Chapter 18 (+18)

Hayden was told that Rob would be going back to school after the Christmas break. Over the Christmas break, she would be allowed to see him when he wasn’t busy. Her first time over, Hayden got to hang out with Rob and Josh. Josh expressed that he was happy everything worked out in Rob’s favor. He said it would have been a shame for Rob’s reputation to be ruined so early in life. Hayden was happy that Rob had such a supportive influence in his life. At first. She couldn’t help but notice that Rob acted different when he was around Josh. She tried to convince herself that she was just imagining things. It became hard to ignore. She recognized the way Rob was looking at Josh. It was the same way he looked at her. She had a feeling that she knew why.

Hayden distanced herself for a few days. She knew she should just talk to Rob. But, she was trying to work through whatever was going on in her mind on her own first. She didn’t want to bring it up until she knew exactly what bothered her about the situation. She knew she couldn’t blame Rob if he did have a history with Josh. She was upset he wouldn’t think that was relevant. Especially after she told him about Samantha. She didn’t understand why he was keeping something like that from her. The more she thought about it, the more she wondered if Rob was actually gay. That could be the real reason he didn’t want her touching him. Maybe he couldn’t relax into something with a woman. It could be that he hadn’t realized it for himself. Hayden knew a few older men who were gay. She thought about asking them for advice, but she didn’t want to overstep. Hayden didn’t really know how to approach the subject.

Rob came over on Saturday while the family was with Brent at a game. Hayden’s parents were out with the kids, sledding on a nearby hill. Hayden led Rob down into the basement. She dropped down on the couch and he cautiously sat beside her.

“You’ve been avoiding me.” He sighed. Hayden shrugged.

“I’ve just got a lot on my mind.” She tried to dismiss. Rob shook his head.

“You’ve always got a lot on your mind.” He corrected. Hayden was quiet.

“So, what’s wrong?” Rob asked again. Hayden took a deep breath.

“Are you gay?” She blurted. Rob’s eyes went wide.

“What?” He stuttered out. Hayden shrugged.

“I mean, it would explain a few things.” She mumbled. Rob shook his head.

“I’m not gay.” He defended. Hayden rolled her eyes.

“It doesn’t matter if you are. It won’t change my opinion of you.” She assured. He shook his head.

“I’m not.”

“You act different around Josh.” She observed. He raised his eyebrow.

“Different how?” He questioned. Hayden shrugged again.

“Like, you like him.” She answered quietly. Rob let out a deep sigh.

“There was a time, I thought I was.” He started. Hayden raised her eyebrow.

“Really?” She asked. Rob nodded slowly.

“Josh was the only person I trusted. So I explored those feelings with him. I enjoyed it, but not the way I enjoyed you.” He hinted. Hayden let out another sigh.

“Okay. I believe you.” She exhaled. Rob put his hand on her leg.

“I like you, Hayden. I love you.” He assured. She was quiet.

“But you won’t touch me.” She noted. Rob’s jaw dropped.

“Are you kidding? I didn’t know that was an option!” He gasped. She looked over at him.

“You would?” She asked softly. He nodded with enthusiasm.

“I’m not ready for sex, but I’m willing to do anything to you.” He assured. Hayden bit the side of her lip. Rob moved forward and caught her lips with his own.

“Anything.” He repeated. She nodded slowly.

“I want to use your mouth.” She whispered. Rob nodded and motioned towards the bedroom. Hayden jumped up and grabbed his hand, dragging him along behind her. She closed the door and did up the chain lock. Rob started kissing her as soon as they were inside the room. She guided him towards the bed and pulled him onto the bed with her. He started kissing her neck, letting his hands roam over her torso. Hayden’s eyes fluttered shut as his lips moved down to her stomach. She tried to keep her eyes open, to watch Rob. She couldn’t focus when he was so close to her core. She could feel his hot breath against her stomach as he started pulling down the pajama pants she was wearing. She whimpered as he made contact with her bare skin. She moved both her hands to his head, wrapping her fingers through his hair. He was eager to please her.

For a brief second, the idea of Brent between her legs flashed across her mind. She jerked away, pulling Rob up on the bed. He looked confused. It was adorable. Hayden went to speak, but the words got stuck in her throat. She had no idea how she was going approach the subject.

“What’s wrong?” He asked breathing heavily. Hayden took a deep breath.

“I just, was thinking of someone else. I’m sorry.” She apologized. Rob raised his eyebrow.

“Who?” He questioned. Hayden bit the side of her lip.

“Brent.” She confessed. Rob was quiet.

“I’m sorry.” Hayden repeated. Rob shook his head.

“Why?” He stuttered out. Hayden ran one of her hands up his arm.

“Because it’s the closest thing to you I can have.” She answered. Rob slowly shook his head.

“You can have me, babe.” He assured. He moved back between her legs. She tried to resist, but it felt too good. She surrendered against his tongue. Brent didn’t cross her mind again.

Hayden felt guilty after Rob went home that night. She felt like their sexual adventures had been one sided. She would have liked to do something for him. Even if he wasn’t ready to have real sex, he was obviously willing to participate in other activities. She wondered what else Rob would be willing to do. Exactly how far was he willing to go? How far would he be willing to let her go?

Then she started thinking about Josh again. What if the whole reason Rob wouldn’t let her touch him because he felt guilty about Josh? Maybe he had feelings for Josh. Hayden hadn’t asked if there were feelings involved. Hayden hadn’t really asked anything. She was going to need to collect her thoughts before she approached the subject again. But it was definitely a topic for the next time they were alone together.

She was a little upset about Josh. He was allowed to touch Rob and she wasn’t. She understood it was no different than her and Samantha. Her and Samantha were way worse because they weren’t just exploring feelings. They were a semi-regular thing. Hayden had no control over the situation though. Samantha was always the one to initiate, and it didn’t matter if Hayden was willing or not. Hayden liked the idea of being able to say “touch me” to someone and actually get a response. Rob was eager about it too. That was reassuring to Hayden. It meant he was getting more comfortable with her.

Anne invited Hayden to come over for New Years Eve. It was a special occasion, so they were allowed to have a glass of wine to bring in the new year. It was a family tradition, after all. Hayden and Rob were downstairs in the basement. They were taking turns playing Sonic the Hedgehog on his Sega game system. In between turns, Rob put the controller down and looked over at Hayden.

“I’m sorry.” He blurted. She raised her eyebrow.

“For what?” She questioned. Rob shrugged.

“For not telling you about Josh. I know it’s bugging you. I know you want to ask about it.” He sighed.

“You weren’t ready. I get it.” She tried to summarize. Rob nodded slowly.

“I wasn’t ready. But, I should have told you when you told me about Samantha. It would have been the right thing to do. And I wanted to, but,” Rob paused. Hayden motioned for him to continue.

“I wanted to make sure he was okay with it first.” He finished. Hayden nodded.

“And he was?” She asked. Rob nodded again.

“I told him you needed to know because,” He trailed off again. Hayden put her hand on his leg. He put his hand over top of hers and wrapped his fingers around her.

“I want to be with you.” He spoke softly. Hayden felt her heart skip a beat. She didn’t really know what to say, so she didn’t bother saying anything. She leaned forward and kissed him. She meant it to be a soft and quick kiss. But his lips were too inviting. She couldn’t pull herself away. He tasted like wine and something that was uniquely him. She couldn’t get enough. She felt like she could get drunk on him. She let her hands roam his chest as she shifted positions. Rob must have read her mind because one of his hands moved between her legs. He started rubbing her over her shorts. She moaned into his lips. She jerked slightly as he pushed the fabric to the side. The feeling of his fingers against her bare skin made her whole body shiver. He pushed further and her hips bucked. With his other hand, he pulled her tank top down, exposing her chest. He kissed all over her chest as she rocked back and fourth in his hand. He pulled his lips away slowly.

“Lay down.” He instructed. Hayden dropped backwards. Rob adjusted, dropping down between her legs. He used only his mouth at first. Then, he started to use his fingers. She had never felt such an intense sensation. Her whole body convulsed in his hand. He smiled as he hovered over top of her. She pulled his lips to her and kissed him passionately.

“Can I kiss you?” She asked softly. He raised his eyebrow. She brushed her hand against the bulge in his pants. Rob swallowed hard, but nodded slowly. Hayden softly pulled him down, then flipped him onto his back. She fixed her shorts as she straddled him. She started undoing his pants.

“Maybe you shouldn’t.” He warned. Hayden looked up at him.

“I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel.” She plead.

“Okay.” Rob dropped his head back.

“Has anyone ever,” She paused, licking her lips. Rob shook his head.

“No.” He muttered. Hayden pulled his boxers down with his pants. She couldn’t help but stare. Even his manhood was attractive in her eyes. She adored him so much.

“Are you okay with this?” She asked softly. Rob looked down at her and nodded. She wrapped her lips around him and he let out a gasp. He put one of his hands on her head, weaving his fingers through her hair. She watched him for his reaction. His eyes were closed tightly. His breathing was erratic. There was a look of concentration on his face. Hayden pulled back and he groaned.

“Don’t stop.” He begged. Hayden smiled and took all of him into her mouth. He moaned loudly, thrusting up into her. She sped up her pace until he went over the edge. She swallowed hard, slowly sitting up. Rob’s eyes were still closed tightly.

“Rob?” Hayden spoke softly. He nodded, but covered his face with his arm. Hayden wiped her mouth off on the back of her hand. Rob slowly let his arm drop off the couch.

“That was,” He stopped, shaking his head. Hayden sighed.

“Bad?” She asked under her breath. Rob shot up. He put his hand on the back of her head and pulled her into a forceful kiss. When he moved back, he had a huge smile on his face.

“Everything you do is amazing.”