ODAAT: Volume 1, Chapter 24

 

Chapter 24

Seashell Collection

There's a cramping in the back of my leg. I think I forgot what it was like to sleep on a tour bus. Crystal was right that the mattresses were uncomfortable. She said the memory foam helped, but I was too stubborn at first. By the time we reached Florida, I caved and added the foam to my bed too. It's funny, I remembered touring with such a fondness. I think it was about making memories, more than actually traveling. This time, it's lacked the luster it had every other time. Or maybe my mind is just lost. There are reminders everywhere, from the road signs to the hotels. Crystal and I bought a work-out video yesterday. It's not that we need to feel fit or even because we're bored. The video is designed to help work-out leg muscles, which are the ones cramping. She wants to stretch her muscles, I don't want to feel so stiff every morning. I might be less stiff if it weren't for the Koala that finds his way into my bunk. I tried to tell him there wasn't enough room for both of us, but he didn't seem to care. He seems afraid that if he's not clinging to me, I'll bolt for the door. That's an illogical fear, since the door is moving. I'm not going to tuck and roll with my stuff in the middle of the night. He's got me thinking in terms of being ridiculous now, mostly because he is ridiculous. He suggested we could find a massage parlor every couple of days, to help ease the pain. But I hardly trust the local massage parlors, let alone ones in cities I haven't been to in years. So, Crystal suggested the video. We bought a small, battery-powered television for the bus and a generator for the DVD player.

Kathleen is the aerobics instructor in the video. When Crystal clicked the television on yesterday, she turned it off again immediately. I hadn't seen her yet, so I didn't understand. I turned the television back on and I had to face the reality. Crystal offered to throw it out the window when we hit the road again. I told her I was against littering, so she suggested we leave it underneath the bus. That way, we would hear the DVD cracking as we drove over it. I told her it was fine, leaving the television on. I have nothing against Kathleen. I never did. It's not her fault she fell in love with the wrong guy. I feel more sorry for her than I am angry. But, I don't mind following her instructions. Of course, the more I watched the tape, the more I thought of Hunter. The way Kathleen could move set my brain into overload about all the ways she might move when they're alone together. Hell, with the way she can bend her legs, she might be able to do those things in public too. No one would even know. She's flexible in a way I didn't even know was possible. For a minute, I laughed about how lucky Hunter was to have her. She must be all kinds of fun when there aren't tears streaming down her face. Maybe, she's fun then, too. But Hunter isn't lucky, regardless of how great Kathleen might be. Because he won't see it.

This morning, Crystal is overly excited and practically diving off the tour bus. She's got her suitcase in hand as she runs towards the entrance of the hotel we're staying at in Florida. I'm following behind her, hesitating at the door. But his hand lands on my shoulder and we walk into the lobby. We sign in and head to the hotel room he has booked. The only reason we're not getting back on the road after the show is because there's a Halloween party tonight. He got the invitation a while ago and he is obligated to attend. Crystal was thrilled to find out we were going to a party. I didn't particularly care. As soon as I saw the hotel we were staying at, I felt a sinking in my stomach. I stayed in this hotel with Hunter a few years back. We're even on the same floor as we were back then. I can't stop my mind from racing. I think about this hotel room we once shared. I think about the temporary hide-away. I hear Hunter's voice ringing through my ear as we head into the room: Let's stay here.

He asked me to stay the morning we were supposed to leave that hotel. He was coming out of the shower and dripping wet. He had a towel wrapped around his waist and the biggest smile I've ever seen on his face. He looked more alive than I had seen him in months. I was staring out the window of the hotel room, but my attention directed itself to him. I didn't answer, but he kept going.

“We can make a new life for ourselves, right here.” I just nodded, beginning to laugh. I knew he was being ridiculous and it wasn't like him at all. But somehow, it looked good on him anyway. I knew he didn't believe himself, either. But there was something about the way he spoke that had me clinging on every word he said. There was a conviction to his voice. A purity. He wanted to stay in that room. He wanted to maintain the balance we had found in solitude.

“Why would we do that?” I asked him in return. He sat down on the edge of the bed, looking at me. I dropped down, letting my head rest in his lap. Although he was still wearing the towel and the water was soaking through to my hair. He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine, smiling widely.

“Why wouldn't we?” He challenged. I wanted to argue him with a reason it wouldn't work, but I couldn't find one. It was ridiculous, but maybe, it was ridiculous enough to work.

“We can get a cat, a dog, even a goldfish. We can start over.” He rambled on, standing back up. I rolled over onto my stomach, watching as he walked back to the bathroom. He pulled the towel off, throwing it onto the floor. I let my eyes roam his naked backside.

“How exactly would we get these pets in your ideal world?” I asked, watching him pull on his briefs. When he came back into the room, there was a look of awe in his eyes. I thought about seeing that look every day for the rest of my life.

“We'll catch them.” He answered, diving onto the bed. I laughed, looking over at the sliding glass doors that lead to the balcony. There was nothing for miles but water and sand.

“From where?” I asked, letting the laughter grow. He motioned out the door with his arms wide open.

“Anywhere.” He answered, brightly.

“There's nothing for miles, Hunter. Unless you're planning to catch a cat fish.” I argued, looking around. I realized he was completely zoned out at that point. He was lost in his own world. I stood up, walking towards the doors and followed his eyes to look at the ocean. There's nothing quite as calming as watching the light blue water grazing over the pale sands, pulling pieces out to shore and leaving relics of its' journey prior. Seashells and seaweed litter the sands. If you could ever consider such relics as litter. He turned to face me, letting his lips find mine. When he pulled back, he repeated:

“Let's just, stay.” In my mind, we strolled that beach. He collected seashells for a nonexistent collection of mine. I put them together on strings and made him a necklace he'll wear for years to come. I can already see that weekend with such a fondness, like it only happened yesterday.

In reality, I didn't answer him. We left that hotel at check out. We went back to the place we once called home. We left together, but came back alone. I wonder what would have happened if we had just stayed. Or if we had actually strolled that beach instead of locking ourselves in the hotel room. I couldn't give into his idea. It's ridiculous to drop everything you know and start over.

The irony isn't lost on me that I did the exact same thing for someone else. That's a reality I have to face as I drop down on this hotel bed in Florida. Crystal has immediately started rambling about the costume she's going to wear tonight. She packed for Halloween, because she thought ahead. I barely packed for a weekend, but I hardly change my clothes anyways. I have a favorite shirt, and favorite pants. That's enough for me. I didn't need much more to come on this tour, or to live for that matter.

“What are you wearing?” She asks, looking over at him. He's digging through his suitcase, then tosses a picture in her direction. She looks at it, then hands it over to me. I laugh, louder than I meant to.

“Sinatra? That's hardly a costume for you.” I correct. He shrugs, taking the picture back. He folds it and puts it back in his suitcase.

“I thought you'd be dressing up. For real.” Crystal whines, crossing her arms over her chest. He looks over.

“I am! I mean, what are you wearing?” He counters. She bites the side of her lip, then looks at me.

“I had a plan, but, now I'm thinking,” She pauses and I can see the wicked grin creeping up on her. I shake my head.

“No. I'm not wearing a couples costume. I don't do costumes, least of all with other people.” I dismiss. She laughs.

“It wouldn't be a couples costume. It would be fun to dress up together.” She encourages. He laughs.

“I don't think she wants to go out at all.” He reminds her, motioning towards me. I can see that Crystal looks disappointed, but I nod to confirm his assumption. I take a deep breath.

“Look, I'm just not in the mood to dress up and parade around, like everything is fine. I feel like I'm barely holding myself together right now.” I remind her. She nods slowly, but her smile is still there.

“I promise you'll have a good time.” She insists, motioning out the window behind her. I don't believe her at all.

Two hours later, we're at a costume store in Florida. I try to get out of the costume idea, but there's something about the way her eyes light up that I just can't refuse. She ends up buying two costumes before we head back to the hotel. She's decided we're going to be mermaids. Ladies of the ocean. Her costume is pink and orange, while mine is green and blue. The scales on both costumes are gradient, with more sequins than necessary. The fin hangs at the back, like the trail of a wedding dress, while the legs are actually open in the front. Both outfits have seashell bikini tops.

I guess I got my seashell collection in the end. It just couldn't be with him.