I don't understand it myself. 

I've tried so many things, nothing seems to help.

I thought I'd be able to write you out,

Leave you in the past, without a doubt.

Instead it did quite the opposite,

I'm thinking of you more because of it. 

I'm hoping it's a temporary side effect

Of being able to finally leave you in the past.

You never wanted to be in my life,

I wish I could respect that inside my mind. 

I never should have reached out, I wouldn't again.

After all these years, how could we be friends?

I wasn't thinking it through, that's obvious.

There's no possible future for the two of us.

It was silly to think we could reconnect,

But I had to take the chance, I didn't want the regret.

I should have just written you a letter,

Then sealed it and hid it away forever.

I would have liked to tell you how I feel,

Even if you didn't think it was real.

I'd have liked to share my vision

Of the many lives you and I have lived.

Maybe you would have thought I was crazy,

I prefer to think creatively.

I want to believe there's a greater purpose

For all the feelings I harbor for us. 

I know that you're not in my future,

But I can't seem to heal this suture.

I'm sorry, again, for what I've put you through.

I wish for nothing but the best for you. 

I asked you to be upfront with me

From the very beginning,

To tell me if I was being weird

Or crossed any lines I wasn't aware of.

You told me we'd communicate better,

I thought this time would be different. 

I was actually hopeful, but

I bought the same line I always did.

You could have simply closed the door,

I would have got the message.

Instead you let me think that

We actually stood a chance. 

You should have punched me in the face,

It would have been much kinder.

Instead you chose dead silence, 

Like that would explain it better. 

You left me wondering why,

Is there something wrong with me?

You practically begged for the chance,

Yet you're the one to leave.

I broke the promise I made

In order to give us a fighting chance,

Then instead of saying something,

You left me on read. 

I should know not to trust people,

I've been let down before.

But I try to see the best in people,

I think we get what we deserve.

Maybe I'm a naive dreamer,

Maybe my head is in the clouds,

But there's too much negativity

Out there in the world. 

I'd rather be hopeful and wrong

Than right and be a cynic.

The opposite of how I used to think

Before I found my faith.

It's funny how that lines up

With thoughts of you in my head.

I wonder if there is reason,

If it serves a greater purpose.