ODAAT: Volume 2, Chapter 7

 

Confession

“I'm glad you're here.” He whispers, pressing his nose into mine. I softly kiss him, adjusting on the hotel bed. He has his arms rested above my head and he's holding himself up with his elbows. His room looks lived in, which makes sense because it is. It's got a burgundy theme, from the carpet to the curtains. The bed has a tacky blanket draped over it. It's burgundy and beige and it matches the pillow covers. There's a small dresser on the wall beside the door. On top of it is a small television and a bunch of stuff that belongs to him. His Xbox is one of the items on the dresser, along with his controller and a handful of sandbox games. Most of his personal effects are in the bathroom, even though it's clear his bathing is rare. There are two night tables, one on either side of the double bed. Both have lamps on top of them and one has the hotel phone as well. Underneath the window is a small wooden table with a burgundy chair beside it. He's got a view out the window of the park and it's beautiful. I can see the skating rink lit up, for those who are entertaining themselves in the snow. It's nearing the end of the season, so skaters are rushing to get those moments in before it ends.

“I am too.” I agree, draping one of my arms over his back. He moves up on the bed, pulling me with him. We lay on our sides, pressing our bodies together. Neither of us say anything for about five minutes. I don't want to ruin the moment and he feels the same. His lips find their way back to mine and I let my hand roam his bare chest. This is the first time we've been together since the end of the tour. I feel it now that we're together. I had been occupying my time, my mind. I hadn't noticed the drift. But the second his lips were against mine, I remembered how much I missed him.

“I came for a reason.” I confess, sitting up on the bed. I pull my knees to my chest and look at the wall in front of the bed. There's a picture of an ocean with a small sailboat on it. He pulls himself up, looking over at me. His eyes meet mine and I can't help but get lost in those deep brown eyes of his. I feel like such a terrible person. For what I've been thinking, for who I've been with. This life he's trying to build us, and I just... He kisses the thoughts away before I can even think them. Oh, I missed this effect he has. He just calms me to the core and I can't get enough of that feeling. I slowly move off the bed, removing myself from the temptation of his lips. He laughs and shakes his head, like he doesn't understand.

“If I don't tell you now, I know I'm not going to. I will lose my nerve.” I insist, looking over. He nods, throwing his legs over the side of the bed. He lets his feet hit the floor and I find myself instinctively jumping from the sound. Both of his hands drop into his lap and he stares at me patiently. I feel like he's looking into my soul. He's seeing all those impure thoughts I've had about a man that isn't him. Meanwhile, he's only had thoughts of me. Impure and otherwise. I've picked up tricks to spot tell-tale cheating signs. This man has been alone in this hotel room for weeks. Alone. But I've been spending time with the person who made me feel the loneliest for the longest time. It's not fair, I know.

“Hunter came to Illinois.” I start, keeping my back to him.

“Yeah?” He baits me to continue, leaning forward on the bed.

“And?” He pushes. I shake my head, looking out the window. I feel more guilty than I've ever felt in my whole life. I haven't even done anything, but I know the thoughts count.

“And, we've been spending time together.” I mutter. I briefly look over my shoulder to see him raising one of his eyebrows. They are thicker than average, so if he makes a facial expression, it's always exaggerated. Right now, his confusion is all I can see.

“Are you two?” He trails off. I don't look back at him. I can't bring myself to face those eyes. Those eyes that were sparkling only a minute ago that have probably lost their luster. My stomach is dropping and I feel like I should try and catch it before it hits the floor. It's been doing that a lot recently and I'm afraid it's going to get bruised up. I shake my head.

“No. But I won't lie, I've had the thought.” I answer, biting the bottom of my lip. Right now, I want to jump up and get out of this hotel room. I don't care how nice the view is. I think I'd rather see super fast as I fall to the pavement 20 stories beneath us. There's a silence in this room right now that is deafening me. I take a deep breath, and finally turn around to face the consequences of my inaction. That glimmer hasn't gone anywhere. It's not even faded. He's biting the side of his lip playfully, like he knows something I don't. Now it's my turn to raise my eyebrow. So, he starts laughing and stands up. He grabs my shoulders and pulls me into his chest.

“I know that Hunter is there.” He admits, and I can't hide the shock spreading through my body. If Crystal called him and told him, I'm going to snap on her when she gets home.

“I'm the one who suggested he drive that locket to you. He contacted me first, afraid you'd still be mad at him.” He confesses, moving back. I pull back quickly and my eyes go wide.

“You did what?” My voice cracks as I ask.

“Look, I'm not trying to make your life awkward. I'm not testing you or anything, either. Please, don't think the worst. It's nothing like that.” He interjects, before my mind can come up with those thoughts. They would have too. I nod, still confused.

“So, why did you tell him to come to our house, the one you're not even at?” I question, crossing my arms over my chest. He's laughing at me like I'm a child throwing a temper tantrum in the grocery store.

“What is so funny?” I ask, beginning to feel frustrated. He shakes his head, dropping back on the bed.

“I wanted to see him. I mean, I never got a chance to talk to him at the concert. I was the one who invited him then too.” He answers, trying to explain himself. I'm quiet, trying to process what exactly that means. He lets out a deep breath, sitting back up.

“I figured you would understand.” He mutters, looking over at me. I raise my eyebrow again. I see the glimmer in his eyes is flickering, like a light bulb that's dying. I'm not sure why at first, then I realize what he means. I know the look on his face. It's the same one I gave Jared when he walked into Reggie's club the first time.

“You miss him.” I guess. He nods and laughs, like he's relieved.

“Yeah. I mean, I thought I'd be home before he got there and I'd be able to surprise him. But, I got held up here with all the contracts.” He mumbles, shaking his head. I nod, slowly sitting down.

“I think you'll be the surprised one. He's not Hunter anymore. He's,” I pause, looking around the room, like the words will manifest themselves. He nods, laughing.

“Yeah. I know. A few months ago, Hunter would have taken nails to the eyes before seeking me out.” He jokes. I shake my head, laughing.

“Yeah, that's true. But, he was still just hurt I think. After all this time...” I pause, faking a smile.

“I'm sorry. We don't need to bring that up. The past is dead and gone. Right?” I mumble. He shakes his head.

“But that's exactly it. I wanted to bring it up. I wanted to finally talk about everything. But I missed my chance. Again.” He stops, laughing.

“I guess I can invite him back once I'm there, right?” He rambles, seeming to get lost in his own thoughts. I fake a smile and bite the side of my lip. He raises his eyebrow again.

“He never left.” I mumble. Now the look of shock is on his face.

“There’s an extra room. We have the space.” I remind him. He nods, letting the expression dull.

“He never told me he stayed. He just said he dropped the locket off.” There's a hurt to his tone.

“I don't think he planned to stay, Frank. I think he just wanted to wait.” I offer. He looks up and there's now a smile creeping across his face. It's big and bright and looks damn good on him.

“Do you think he?” He stops, shaking his head. I can't help but laugh. He looks like a kid getting asked out for his first school dance. Here I was thinking he would be upset I was spending time with Hunter. Instead, he's jealous that he isn't getting to. He wants out of this hotel and back into our bed. But it's not just me he wants in that bed. I nod when he looks over at me, without needing to hear the rest.

“We haven't talked about it. I mean, I didn't know the two of you had spoken at all.” I mumble. He nods.

“Do you think he was keeping it from you?” He asks. I shrug.

“Maybe he didn't want to me to know he was waiting for you. He didn't want me to feel like I was just there, filling a gap. I think he,” I pause, laughing. Then I shake my head.

“I'm sorry. I'm making this sound like more of a thing than it is.” I dismiss. He shrugs, moving his arms across his chest.

“I wouldn't care. Well, I'd be a little jealous.” He jokes and I laugh.

“If I had to guess though, he misses you. I mean, he'll look towards the door sometimes, like he's expecting something. Or someone.” I explain, smiling. He nods again.

“Yeah?” He asks, sounding only a little bit excited. I move closer to him on the bed, pulling his arms down from his chest. I rest my knees on either side of him, straddling him. I lean down and softly press my lips to his. When I move back, I whisper,

“We both miss you.”