ODAAT: Volume 1, Chapter 19

 

Chapter 19

Unfinished Business

I pause outside of the front door, looking around the yard. Hunter is gone to work, so Kathleen said it would be alright if I came to pick up my stuff. I didn't speak to her, but Crystal did. After the show, the two of them went out to the after-party together. Crystal called me, invited me to come back. I just wasn't feeling particularly celebratory. He chose to fly from the concert last night straight to the second show. He wanted to ensure the travel arrangements were going to be ready when Crystal and I flew out later this afternoon. I turn the handle of the front door slowly, in case it's locked. But of course, it's wide open and the door inches forward. I take a deep breath, pushing it open all the way and stepping into the entrance. I look around, mostly to see if my stuff is already waiting at the front door. There's nothing in the entrance except a pair of shoes that don't belong to Hunter. I nod to myself and quietly close the door. I head towards the staircase when I notice her blonde locks draped over the edge of the couch. My foot comes down from the first step and I head towards the living room. She's reading Invisible Monsters, picking up where I had left the bookmark only days before. I should be flattered she's so much like me. At least it means Hunter has been thinking of me. Or, some twisted version of me at least.

“Hello.” I greet, trying not to startle her. It doesn't work and she jumps up to her feet. She puts one of her hands on her chest, closing the book in her other hand. She drops it on the table and fakes a smile in my direction. I return the greeting, motioning upstairs.

“Is Hunter home?” I ask, even though I know the answer. She shakes her head, opening her hand and waving it around.

“No. He's gone to work.” She assures, making eye contact with the floor. I let my eyes scan the living room and notice the subtle changes. The pictures that were hanging on the walls of the living room are all laying in a pile on the floor. Her purse is sitting beside the coffee table, but her slippers are sitting underneath it. I notice that her dance schedule is laying on the table beside where she's placed the book. There are throw pillows all over the couch in bright colors. We never had throw pillows before. She looks like she's been making herself at home. I'm glad, because it's her home now. Just like it was back in New York.

“I just came to grab my stuff. Well, whatever I can.” I announce, though I'm sure Crystal told her the reason I was coming over. It's not like I have any other reason to be here now. She nods and I turn around, heading towards the staircase. I start up them, noticing out of the corner of my eye that she's following me. I can't say I mind. I feel much less intrusive when the new girlfriend escorts me around what was supposed to be my house.

“What happened to you last night?” She asks me softly as we get to the top of the stairs. I stop walking and motion her into the bedroom. I don't really want to touch anything. She sighs, lightly shaking her head. But, she opens the bedroom door, walks in first and looks around. When she turns to face me, she's motioning me inside. I head past her now, straight towards the closet where I kept my suitcase. When I get to the closet, I realize my suitcase is already laying in Crystal's apartment. I would have grabbed it, but it's packed for the impending tour. I didn't think I'd have time to finish today.

“You left right after the show. Everyone was so confused.” She adds. I nod, looking around the room. The curtains that were around the bed for my comfort are all down. He knew I wasn't coming back and he's already started to remove me from his life. The bedside table that used to be mine is empty. The place I kept my journal is now vacant. Everything is in a box sitting on the dresser with a sticky note that says my name. It's in the writing Hunter uses when he's rushed.

“I didn't know what to expect.” I answer, trying to be as vague as possible. I didn't wait for Crystal to wake up this morning. She came home last night, intoxicated and loud. She told me that she spent time with Kathleen and that I could pick my stuff up today. Then she passed out, draping herself over the entire bed. I didn't sleep. So when the sun came up, I took a taxi here.

“Crystal said you weren't feeling well, so you wanted to lay down.” She mumbles, leaning against the door frame. I nod.

“That's not far from the truth.” I admit, slightly laughing. I take the box and put it on the bed. I know there are a few things laying around that are mine. I start grabbing things and throwing them in the box.

“Are you and Frankie, like, together?” She asks, looking down at the floor. I pause, looking over at her.

“I don't know. We haven't really talked about it.” I answer honestly. We haven't talked about the future at all, actually. She nods slowly.

“I didn't know.” She confesses softly. I laugh.

“I still don't.” I admit, taking the note out of the box.

“I meant, about you and Hunter.” She corrects, her voice heavy with guilt. Ah. She's not trying to make small talk at all. She's not escorting me because she wants to. She's just looking for redemption. I stop packing and turn to face her. I can tell that her eyes are glossing over and she's on the verge of tears. Her hazel eyes are big and sad and when the faucet turns on, it's hard to turn back off.

“He told me that you were out of the picture. I believed him, of course. Until I saw you and Crystal at the show last night.” She rambles, trying to hold back the waterworks. I nod. I don't know what to say to her or about the situation. I hardly know what to say these days about anything. I feel speechless all the time, like I shouldn't even have a tongue because it's not like I ever use it anymore. It seems that only my brain works, and hardly. It races too fast for me to keep up with, even when I'm trying.

“I would never do that to you.” She finishes, her voice trailing off. I look over at her and she's looking up just as a I do. I make eye contact and I see the faucet turning on. I step forward and open my arms, pulling her into my chest. I gently run my hand over those blonde locks, trying to be soothing.

“I know.” I assure her, more to try and stop the flow of tears. I know she would never intentionally hurt anyone. She's too sweet to be that kind of person. She's a hopeless romantic and when she falls in love, she falls hard and deep. Her problem is just that she's too trusting. When she met Hunter, she thought he was going to be the one. She found out about me, but I had already left him. So, he did his best to sweet talk her into staying, which she did. Then, she found out he was unfaithful to her and she left him behind. She isn't a doormat. But, a year or so down the line, he said he changed and was ready to try again. She believed him and gave him a second chance to let her down. It seems like she's lining up to do it all over again.

“I can't believe Hunter would do this.” She mutters into the t-shirt I'm wearing, now wet from her tears.

“He's hurt. He's not malicious.” I offer, still defending him. I know that he's not a malicious person. He would never set out to hurt someone. But, when he feels slighted, he's not himself anymore. He gets defensive and acts on impulse. He makes questionable decisions that often hurt a lot of people. I realize, standing here with his doe-eyed mistress that we never had a chance. One too many mistakes, a willingness for denial and everything spiraled out of control. He was right. I would have waited forever only to see the truth that Hunter was never going to change. Human beings are so blind, especially when it comes to love. We convince ourselves to see what we want, instead of what is right in front of us. But standing here with her, the curtains have finally been drawn and I can see everything for what it is.

“How could he do this?” She asks, finally stepping back. She's wiping her cheeks off with the backs of her hands. She looks dramatic and small, like a child throwing a tantrum. She doesn't normally cry, but when she does, she lets everything out. I don't really know what to say to her. He could have told her the truth, that we were just falling apart. That we shared a bed, but there was nothing left between us. Of course, that would have meant facing reality. Instead, it was easier to pretend that I wasn't around at all, instead of being out of reach. If he had opened his eyes, he would have realized I was right here.

“This was a long time coming.” I offer, mostly to myself. Though, I can hope that she'll stop crying too.

“I don't understand. Why didn't he just, tell me?” She cries out. I shake my head, lifting my hands up. Her mascara is now leaking down her cheeks, creating lines that turn her into an abstract painting.

“You know Hunter. He doesn't know how to deal with his emotions.” I remind her. She shakes her head and I can see that she's now trembling all over. I don't know if it's sorrow or anger.

“That doesn't make it acceptable.” She argues, slightly raising her voice. I guess it's anger she's feeling. I shake my head.

“No, it doesn't. But, he went to you because he trusts you. You're one of the only people who has ever understood him. I think that says something.” I offer. I'm not sure if that's the truth. If he turns to her because they get each other, or if he's a creature of habit. Either way, I can see a smile now forming in the corner of her mouth. I'm happy that the tears have stopped flowing.

“Yeah?” She looks bashful as her eyes find the floor again. I nod.

“You'll bring the rest of my stuff to Crystal's, right?” I ask, picking up the box. She nods, stepping out of the door frame. I continue towards the staircase, quickly making my way down.

“Call me when you're back.” She calls, following me to the stair case.

“I will.” I nod, and she waves goodbye. I open the front door and head out to the taxi waiting for me.