ODAAT: Volume 1, Chapter 18

 

Chapter 18

Somebody New

Crystal has a bigger wig collection than anyone else, I think. She may even put the famous drag queens of the 80's to shame. She says sometimes you need to be someone different for a little while. It's practically her life motto. She isn't like me. She is attached to her friends and her city. She likes her home and her possessions. She isn't ready to run at the drop of a pin, like I am. She is physically settled down. But, emotionally, she experiences the same wanderlust. So, sometimes, she wants to be someone else. But only for a little while, and only temporary changes. She'll cover up her tattoos with make up, throw on a wig and reinvent herself. She'll give herself a whole new name and even create a new background story. Then she'll parade around for a little while under this disguise. She has done this every Saturday since David left. Last weekend, I went to the bar with “Paige”. That was the name she chose for that particular evening. She ignored everyone who called her by Crystal, even if they were her best friends. She played it off and eventually, the people she knew caught on. They corrected themselves for mistaking her for someone else and left her. Everyone crowded her and started asking her questions. She rattled off made-up stories that made her sound more interesting than she actually was. I never say anything. I nod and smile and vaguely answer any questions that I'm asked because I'm in the cross fire. Some of the people who crowded us seemed to just want to be around her. Some of them seemed to want to touch her, feel her holy powers radiate through them. Wherever she goes, people crowd around her to kiss the ground her feet are standing on. Some of these people believed she was an actress, asking if she had played in such-and-such. Some of them believed she was a musician who sang “that one song that plays on the radio”. She's a celebrity in her own right, but with no real claim to fame. But when she's dressed up, she takes every claim she's offered. She agrees with anything anyone says, creating a buzz of mystery wherever she goes.

It's easy to confuse stupid people who are holding onto this world of rock stars. They aren't all they are cracked up to be, trust me.

This is what touring with her is going to be like. She tells me that she plans to take her life philosophy on the road with her. She'll be Samantha tomorrow night. Amy the next night wherever we are. She can recycle as many personalities as she can create, because we'll be traveling forward. She says it's the perfect time to leave her old self behind. Then she passes the joint she's been hogging in my direction. The show is nearing the end, but we couldn't wait any longer. Or, I couldn't wait any longer. My nerves were getting so bad that I was visibly shaking. She suggested a trip to the bathroom, even though she had been saving this particular joint until after the show. I assure her that the after-party is bound to have something to smoke. She agreed and proceeded to ramble on about her tour plans. She pauses, then says she wants to be herself in New York.

“Why?” I ask, handing the joint back to her. She shrugs, absentmindedly.

“I have friends there.” She answers loosely. I nod.

“You have friends everywhere.” I correct her, motioning my hands around the air. She nods too.

“I do. But in New York, I have a cult following. I'm too well-known to try and be someone else. Besides, I like it there. I want to be me.” She concludes. I just shrug. In New York, I want to be someone else. I'll borrow one of Crystal's wigs and pretend to be Paige's little sister or something. It's just been too long since I've been home and too many people were disappointed when I left. I haven't been back since Hunter moved us there. We were supposed to be starting over after his heart was broken. But he immediately started dating this girl behind my back. I left him behind and moved back to Illinois. I told the friends I had in New York that I would get in touch when I got back on my own feet. I never got in touch, because my feet never landed on the ground. I ended up back with Luke, then moved to California and ended up back with Hunter. I don't want to go home. I don't want to look at the place I lived and think about all the miles between then and now. I hate thinking about the miles. I don't want to think about the changes I made to get a new start and how I only ended up going backwards. I don't want to think about how it was all for nothing.

I'm not even surprised that Hunter didn't show up tonight. I didn't really expect that he would, given that I was too cryptic about the way I gave him the ticket. I thought it would add the right touch of mystery, maybe intriguing him into making an appearance. I should have known better. Hunter never liked the way I was cryptic about everything. He always told me I should say what I mean, instead of leaving it up for interpretation. But I've always left everything behind. It's what I do.

Crystal is stalling as I try to make my way out of the bathroom. She's grabbing my arm and pulling me back in with a concerned look on her face. I raise my eyebrow.

“What are you doing?” I ask, turning to face her. She lets out a deep sigh. She looks like she's trying to find the words she wants to say.

“I have a confession.” She begins. Her tone is as calm as the ocean. As light as the raindrops hitting a window pane. I don't say anything, motioning for her to continue.

“I saw Hunter.” She blurts out. I look forward in her direction, making eye contact. Her eyes drop to the floor, like she didn't want to be the one who told me. But, she did tell me.

“Okay?” I question, looking around the bathroom. The white and black checkered tiles are beginning to make me feel dizzy. I feel like the faded pink stalls are beginning to grow and the whole room is getting smaller. It's like she can read my mind when she reaches out and puts her hands on my shoulders. I feel more balanced and I try and focus on the way her concern grows.

“I just, I don't want you to be shocked when you see them out there.” She finishes, tilting her head up and re-establishing eye contact. She's got her head tilted in the same way a dog tilts its' head after bringing you the ball. She wants to be told she did a good job. Good girl, here's a treat. I know what she means when she says them. She isn't referring to the man who is still entertaining a crowd on stage. She's referring to the date that Hunter has brought to the show tonight. I sigh. Good for him, I guess. It's really classy to bring one of your girlfriends to a show that your other girlfriend invited you to, because your ex-boyfriend wanted to see you. He redefines the word. I laugh.

“I don't follow what's funny.” Crystal announces, sounding confused. I continue shaking my head.

“That's fine. Thanks for telling me.” I offer, opening the door to the bathroom and walking out. She follows me, quickly falling into step. We're not far from the stage, but there's a commotion as we approach it. I can only pick out one of the voices, which is Hunter. But he's not arguing with another man. That man is still on stage, finishing an encore that his fans are demanding of him. Hunter is arguing with a woman. I overhear him say he wants to leave, that there's no point in waiting around. As we get closer, two of the stage hands stand in front of us. They create a wall, separating us from them. I look between the two of them to see who Hunter is with. I recognize the blonde locks falling over her shoulders. She's wearing her long hair in a loose ponytail, but it's worn over her shoulder. I can see the lavender headband peaking out from underneath the knotted locks. She looks tired and worn out, which means she likely came from a performance of her own. She's still wearing the legwarmers that match her headband too. Under them, I can see black tights that look too thin for the weather outside. She's got on a short fur coat that is also black, over top of a skin-tight t-shirt that is white. She's also wearing lavender monster boots that are fighting for attention with the legwarmers. If she didn't just get off work, she was heading to work after the show.

“What's going on?” Crystal asks, directly talking to the stage hand on the right. His name is Samuel. I remember that he introduced himself to us earlier. He crosses his arms, looking over his shoulder.

“Oh, just some guy fighting with his girl. Wouldn't want to see you beautiful angels caught in the crossfire.” He assures. His tone is just a little too flirtatious and his eyes are glued to Crystal. She lightly puts one of her hands on his chest. She looks up at him with her bright eyes, smiling widely.

“That's sweet.” She thanks, leaning up and pecking him on the cheek. I cough from beside her, drawing the attention to myself.

“What are they fighting about?” I ask, looking between the two stage hands. Samuel looks over his shoulder, shaking his head.

“Girl wants to meet the singer. Boyfriend wants to leave. See it all the time. Dude doesn't want to watch his girl getting gaga over the band.” He explains loosely. I suppress a laugh that I know is brewing internally. I'm supposed to be that girl. But I guess we both knew it was over. She was always happy to fill my shoes whenever I left them behind. I can't judge her because she's in love. I can't judge him because technically, I'm here with someone else too. In fact, I'm here with two other people. So I think I win this break up.

“Who would?” The second stage hand comments, looking towards the stage. I follow his view, watching the exhibition taking place. He's climbing up on top of one of the amps and the crowd is cheering loudly. Then, he's on his feet, facing them. He's doing back flips off the stage equipment.

“I hate when he does this.” Samuel mumbles, shaking his head. Crystal laughs running her hand up his arm. His attention immediately shoots back to her, smiling brightly.

“I think it's talented.” She offers. Samuel shrugs.

“Back in the day, I could have done a dozen of these. Never losing wind.” He boasts. Crystal smiles, like she'd be more impressed if he could. She seems to be captivated by him, but I know she's just leading him on. It's not that she intends to mislead everyone, but she knows the value of entertaining people. It's a valuable skill to have. I step to the side, moving around the second stage hand. He never introduced himself, so calling him by name would be impossible. I could guess his name. I could call him Joshua or Steven. Maybe he would correct me, maybe he wouldn't. He might let me call him Betty if it meant I was leaving. He's not amused by Crystal's playful flirting or the couple on the other side arguing. Crystal follows my lead as I pass the wall of muscle. She keeps her hand on Samuel's arm, so he turns to face the arguing lovers. She wants to see the confrontation, but she doesn't want to get close enough to be involved. She stays back as I keep walking towards Hunter. His back is turned to me, so he doesn't know I'm approaching. Kathleen looks over her shoulder at me and nods, stepping backwards. She knows who I am from the many times we've met over the years. It's unfortunate that it always seems to be under the same circumstances. At least she knows what is going on whenever she sees me. She's blonde, but she's not stupid. The only thing stupid about her is that she keeps giving Hunter the chance to let her down. I guess we have a lot more in common than I'd like to admit.

“Your girlfriend wants to talk to you.” Kathleen announces, looking directly at Hunter. He doesn't turn around. He doesn't realize I'm standing here. Instead, I watch his shoulders tighten.

“What does that mean?” He barks. Kathleen taps her foot on the concrete, motioning towards me.

“She's standing behind you, asshole.” She finishes, turning her back to me. I watch her storm off towards the stage. Hunter doesn't move. He's frozen right where he is. I'm not sure if he's trying to process what lie he can tell me. At this point, he should know we're past that point. But, I find myself not caring to face him. I turn around before he does and start back towards Crystal.

“This is stupid.” I mumble to myself, mostly under my breath. I just need to hear the words out loud. I can now hear Crystal telling Samuel and Betty all about Hunter. Samuel looks directly at me with a look of sympathy and I'm almost embarrassed for myself.

“I can throw him out.” Samuel offers, motioning towards Hunter. I shake my head, walking past them.

“Don't waste your time. The trash can take itself out.” I bite. In the background, I can hear Hunter calling my name. But his voice fades out quickly. If I had been paying attention to the show, I would have known it was over. I would have heard the cheers. I would have been prepared. But I was too lost in my own world to realize he was walking off stage towards me.