ODAAT: Volume 2, Chapter 5

 

Book Tour

“When were you going to tell me?” I ask sharply. I don't want to seem upset, but I am.

“I just didn't think you'd mind, since Hunter is here.” Crystal replies loosely, keeping her back to me. I watch as she's packing her suitcase. For a minute, I think about Kathleen watching me throwing things into a box in Hunter's bedroom. I chuckle to myself thinking about it. Fond memories. Of course, I'm not upset that Crystal is leaving. Not at all. I'm upset that she didn't tell me until the very last minute. She needs a ride to the airport two days from now. She didn't give me time to make arrangements at all. I have half the mind to tell her to call a damn taxi. I don't have to drive her everywhere, but I choose to. I choose to conquer my fear to make her life easier. Because I love her. When you love someone, you make sacrifices for them. But she didn't consider me when she decided to leave. She didn't. It didn't cross her mind. I knew that Charlie had a book tour starting. He told us about that right away. He always leaves the country at the beginning of March. This year, he's going to Australia, while last year he toured through Eastern Europe. He goes abroad to sign copies of his books and even do a couple readings. He can only afford once a year.

“Well, I fucking mind.” I announce, which seems to catch her attention. She stops packing and turns to face me. She looks like she's waiting for me to continue, so I look at the black and white tiles that make up her bedroom floor. I look around the rest of her room, taking in the environment. Her bed is in the center of her room, with a dark purple ensemble on top of it. Three throw pillows, two regular sized pillows and one body pillow. They are all varying shades of purple, except the body pillow that is black. In front of the bed is a six drawer dresser that it looks like she hardly uses. The top of the dresser is cluttered with make up and a jewelry rack. She's got two of her favorite wigs sitting on each edge of the dresser. But all of her clothes are presently on her bed. What isn't is hung up in the closet. Her room is a total disaster, but it's because she's leaving. I've never really been in her room before, so I'm only guessing that's the reason for the clutter. I usually just text her when dinner is ready. Or when I'm leaving for work. Or home. I pretty much text her no matter what. I just don't want to interrupt her and Charlie, should they be busy. In all honesty, I have no idea if she's home or not. They take off in the middle of the night for no reason and don't tell anyone. Jared often tells me when they leave, because they have to pass his temporary bedroom. Of the four bedrooms, Crystal and I took the two at the back of the house. We're directly across from each other. Frankie's music room is beside her bedroom and Jared is crashing in the room in front of mine. Jared is often up at ridiculous hours of the night. He says he has insomnia recently. But, he's taking advantage of the extra hours in the day. He's been writing music, some lyrics and some chords. He'll play his guitar until the sun comes up. It's one of the things he went home to get, along with a change of clothes. Although, we have a washer and dryer in the house, so we can do laundry whenever we need to. Crystal seemed excited about that, since her bachelor didn't have either. There wasn't even a washer or dryer in her apartment. She had to go to the laundromat every time she needed clean clothes. I never understood why Frankie didn't just move her into his house.

“What exactly is your problem?” She finally asks, trying to get a straight answer. I shake my head.

“Nothing. I just, want to be included in your plans I guess.” I dismiss. She raises her eyebrow and I can see her looking at me through the mirror on her dresser. The problem I have isn't that she won't be here. She's hardly ever here. It's that I will know she's gone and not coming back for a while. There will be no risk of someone finding out what may happen. I won't be afraid of her walking in. Or picking up the phone and calling Frankie. I don't have to worry too much about that one. She assumes that Jared and I are an item, sneaking into each others' rooms when no one is looking. She hasn't said anything since she asked. I don't want to keep repeating myself because I'm afraid it's going to sound like I'm trying to convince myself. She'll be gone for 16 days. That's over two weeks of being alone in this house with Jared. I could always tell him to go home. That I'd be uncomfortable having him here when no one else is. But isn't that admitting guilt? Admitting that impure thoughts have been crossing my mind? I don't know which is worse: Pretend I don't think it and risk letting it happen, or admit that the thoughts have crossed my mind and avoid the temptation. It's like a double-edged sword.

“You're upset about me leaving.” She observes. I nod, motioning around her chaotic room. I start laughing nervously.

“Well, yeah. You didn't tell me you were leaving for weeks. That I'd be here alone.” I ramble. She nods.

“You're not going to be alone. But, I'm guessing that's the problem.” She tests the water. I sigh. I didn't think I was that easy to read. She walks towards me and puts her hands on my shoulders.

“You need the buffer?” She asks, realizing it for herself. I shake my head, but find myself nodding. I don't want to acknowledge any of this. I'm content not dealing with this. Not yet. Not until Frankie is here, face-to-face and I can tell him myself. I won't risk the same thing I did with Hunter. I won't hope that my tone of voice is transferring through the phone line. I have to see him. I could fly to New York. I can certainly afford it. I have my savings from all the years I worked. After all, Hunter never made me pay my own bills and I worked to keep my sanity. I basically threw my paychecks in the bank and forgot about them. Then, Frankie arranged for a portion of the ticket sales to go to Crystal and I. He felt that since we had performed, we earned something. I just don't want to ask Reggie for time off work. I haven't worked for him long enough to start asking favors, even if we are old acquaintances. I'm at the bar 6 nights a week. I only have the day to travel. I could find the time during the hours of sun to get to New York and home. But Frankie would be busy if I tried to show up during the day. Our schedules oppose each other right now. It's like a cosmic force designed to keep us apart. Or designed to test me, let me mess everything up again.

“You're going to be fine. Stop worrying about it.” She asserts, forcing me to look her in the eye. I fake a smile.

“I don't know about that.” I mumble, beginning to shake my head. It only takes one moment of weakness to completely fuck up everything we're working towards.

“You'll be fine.” She repeats herself with confidence. I don't believe her for a second.