Chapter 6

Hayden went straight home after school. Rob had told her to come around 5. She wanted to have a quick snack, as she was likely going to miss dinner. She was just going to tell her parents she was eating at Rob’s. She often did. There was nothing unusual about going to Rob’s. Somehow, she felt like she was doing something wrong. Like she was lying about where she was going, even though she wasn’t. Maybe her intentions weren’t entirely pure, but she wasn’t letting those thoughts settle in her mind. She kept reminding herself that this was completely platonic. She had no reason to be nervous. She was just going to talk to her best friend. Her best friend who kissed her in a drunken stupor. A friend she kissed because… Why did she kiss him? She didn’t have an answer for him, but she should have an answer for herself. She grabbed a snack and headed down to her bedroom. She pulled out her journal to panic scribble while she ate. She turned on the small black and white TV and let basic cable play in the background of her thoughts. She wrote the sentence on the paper over and over until the page was filled with the same words: Why did I kiss him? She thought about the minutes leading up to that kiss. She thought about what happened with Wayne. She could feel the adrenaline pumping through her veins. Her internal struggles. When Rob came into the room, she could have kissed him right there. If it were a thank you, she would have. But it wasn’t her way of thanking him. It was something else. Something deeper. Something she wasn’t quite ready to confront yet.

5 pm rolled around in the blink of an eye. Hayden was on her way out the door when her mother called her for dinner. She had to go into the kitchen and explain why she wasn’t sticking around. She also had to explain why she didn’t just go over after school. She didn’t really have an answer. She lied and said she had an important assignment due. She was a responsible student, after all.

The walk down to Rob’s felt like the longest walk of Hayden’s life. A trek she had made so many times before felt like an exhausting quest. The sidewalk stretched for miles beyond its’ capabilities. Hayden kept dragging her feet. She wasn’t in a rush. Rob never rushed. When she got to his front door, she tried to knock. Her hand hovered over the door, refusing to make contact. Hayden let her hand drop back to her side. Her head slumped down in defeat. She tried to raise her hand again, but the door flung open before she could attempt to knock. She looked up, startled.

“Where have you been?” He hurried her into the house. She looked around, then at him.

“What’s going on?” She cut to the chase. He pulled out one of the dining room chairs and sat down. He motioned for her to sit across from him, so she did.

“I love you.” He boldly stated. She nodded.

“We’ve established this.” She mused. Rob shook his head.

“No, Hayden, I’m in love with you.” He corrected, sounding slightly frustrated. Hayden looked down at the table, embarrassed and confused.

“Why?” Was the only thing she could utter. Rob laughed.

“Because you’re awesome?” He answered, seeming confused. She shook her head.

“Why are you telling me?” She rephrased. He shrugged.

“I guess when I saw you with Wayne it became apparent you would be swept up by someone else. I had been in denial, but it was hard to ignore the truth when it was right in front of my eyes.” He reasoned.

“Is that why you were drunk?” She asked softly. Rob nodded.

“Why did you come back?” She followed up. Rob took a deep breath.

“I saw Wayne going upstairs. I followed him. I should have barged in, but I was trying to convince myself I was making up situations in my head. The more I thought about him touching you, the angrier I was. Even if you wanted to be with him. I couldn’t let it happen. So I was going to tell you. Right there in Jessica’s bedroom. I didn’t care. I wanted you to know that I was jealous.” He explained. Hayden’s eyes went wide.

“Jealous?” She squeaked. Rob nodded slowly.

“I want to be the first person to have you that way.” He declared. She was quiet.

“Okay.” She answered flatly. He raised his eyebrow and looked around.

“I don’t think I’m ready.” He stuttered. Hayden laughed and shook her head.

“I didn’t mean right here and now, dork. We could plan it.” She mumbled.

“Really? You would?” He let out a deep breath. She nodded.

“You’re my best friend. I trust you more than anyone else.” She assured. Rob nodded.

“Wow.” He mumbled.

“Did you think I would say no?” Hayden raised her eyebrow. He shrugged.

“Kinda. You said no when I asked you to be my girlfriend.” He muttered. She shook her head.

“I didn’t know you were serious!” She insisted. Rob shrugged.

“Then what would you say now?” He propositioned. Hayden went to answer, but no reply came out.

“Okay.” She finally managed to say. Rob’s eyes lit up.

“Yeah?” He asked excitedly. Hayden was quiet again, then nodded.

“I love you too.”

The following day was awkward. They wanted to keep the relationship quiet until enough time had passed. At the same time, they couldn’t stop looking at each other and smiling. It would only take one observant teenager to figure out something more was going on. It was likely going to be Elizabeth. She was the first to notice when there was a change in the atmosphere. Luckily, she didn’t go to the same school. She had to go to an all girls school. It had something to do with the religion her family was a part of. Hayden’s family believed in a God, but with no real conviction to church or anything. When she was younger, she used to love participating in church groups. As she got older, the bible seemed to have too many holes in it and she started questioning the religion she was raised with. She considered herself to have no religious affiliation. The same could not be said about Rob. He was a devout Christian. He never took his gold cross pendant off. His brother had one too. They never left the boys. They prayed before meals. They went to church regularly. Hayden admired the commitment, she just didn’t feel it herself. She knew what the bible had to say about premarital sex. Aside from what Amy had told her, all Hayden knew about sex was it shouldn’t be talked about. She had mixed feelings, because she was told it was wrong to have sex. She also knew it felt good. She had learned that when she was experimenting. She had never touched a boy though. The thought was terrifying and exciting at the same time. Hayden wondered if it would be awkward because it was Rob or more comfortable. Because he knew about her past, she was confident that he would be patient. The more she thought about taking that step with him, the less patient she was.

At lunch, they sat across from each other, like they usually would. Jessica wouldn’t be joining them anymore. It would naturally only be the two of them. Then Wayne joined the table. He sat down beside Hayden and put his hand on her lower back. She looked over at him and raised her eyebrow.

“What are you doing?” She asked softly. Wayne seemed confused.

“I thought I was sitting with my girlfriend.” He stumbled out. Hayden’s jaw dropped.

“I was never your girlfriend! After what happened, do you think I’d even want to speak to you?” She squeaked. She was trying to control her voice, but it was cracking as she spoke. Wayne shook his head.

“Oh come on, you wanted it.” He insisted. Hayden shook her head.

“Go ahead and tell yourself that if it helps you sleep at night, rapist.” Rob commented, coughing out of sync with his words. Wayne looked over at him. He went to argue, but he stopped himself. He realized that Rob was the one who had been there. He couldn’t lie his way out of it. He couldn’t afford to cause a scene. He was a big deal on a sport’s team and if he wanted his scholarship, he would have to behave. Rob had nothing to lose. Wayne just got up from the table and walked away. Hayden was quiet.

“I’m glad I have a boyfriend. I’m never going on another date.” She attempted to joke. Rob smiled.

“What if your boyfriend wanted to take you out?” He asked. Hayden playfully bit her lip.

“I might be willing to consider it.” She answered. Rob chuckled.

“Did you take Jessica on a lot of dates?” Hayden asked. She wasn’t sure why. Rob shrugged.

“I tried. She didn’t really want to do the same things as me. She always turned down action movies. She doesn’t eat red meat because of some crazy diet. Oh, and she doesn’t even like going to the beach because she prefers her fake tanning bed.” He complained. Hayden laughed.

“You dated her for 6 months.” She reminded him.

“She was a distraction.” He dismissed. Hayden nodded slowly.

“She’s high maintenance. Everyone says so.” She agreed shortly after. Rob nodded.

“She’s immature for her age.” He mused. Hayden nodded again.

“Should we be talking about her like this?” She asked quietly. Rob shook his head.

“No. I’ll stop. I don’t need to keep bringing up the past.” He agreed. She laughed.

“It happened yesterday.” She corrected. Rob shrugged.

“Yesterday feels like a million years ago. I want to spend the next million with you.” He rephrased. Hayden looked away bashfully. Hayden noticed she had Sandra’s attention.

“Save it for after school.” She spoke in a hushed tone. Rob nodded.

“Right.” He agreed. Unfortunately, Brent, Danny and Chris joined the table and all of the conversation turned towards the upcoming practice. It was going to be open, anyone could go and watch. She could tell by the look on his face that Rob was being forced to go by his parents.

“Are you coming?” Brent asked Hayden. It was the first time Hayden even thought about watching Brent play. Since Rob didn’t play, Hayden never went to practices or games. She had no reason to.

“Sure?” Hayden agreed, mostly confused. Brent hardly spoke to her directly. He would relay his messages through Rob most of the time. Hayden didn’t mind because she didn’t really care for Brent. She didn’t know how him and Rob were identical twins. Their personalities were completely opposing. Hayden caught Rob’s eye and he offered her a reassuring smile. She had no idea what she was in for.

That whole week, it was all she could think about. She thought about him when she was awake. She thought about him in her dreams. It was Rob on her mind 24/7. Saturday was the practice Brent had invited her to. Their mother, Anne, said she was fine driving Hayden along with the boys. Of course Hayden would have to squish in with the equipment or one of the boys. She opted for the equipment so it wouldn’t raise any suspicion. The bags had a funky smell. Hayden immediately regret her decision. She felt like Brent should have sat with his own smell. She didn’t raise a fuss though. It wasn’t a long drive to the arena they practiced in. Brent pulled the bags out so Hayden could exit the minivan. It was an off-white color with plastic wood edges on the steps into the backseat. It was tacky. It was also old and barely holding together. Anne said it was only a matter of time before it finally gave out. She just hoped it wasn’t while it was in use on the side of the road. The arena was a bit more chilly than Hayden had expected. She wasn’t wearing enough layers. Rob noticed that she was shivering and took his blazer off. He draped it over her shoulders and they sat in the stands. His parents sat in the front row, while Hayden and Rob sat a few rows back. After they sat down, Rob reached over and grabbed Hayden’s hand. She looked over at him and smiled. How was it that Hayden could only see him now? What had changed? When had it changed? Was it because he saved her from an uncomfortable situation or were the feelings always buried?