Chapter 10

Hayden was right that people were treating her differently. She came to realize it was because they felt sorry for her. Everyone was convinced Rob was a serial dater and that he just manipulated women into being with him. Simply tossing them aside when they were no longer useful. Hayden hated hearing people talk about him like that. He was the absolute opposite. He didn’t seem to care what other people were saying. He never did. Hayden admired that quality. She cared too much about what other people thought. If she didn’t, she never would have been civil with Jessica in the first place. They never had anything in common and they were very different people.

On Thursday, Rob came to school with his hair cut. It was styled different, with highlights too. Hayden was happy he listened to her. He said it was because his mother demanded it. But Hayden didn’t think Anne really cared how long his hair was. She had never said anything as far as Hayden knew. Brent used to have longer hair too, until he wanted to cut it shorter. Anne let her kids decide their own style, which was a blessing and a curse. Hayden still had to argue her parents when she put certain articles of clothing together. She often had to do a fashion show for her parents before leaving the house. Hayden assumed it was because they were worried about the impression she would make of them with her strange fashion style. It wasn’t that strange to Hayden. She wore whatever was comfortable. It didn’t matter to her if anything matched. She wore what she felt like wearing. Rob put a big more thought into his image. It drew the attention of a few other girls as well.

Hayden noticed a few different girls had made excuses to sit by them at lunch. They would often touch Rob’s arm or his leg. They would twirl their hair. They would look at Hayden like she was the devil in the body of a teenage girl. Hayden and Rob had discussed that to keep up appearances and still appear just friends, they would both have to act natural if someone flirt with them. Hayden was comfortable with the concept in practice. In theory, she was sick of watching girls throw themselves at her boyfriend. She wanted to make sure everyone knew he was hers. If she couldn’t do that outwardly, she would have to get creative.

She finally gathered the courage to go to the library and check out a few books. She made sure to grab an anatomy book as well as a few sexual education textbooks. She spent the entire weekend reading, completely forgetting to finish Of Mice and Men. Instead, her eyes were scanning the illustrations in textbooks meant for people studying the human body. Hayden didn’t need to study what every single organ did. She just wanted to know how the sex organs worked. Luckily, one of the books she grabbed included detailed diagrams. They didn’t show intercourse, but they referenced it in a way that Hayden felt like she understood. If she looked at humans like pieces in a puzzle, she could see how the bodies would fit together. The physical mechanics weren’t really the confusing part. Hayden had asked many different people what age was acceptable to have sex. No one really had an answer. Everyone sounded just like Amy, including her parents. They didn’t ask why she was asking. She didn’t offer them any further information. She just kept asking people who had been sexually active. Everyone seemed sure she would “know” when she was ready. Rob said the same thing. He said it was a natural process and it wouldn’t be something you planned. Unfortunately, Hayden was the kind of person who liked to plan things. She didn’t care for surprises.

By Sunday night, Rob was bugging her about the novel for English. They didn’t need to finish reading it for a few more weeks, but Rob wanted to move onto another book. He didn’t like reading more than one at a time, but he loved reading. So he was eager to finish the school-assigned book and pick something up from his personal collection. After three hours of endless reading, they finally finished the book. Hayden threw her copy onto the ground. She dropped down onto the floor, laying on her back. She folded her arms under her head.

“So, the story itself got better. It never got any easier to read.” Hayden whined. Rob laughed as he closed his book. He tossed it onto the coffee table.

“I never said it did.” He defended. She rolled her eyes.

“Oh well. At least I’m not a zombie.” She mocked. Rob smiled.

“Dead man walking.” He corrected. She held her hand up in the shape of a gun.

“Bang.” She pretended to shoot him. He grasped at his shirt dramatically as he fell dead on the couch. Hayden stared at him for a minute, biting the side of her lip. The new hair style framed his face instead of hiding it behind a curtain made of hair. It drew attention to how big his smile was. She moved to sit beside him on the couch. The couch shifting caused his eyes to open. He looked at her with confusion.

“Yes?” He questioned. She shook her head.

“I was thinking,” She started. He immediately raised his eyebrow, which made her laugh.

“My parents aren’t home, and the kids are in bed.” She paused. He nodded.

“Let’s go to my room.” She finished. His jaw fell open. She moved quickly and kissed him. He nodded, quickly getting to his feet. He pulled her up with him and kissed her.

“Okay.” He agreed. She took his hand and led him downstairs to her bedroom. Once inside the room, Hayden pushed Rob down on the bed. Before he could protest, she straddled him and attacked his lips.

“What are you doing?” He stuttered. Hayden smiled as she kissed him again.

“Can I see it?” She asked under her breath. His eyes went wide.

“What?” His voice cracked. Hayden laughed, leaning back.

“I’ve never seen one in person.” She hinted. Rob was quiet.

“Yeah.” He agreed after a few long seconds of quiet contemplation. Hayden slid off his lap and adjusted herself beside him. She sat on top of her folded legs and reached for his zipper.

“Are you sure?” His hand grabbed hers. She nodded as she made eye contact with him. He swallowed hard and took his hand away. Hayden undid the zipper and tugged his jeans down a bit. She slowly pulled him out of his boxers. She held his penis in her hands for a few seconds.

“What makes it get hard?” She asked randomly. Rob chuckled.

“If you keep touching it, you’ll find out.” He tried joking. Hayden wasn’t listening to him. Her eyes were fixated on the ridges and veins that ran the length of his shaft. She traced her finger along one of the veins and felt him twitch in her hand. He grabbed her wrist.

“You should stop.” He insisted. She bit the side of her lip.

“Do you want me to stop?” She asked, slowly closing her hand around him. His eyes shot closed.

“Fuck.” He grunted. Hayden smiled, more to herself.

“I’ll stop if you want me to.” She assured sweetly. Rob’s mouth was open, but no sound was coming out. Hayden kept stroking him, watching as he grew in her hand.

“Oh.” She mused. Rob opened his eyes.

“What?” He choked out. She giggled to herself.

“It’s just, bigger than I expected.” She confessed. Rob raised his eyebrow.

“You’ve thought about it?” He stuttered. She didn’t slow her pace.

“Of course.” She dismissed his confusion. He dropped his head back down on the pillow.

“I’ve been thinking about it since,” She trailed off, biting her lip. Rob went to say something, but he noticed the clock that was on the bedside table.

“Fuck. I have to get home.” He grunted. Hayden released him and let him put his pants back on. He jumped off the bed and was one foot out the door when he stopped.

“To be continued.” He promised. Hayden smiled to herself as she heard him head upstairs. He let himself out and she casually walked upstairs to lock the door. She had no idea when her parents were planning to come home, but they had keys.

Hayden was distracted as she tried to sleep that night. She couldn’t help but wonder if Rob was really worried about what time it was or if he just wanted her to stop. If he wanted her to stop, why? Was she doing something wrong? Did it not feel good? She was following the instructions she had read. Maybe she’d need him to show her what to do? She’d have to ask the next time they were alone together. But in the meantime, she was going to let her imagination run wild with future possibilities. If it were anyone else, she would be jumping to worst-case scenarios. Once again, she found herself thinking about what she wanted to do with him. When they were ready. He obviously wasn’t. Hayden was starting to think that she might be.

The next day at school, Rob was acting distant. It was like he didn’t want to be alone with her for even a second. He even made awkward, obvious excuses. Hayden tried not to take it personally, but it affirmed her thought that she had done something wrong. Because it was Rob, she knew he’d tell her eventually. He’d process whatever was going on inside his head and then he’d share. He always did. She could count on him, even when she couldn’t count on anyone else. He was her rock. Her North star. If soul mates were a real thing, he was definitely her soul mate. Even if they didn’t last in a relationship, they were platonic soul mates as far as Hayden was concerned.

Rob came by on Tuesday after dinner. The kids were downstairs playing, so they went into her room to talk. She didn’t close the door fully.

“I’m sorry about the other night.” He spoke quietly so the kids wouldn’t hear him. She shrugged.

“What did I do wrong?” She asked, looking down at the floor. Rob grabbed her hand.

“Nothing. It’s not you. It’s me.” He sighed. She looked up at him and saw the pain in his eyes.

“Oh Robbie, why didn’t you tell me?” She gasped. He shook his head.

“I didn’t remember until the other night. I must have blocked it out.” He explained. She nodded.

“Who was it?” She asked softly. He let out a deep exhale.

“It was an old babysitter. It happened a few times. I never told anyone because it felt good too, you know?” He started rambling. Hayden gently squeezed his hand. He looked over at her.

“I’m sorry.” He repeated. Hayden shook her head.

“You don’t have to apologize. I should be apologizing to you.” She corrected. He shook his head.

“I took advantage of your curiosity.” He tried reasoning. Hayden laughed loudly.

“You did not!” She argued. Rob was quiet, which wasn’t unusual. It was unusual that this heavy cloud hung over his head like a storm cloud waiting to release torrential down pour on civilians below. It looked like Rob was going to be the only casuality of this storm.

“I told you, I’ve been thinking of it.” She defended. Rob smirked.

“Yeah, you said that.” He agreed. She put her other hand on his back.

“Do you know why?” She asked softly. He shrugged.

“Because I trust you. More than I’ve ever trusted anyone. I feel like I can be vulnerable with you.” She explained. Rob looked over and smiled at her.

“I trust you too.” He assured. She smiled again, then threw her arms around him and dropped her head onto his shoulder. They sat that way for a few minutes before they were interrupted by Hannah. She wanted them to play in the new fort. They headed out of the room, but Hayden kept holding his hand.