Chapter 1

Hayden put her binders out on display on her bed. She checked that there were four, and that all of them had paper inside of them. She shoved the binders into her backpack and looked around for her pencil case. She should have had her books packed before this morning, but she used the pencil case every day. At first, she couldn’t find it. When she found it, it was on the floor behind her desk. She knelt down on the floor and grabbed the pencil case. She tossed it into her bag, then grabbed her bag and flung it over her shoulder. She headed down the stairs and into the kitchen. Her mother was preparing her lunch already. Hayden put her bag on the kitchen table. She went into the living room to say good morning to her beagle, Daisy. She had been with the family for about 4 years. She was one of Hayden’s best friends.

Hayden lived in the Grennon housing complex. It was a neighborhood for low-income families. The townhouses were in the shape of a “C”. Hayden called it the seashell house. No one really understood why. It wasn’t really obvious unless you looked at the neighborhood on a map. Hayden had a unique ability to see things that other people couldn’t. She could see the rays of light from the sun, and saw them reach the ground too. She could probably see underground if she could focus her thinking. She had difficulty focusing though. She thought about this as she started walking down the road towards Rob’s house. He lived about 6 minutes away by foot. Hayden could walk over there just because she had a thought and wanted to share it with Rob. He would walk to her house for no reason too. It was convenient being so close. Everything was close in their neighborhood. The store, the pool, the beach, the theatre, school. Everything was within a 30 minute walking radius.

Hayden spent a lot of time outside with her friends. During the summer, they went to the beach almost every day. When it was super hot, they just went down to the Michele Heights community center swimming pool. It was much closer and they could get away without wearing sunscreen because they weren’t really “outside” of the water. It didn’t matter if they wore sunscreen anyway because it always came off in the water. When they walked to the beach, it was a bit further away. They had no choice but to wear sunscreen because they were outside of the water most of the time. Walking. It was easy to get burnt if you weren’t wearing sunscreen. Of course, Hayden’s mother was always telling her to put sunscreen on at the pool too. She just didn’t listen.

Hayden waved at one of her neighbors as she passed her house. She was an elderly woman with a walker who always sat on her front porch in the morning. Hayden guessed it was to see the kids, because she lived alone and might be lonely. That’s why Hayden always made a point to say good morning to her when she walked by. She continued down the street, passing the corner store. The light at Grennon and Carling took forever to change. Finally, Hayden crossed the street and walked another block to the Ritchie town homes. Rob lived in one of the center town houses.

Hayden knocked on the door. She could hear a commotion inside. She heard Rob’s mother yell “no running in the house”. Hayden laughed to herself as she adjusted the heavy bag on her back. The door swung open a few seconds later. Brent was the one who answered.

“Rob, your girlfriend is here.” Brent teased as he disappeared into the house. Hayden faked a smile. She never argued Brent. He made the same joke all the time. It had lost it’s humor. It wasn’t even annoying anymore, just sad. Hayden didn’t bother commenting because it would only encourage him. She should have ignored him the first time he said anything. Maybe he wouldn’t have continued with the jokes. Hayden looked around as she waited outside. She could see the old playground behind Rob’s house. They used to be in a play group there when they were younger. Hayden loved playing on the fake train. It was so cool. She did it on occasion, even though she was a teenager. Her and Rob would go hang out after it was dark and no one could see them. It was just one of the things they did to pass the time. There was a rule about trespassing on school property, so they had no choice but to sneak in after dark. It felt juvenile and Hayden often had to remind herself they were teenagers. Sometimes, she felt younger. Sometimes, she felt older. Circumstance played a major role in how old she felt in any particular moment. She would adapt to the people she was around. She didn’t really know how to “act her age” because she had no concrete idea of what that was.

Rob was older in his head too. His identical twin, Brent, was as immature as any other 14 year old. When he was with Danny and Chris, he was completely insufferable. Hayden and Rob avoided the trio whenever possible. They were just too chaotic. Both Hayden and Rob were more on the reserved side. They were shy kids and it was hard to be around that kind of energy. That was why they would sneak off together all the time. It wasn’t because there was any romantic interest. It was just because everyone else was annoying.

Brent was out of the house first, pushing past Hayden on his way. She almost tripped, but managed to catch herself on the door frame. She shot him a dirty look, but he never looked back to see it. Instead, it was Rob who apologized for his brother. Hayden shrugged it off. Brent was always doing things like that. She was used to it. Chris and Danny ran up behind Brent, one of them jumping onto his shoulders. Hayden shook her head as her and Rob followed in silence. It was typical for them, but his silence seemed different than usual. It felt heavier. It couldn’t be family issues, because then Brent would be down too. He was obnoxious, not oblivious. Hayden silently watched Rob in her peripheral vision. He kept swinging his long brown hair in front of his face. They waited for the school bus in silence. Alternative High School had 7/8 students as well, so the busses still picked up the teenagers. The bus driver was never thrilled to see the annoying trio load on. He was always delighted to see the pair of brunettes that followed. Today, he had his eyebrow raised as Hayden and Rob got on the bus. He put one of his hands up to stop the pair from passing.

“Is everything okay?” He asked, seemingly to Hayden. She nodded.

“Yeah. Fine.” She assured. Rob nodded, faking a smile. Hayden knew it was one of his fake smiles. She waited until they sat down, then turned to face him.

“Okay, tell me why you’re mopey.” She demanded, crossing her arms. Rob looked over his shoulder. His brother was at the back of the bus with the other two. They were wrestling in one of the seats. The driver was shaking his head. He scolded them almost every day. It was exhausting.

“Jessica.” He mumbled. Hayden shook her head.

“What did she do this time?” She groaned.

“I did what you said. I told her it was over.” He started.

“And?” Hayden pried. He shook his head.

“She said she was going to kill herself.” He mumbled.

“Again?” She continued groaning. Rob shrugged.

“I don’t know what to do.” He sighed, dropping his head against the back of the seat. Hayden nodded.

“Well my advice didn’t turn out very well, so, neither do I. I mean, what are you supposed to do in this situation?” She questioned. Rob shrugged.

“Date a girl I don’t like for the rest of my life or until she finds someone else to latch onto?” He proposed. Hayden shook her head aggressively.

“That’s ridiculous! What kind of life would that be?” She squeaked. Rob sighed.

“Better than being alone.” They were both quiet.

“You’re not alone. You have me.” Hayden offered softly. Rob looked over at her and smiled.

“I love you.” He blurted. Hayden smiled back and nodded.

“I know silly, I love you too!” She replied, playfully slapping his shoulder. He shook his head as the bus came to a stop. Hayden jumped over him to be off the bus first. Rob shuffled behind her to class.

The pair had home room together, which was English. For the second period, Rob was in a class with Jessica. They were glued to each other until third period. Rob and Hayden had last period together, then caught the bus or took the walk home together. Jessica was never a part of this routine. She would have thrown off the whole vibe. Hayden and Rob often walked in silence. That word was not in Jessica’s dictionary. She was the complete opposite of Rob. She was loud and irrational. She was annoying. She was pretentious. She was insufferable. Hayden couldn’t understand what Rob ever saw in her to begin with. She definitely understood his predicament. She had been in a similar position with the first boy she dated. He made her responsible for everything and threatened to kill himself. She told her parents and they called the boy’s parents. He had to go to therapy. They moved right after hoping for a “fresh start”. Hayden knew there was no such thing. She had moved enough to know that you can’t outrun your problems because they are mostly inside. Most people are comfortable with their lives, it’s their inner turmoil that eats them alive.

Hayden chose to write. She wrote down everything that happened and how she felt. She had piles upon piles of journals that were filled, even in the margins. She loved to write. Her favorite thing to write was made-up stories. Sometimes, she would submit something to a writing contest. It was rare, but she did it on occasion. She had never won anything. She wasn’t particularly concerned either. She only participated to say that she did. She was going to keep writing whether or not she had an audience. Because she wanted to be an author, her English teacher favored her. He was always giving her special privileges. To be fair, she worked a lot harder than most of the other students too. She had the top grades in all of her classes. A few people disliked her because they saw her as a teacher’s pet. She tried to ignore those types of comments. She knew that she earned her grades. It didn’t matter what anyone else thought about it.

Rob was unusually quiet during first period. It was unnerving. He normally participated in class. He was the first to volunteer to read a passage. A few people disliked him because of that. Especially the people who sat in front and behind him who would be called on after he spoke. Hayden sat in the desk beside him in the middle of the classroom. The middle seemed like the best spot when they were the first students to class the morning school started. They kept their seats, despite the growing whispers around them from the other classmates. Hayden didn’t care if people judged her for being smart. To her, it just meant that they weren’t. She knew it bugged Rob a bit though. He tried to let things bounce off, but there were some comments he took to heart. The reason Brent still made the “girlfriend” joke was because it still seemed to bother Rob. Hayden never understood why he’d let something like that get under his skin. She wasn’t as pretty as Jessica, but she thought she was fairly average looking. Would it really be such a bad thing?