Chapter 11

 Hayden couldn’t stop thinking about what Rob had told her. She had told him a long time ago about her uncle Tommy. It happened when she was 8 or 9. Tommy was young too. He was only 19. But he should have known better. Hayden didn’t. She didn’t see anything wrong with what happened at the time. It was only looking back that she could see there were boundaries that were crossed. Boundaries she wasn’t aware she even had. No one had really told her about that stuff at the time. She was too young. By the time she had the words, Tommy had already overdosed. She didn’t feel like she should mention what happened and ruin other people’s memories of him. She only shared that information with Rob. She couldn’t explain it, but something felt off. It felt like he was lying about something. But she had never known Rob to lie, especially to her. If he did, he would have to have a pretty good reason. All Hayden knew about the situation was she had unintentionally made him uncomfortable. She was going to make sure she didn’t do that again, even if she was curious.

She already turned in the books she had finished and got new ones. She enjoyed the text books that were aimed at teachers. They were more direct than the medical text books, which made them easier for her to understand. She wanted to understand the mechanism of the penis, as well as what a girl was supposed to do with it. She wanted to be prepared, more than just mentally. She was treating sexual education like any other part of her education. It was elective, but it was still education.

Then Samantha told her that there were spicy romance novels. Naturally, Hayden was curious. She only checked out one at first. Reading it filled Hayden’s head with new ideas. Now that she knew what he looked like, her mind didn’t have to fill in the blanks. She could push the fantasies as much as she wanted to, even if she knew they wouldn’t come true any time soon. She felt a bit bad for fantasizing about Rob. He clearly wasn’t ready to take that step. She was just so excited at the very idea of being with him. She couldn’t help herself. They had always been really close. Hayden trusted him completely. She wouldn’t want to be with anyone else. He was the perfect choice. She was willing to wait as long as he wanted. She was confident it would be worth the wait too.

Over the week, Hayden made sure to only be alone with Rob in public places. She needed him to be comfortable around her. It was driving her a little crazy that he wasn’t already. She recognized that being open with her about what had happened was his first step towards opening up. It was only a matter of being patient. It also occurred to her that Rob’s relationship with Jessica was more shallow than she originally thought. Obviously, Jessica had never touched him. Hayden knew she wanted to do so much more than touch him. She wanted to absorb into him and let their bodies become one. She knew she was getting ahead of herself, but she kept getting swept up in the fantasies.

For brief moments, she’d entertain fantasies of a random classmate instead. It wasn’t the same class mate every time. She would randomly think of someone. Every time she did, she was greeted by Jessica’s party and what happened with Wayne. Rob was right that the thoughts creep up when least expected. Hayden didn’t want to think about the party. She wasn’t ready to process what could have happened. It wasn’t what happened that worried her. After reading, she realized it could have been much worse for her. The part that bothered her the most was her own inaction. She didn’t do anything to stop it from happening. She completely froze. She knew she shouldn’t have put herself in that situation in the first place. She needed to be more observant of things that were happening around her. If she had been more observant, maybe she would have seen Rob had the same experience she had. The same baggage. At least she was better prepared for the future of their relationship.

Hayden was getting sick of walking on eggshells for Jessica. Jessica was still obsessing over how terrible Rob was and how he didn’t deserve to be happy. She’d rant to anyone who was willing to listen to her. She’d rant to Hayden, no matter how many times she asked Jessica to stop. She didn’t want to hear all the nasty things Jessica thought about her best friend. She tried to make that clear, but Jessica was ignoring her intentionally. That was her method. She made herself so insufferable that anyone who came in contact with her would surrender to her wants. Of course if they didn’t, she’d just resort to physical violence and threatening other people’s safety. She was a disturbed girl.

Hayden was still upset about the tree house. On Thursday night, she stood in the back yard, looking at the charred remains. She couldn’t believe Jessica got away with burning their tree house down. Hayden knew that James often took the blame for things that Jessica had done. When she tried smoking, when she was caught with alcohol, when she threw a rock through the school’s front window. She had been in a lot of trouble, but it was always James who took the blame. Jessica was seen as a perfect angel, until you upset her. She flipped, like a switch. Angel to devil. Of course Hayden only saw the devil side. She didn’t seen any redeeming qualities in Jessica. She was just insufferable.

Luckily, Hayden didn’t have to deal with Jessica outside of school. Jessica wasn’t hanging around the park between their houses. She wasn’t making excuses to come over randomly. She was only bothering them when they were at school. After school became a paradise. Even as Hayden stared at the remains of her tree house, she felt a sense of relief. It was short-lived. Her mother called her back into the house. Rob was here. Hayden felt an intense panic rush over her. She had specifically told him not to come over this week, that she was busy. She didn’t want to risk him seeing the books all over her bedroom. She thought it would make him uncomfortable.

“What are you doing here?” She asked sharply, leaning against the hallway wall. Rob laughed.

“I missed you.” He answered casually. Hayden shook her head.

“What were you doing?” He questioned, motioning towards the back.

“Looking at the tree house.” Hayden sighed. Rob nodded slowly.

“You’ve got to let go.” He instructed. Hayden nodded.

“I know. But it’s hard when we’re still humoring her tantrum.” She complained. Rob sighed.

“Yeah. I thought she’d be over it by now.” He agreed. Hayden started walking towards the basement. Rob took off his shoes and followed along behind her. She motioned for him to sit down on the couch. She stayed standing, pacing back and fourth.

“Are you embarrassed by me?” She accused. Rob laughed.

“You’re joking right?” She shook her head.

“I don’t think this is all because of Jessica. I think there’s something else going on and you’re not telling me.” She motioned between the two of them. Rob shook his head.

“I don’t want to hurt your reputation.” He mumbled. She stopped.

“What do you mean?” She asked. Rob shrugged.

“If people know about us, they’re going to question what you’ve worked so hard for. You want to be known as the smart girl, I’m in the way of that.” He explained. Hayden dropped down beside him.

“I don’t care about my reputation.” She dismissed. He looked up, raising his eyebrow.

“You’ve worked so hard to keep your grades perfect though.” He whined. Hayden nodded.

“But I know I’m smart. I don’t need validation from my peers.” She defended. Rob nodded.

“I’m just worried.” He sighed. Hayden kept nodding.

“I know. Me too. But for completely different reasons.” She attempted to joke. He smiled.

“I don’t want you to worry about me.” He hinted.

“I can’t help it.” She sighed. Rob laughed.

“If you hadn’t spent the whole week avoiding me, you would know I’m fine.” He reasoned.

“I wasn’t avoiding you.” She corrected. Rob chuckled.

“Sure.” He answered dismissively. She rolled her eyes.

“I wasn’t! I was avoiding temptation.” She defended. Rob raised his eyebrow.

“Temptation?” He questioned. She nodded slowly.

“I know I made you uncomfortable. I don’t want to put you in that situation again. So I thought I’d maintain some distance until you said otherwise.” She rambled. Rob nodded.

“I’m saying otherwise. I don’t want you to distance yourself from me. I want you to be here, with me.” He assured as he wrapped his hands around hers. She nodded slowly.

“I know how much you worry. I think it’s adorable. But you don’t have to worry about me.” He repeated. Hayden was quiet, staring at their hands.

“I don’t want to hide forever.” She sighed.

“Then we won’t hide it anymore.” He offered. She raised her eyebrow.

“Jessica will lose it. She’ll know we never broke up. She’ll know we lied. She’ll be livid.” Hayden ranted. Rob laughed as she did, shaking his head.

“Who cares?” He countered. She shook her head.

“You should be more worried.” She argued. Rob nodded.

“There’s only so much she can get away with.” He assured. Hayden faked a smile.

“She’d get away with murder.”

It took Hayden a bit of convincing, but Rob convinced her to make it official at the Halloween party they were going to. Jessica would be in attendance too, but it wasn’t at her house. That meant Jessica wouldn’t be able to make as big of a scene. Rob wanted to take advantage of that. Hayden didn’t think it was a good idea to make a big public spectacle by showing up together, but that was exactly what Rob wanted. The way he explained it, he wanted everyone to understand he was spoken for. He was sick of the girls who tried to give him their number. He thought it was disrespectful. He knew he had a girlfriend. He wanted everyone else to know too.

Hayden wished she had Rob’s confidence. He never doubted his own instinct. He never let other people get inside his head. He was strong-willed and passionate. He was a great example of what every guy should be. Hayden worried about what people were going to say about her. She didn’t want to be, but a part of her was always going to worry about what other people thought. Throughout her life, she had been bullied relentlessly. By both adults and peers. She was aware of all her flaws, credit to the bullies in her life. She heard their voices in her head all the time.

It wasn’t bullying that worried her this time. Hayden was more worried about Jessica’s reaction. Whether it was a private or public place, Jessica was willing to make a scene almost anywhere. While Rob dismissed it, Hayden knew Jessica had no respect for other people’s property either. There was nothing stopping her from breaking the TV of the host. Hayden was worried she might even try to instigate a physical altercation. Hayden knew she couldn’t defend herself. She wasn’t a physical person. It was the one subject she was failing at in school. She just had to hope that Jessica wasn’t going to make a scene.

To make everything worse, Rob wanted to wear a couple’s costume. It was something he had already been thinking about. Hayden was against it when he first pitched the idea. Then they settled on similar, not matching costumes. Hayden was going to dress as a police woman. Rob was going to dress in a black and white striped jumpsuit. He would be her prisoner for the evening. It made a statement without having to use words. Hayden couldn’t imagine Jessica reacting very well. At the same time, she didn’t want to let Jessica ruined a potentially fun evening. There was something contagious about Rob’s optimism and whimsy too.