ODAAT: Volume 1, Chapter 11

 

Chapter 11

Hard Luck Story

Crystal has this issue with sleeping alone. Of course, there's only one bed in this small apartment, so we'd be sharing anyway. But even in the biggest house, she'd find herself draped over whoever was available and willing. It used to bother me whenever I saw the two of them in bed together. I'd feel a hint of jealousy, like she was overstepping her boundaries. The more I got to know her, the more I just felt sorry for her. I only met her a few weeks ago, when she was attached to his hip. I didn't know her very well, but my initial opinion wasn't flattering. I thought she was overbearing and using her looks to win him over. I had no idea how wrong I would turn out to be. She doesn't have a malicious bone in her body. She has pure intentions and she wears her heart on her sleeve too. She is as sweet as she is beautiful and I know she'd never do anything to hurt this relationship. Or any other relationship, for that matter. Although she has her own idea of physical boundaries, she understands emotional ones. After getting to know her, the jealous feeling faded. Now, I don't mind watching them lay together in bed. I don't even mind how she digs her baby blue nails into his chest. Or the crescent moons she leaves behind. Whenever I leave imprints in his skin, on his back or chest, I'm claiming him. I'm proving that he chose me and everyone better respect that choice. When she does, she's just leaving a trail of where she's been, in case she might forget for herself. She never realizes she's doing it either. It's an absentminded action. She never knew I was jealous of her, and I never told her such either. I realized that my jealousy issues were my own. I was projecting them on him because I was too used to . He could never sleep in a bed with another woman innocently. His aura is too sexual for that.

Crystal isn't exactly a saint herself. She's a sexually assertive person too. But there's something different about the way she uses sex as a weapon. When she's laying in bed with someone, there's nothing sexual about it. She's unwinding. Relaxing. Letting go. She only does that with the few people she trusts. From what I've learned about her, she doesn't trust easily. She's only doing this right now because she doesn't have a love interest of her own. She's still coming to terms with the end of her recent relationship, which didn't end smoothly. When she finds a new love interest or moves on, she will let go of her need for affection and approval. It won't be hard. She's a gorgeous woman. She's got this thin hair that goes past her waist. It's always changing colors, but generally a bleached blonde. She's slim figured, but curved in all the ways someone might picture running their hands over. She's got bright blue eyes that can put the stars to shame. She's got fragile features, like a porcelain doll. She's baby-faced, but has a few scattered piercings to try and look her own age. She's got a warming smile that just lights up the room, which demands all the attention away from anything else. Her lips are thin, often painted in a gloss too dark for her complexion. She tries not to wear too much make up, because she says it's bad for your skin. But when she does make herself up, she goes all out. From what I've seen, she's got two distinctive sides. She's a simple girl, who wears jeans and a t-shirt around the house with no make up and her hair pulled into a bun on the side of her head. Or she's dressed like a rock star or a barbie doll and she's exaggerated enough that you could see her outfit from space. Usually, the second option combines an assortment of colors that don't go together, but somehow she manages to make it look good. She could make anything look good, that's just a gift of hers. One of many, so I've learned. Though, her greatest gift is the way she can see the world. She told me that she doesn't see people at all. She sees auras. She can tell if a person is good or bad. She knows if they are confused and hurt, or misguided in some way. She bases her attraction to other people on those auras, avoiding physical appearances altogether. She says she's dated men and women, because she only cares about what is at the core. She says no matter what we look like, or what parts we have, our hearts beat the same.

I'm not shocked that he found himself drawn to her. He has similar views. I'm not shocked she was drawn to him, he's fucking perfection. He's conventionally gorgeous. He really is. Those perfect plump lips and sparkling brown eyes. His soft, tanned skin. His muscular shape and the definition in his body. He's beautiful, and pairs it with an equally beautiful soul. Everyone can see that he puts his best foot forward. He does everything he can to help other people. He speaks out for those who can't speak for themselves. He fights for those who can't fight at all. He puts himself last, no matter what. Everyone is drawn to him, the same way they are drawn to her. They are both positively energetic and it's a breath of fresh air from the bullshit that surrounds this world. People like that need to stick together. When they're together, they create a ball of purity that even the most corrupt soul couldn't break. I envy that, because I've never been that way. I've been through too much pain to see the brightness in their world.

Crystal wasn't always like this. On one of the nights we spent together last week, she went into details about her childhood. She was a little intoxicated, but I think she was trying to come to some common ground with me. She was trying to make a point that you aren't born seeing the world in such a light. You have to choose that. She told me that she ran away from home when she was 15. She had a decent family upbringing, but felt like she was missing something in her life. She felt hollow. So, she hitchhiked from a small town in Utah and headed out East to New York. When she got there, she got a cruel awakening to the real world. She told me she had to do many things she wasn't proud of, just to survive. But, she wouldn't take it back. She said the pain prepares us for the future and those who don't feel pain never learn to feel joy. She says that you can't let yourself be a victim of circumstance, chosen or otherwise. She carries herself like a survivor, too. She's victorious over her past. She's risen above it. But still, there's a pain in her eyes. A pain you can't run away from. She's afraid of letting people get too close, because she's afraid they will see right through her smiles and her laughter. They won't. That smile is so distracting. I've seen people at parties hang on to every word she says. They stare at her like she's a goddess. I don't think they're wrong. She hasn't realized her powers yet.

Of course, no one knows about her past. After a few too many drinks, as she's falling asleep against me or him, she'll share herself. Those things she does her best to keep inside. I never bring it up otherwise. But it was nice to hear some of her pain. It made me see her in a different light. I thought she was too perfect to be real. Beautiful and thoughtful. Nonjudgmental. Accepting. Who wouldn't be afraid of losing something to her? She was everything I wasn't. Everything someone could want. She was together, ready to take on the world. I was a basket case, torn up about the affair I was pretending wasn't happening and turning to the last person anyone would expect me to. But that night... Everything changed. She became human in my eyes. A great human, but a human none the less. She made me realize that everyone has baggage. We all have a hard luck story. It's not what we've lived through that defines us as people. It's how we handle those things. Of course, the first time she chose me as her night companion over him, I knew that she was just looking for connections. I think that was when my jealousy melted away. She never talks about her “negative” feelings. She told me that the world doesn't need “anymore of that nonsense”. She worded it much more eloquently than I could myself. Still, I agree. The world needs more of whatever she's putting into it. Everything feels lighter, more calming, when she's around.

I'm leaning against the wall between the bathroom and the living room. His eyes flutter open and he starts looking around the room. I know that he's looking for me. He's half asleep in frog pajamas and I'm the first thought in his head. His eyes land on me, holding a glass of water in my hands. He expression settles from its previous state of worry. He offers me a smile and I send one back in return to let him know I'm here.

I'm here baby. I'm here.