ODAAT: Volume 2, Chapter 14

 

Stray Cats

Charlie was thrilled with Frankie's announcement. I think he was only invited to come along by default. Frankie didn't know him, and didn't seem to care. But Charlie sees the tour as an opportunity for his book. He's going to get a bunch of his books printed and have them join us when they are ready. He's never been able to afford a cross-country book tour, so it's going to be different for him. Crystal agreed to help him run the merchandise stand that Frankie has agreed to give him. This is a big opportunity for promoting his brand at no extra cost. Charlie can sell his books and make new contacts. He can really get his name out there. Crystal always wanted to have her own tent on a festival circuit. It was her youth-inspired dream. She told me that she'd see those girls working at the tents and she thought it was the coolest job. It gave them the opportunity to meet all the bands, while interacting with the fans and getting to know what goes on behind-the-scenes. It was a cross of all the best opportunities available on a circuit. It's a little different, running the merchandise at a concert. For one, you already know the band. For another, you talk to more people. Everyone is there for that specific stand, rather than looking around at what might be available. When she talks about the festival circuit, she's talking about Vans Warped Tour. I knew a few of the merchandise girls. Luke was sleeping with a few of the merchandise girls. But, I was behind-the-scenes even then. I spent my festival circuit days smoking pot and drinking beer behind the stage. Now, Crystal decided she wanted her own tent some day, but she had yet to come up with a marketable skill. Being alongside Charlie was a slice of her dream come true. But she was on top of the world, like it was everything she ever wanted.

Of course, her excitement about the tour doesn't overshadow her curiosity towards this household. She stops rambling about the upcoming tour and looks me directly in the eye.

“What is going on with Jared and Frank?” She asks, crossing her arms over her chest. We're the only two who are awake this morning. Charlie took off bright and early to get to the printing press. He wanted to make arrangements as quickly as possible with the hope that his books would be ready before we left. I told him either way, he wouldn't be bringing the books on the plane with us. They would have to join us in California. Luckily, Jared still has an address in California. That's where we're staying before driving to Las Vegas.

“I don't think it's my place to say.” I dismiss, lightly shaking my head. I pick up the coffee cup from the table in front of the couch. She's sitting across from me, with both her legs folded underneath her. She's not sitting with them crossed, but she's sitting on them. I look around the living room, mostly to ignore the way her eyes are looking for answers. Our couch is an off-white color. It's not quite beige, but it's too dark to be white. It might border eggshell, but I don't know colors well enough. There's a wide chair behind me, aligned with the end of the coffee table. Another one sits behind her, also aligned with the coffee table. The three pieces of sitting furniture were obviously a set. The coffee table is the same length as the couch. It's got a black metal frame, but there's a piece of glass across that's attached with metal clips. The table has a second level, where the remote for the television is currently sitting. The television is mounted to the wall above a black metal cabinet. The cabinet has compartments and shelves and looks like a piece of art, more than furniture. There's no other furniture in the living room, except for a large rug that sits underneath the coffee table. It's white, with black squares scattered around. The whole room has a pristine feeling with it's white walls and tiled floors. But, until recently, the room had hardly been used. Jared and Frankie made it feel lived in for the first time since we moved in. But it was short lived. A few nights ago, they cleaned it so well it looked like we might have moved in yesterday. I notice that there's an empty beer bottle sitting beside the remote control. I laugh to myself, shaking my head.

“Are you okay with this? I mean,” She asks, sounding sympathetic. I nod, looking back at her.

“I just like seeing that smile.” I mumble, smiling to myself. She doesn't ask which smile I'm referring to. I'm glad she lets that slide, because I don't know if I have the answer. I know that once upon a time, they were in love. They were together for almost five years before Frankie put an end to it. That's a lot of history. History I don't have with Jared, because we were never together that long. On and off, sure. But when we were broken up, we didn't even keep in touch. We lived in different cities and had different lives. Even still, we can't be around each other without the feelings becoming obvious. It's the same with the two of them. They only needed to get on the same page about where they stood. I don't need to be on that page with them. I know where I stand with Frankie. I don't stand anywhere with Jared. I think it's better that way.

I knew Jared was in love with Frankie. I knew it for years. The real reason Hunter would never speak to Frankie was because he was afraid of those feelings rushing back. He spent a long time convincing himself that he had moved on. He can admit now that he actually shut down. He wasn't moving on. He wasn't getting better. He was denying the absence to himself. In a way, that helped him to move on with his life. Or at least gave him ignorance. Hunter lived in his own world. That denial is why he pushed me away. He was afraid of letting me in. At the time, he didn't know I knew they were together. He didn't know I knew why he was pushing me away. He also didn't know I would be stubborn enough to hold on for this long.

That was his word: Stubborn. We talked about it the other night, finally addressing that history. I told him I was in love, so I would stick it out with him, he said I was just stubborn. Jared isn't like Hunter because he chooses to face the reality of the situation. A part of his heart will always be in the clouds, but there's nothing wrong with holding on to a dream. In fact, that part of his personality is one of the things everyone loves about him. He's a hopeless dreamer, the one I once fell in love with. I missed that side of him. I didn't miss the other side. The side that was so lost in his head that he didn't acknowledge the pain. You can't experience the good without experiencing the bad. Life doesn't work that way. Sometimes, it takes a heartbreak to shake things up.

But a heartbreak can do two things to a person: Destroy them and leave them wallowing in self pity or encourage them to rise above their challenges and be something more worthy of love. Either way, there's always a period of acceptance. You are allowed time to wallow. It's important to take time to heal, of course. You've just got to know when it's time to pick the pieces up.

When Frankie broke up with Hunter, it left him heartbroken. He resorted to wallowing in his own self-pity and wondering what he did wrong. He pulled out of reality and ignored the world that was trying to invade his bubble. He kept this up for years, because he could. Then, when I left, it had the opposite effect. Instead of sitting around, he rose above the self-induced challenge to prove he was worthy of love. And, he proved it with flying colors. He just needed a little bit of time to sort out what he wanted for himself. He didn't get better right away. He had to fully understand the loss. More so, what about my absence was leaving him mourning. We were already done. We had broken up years before, but just wouldn't admit it. It wasn't me that he was mourning. But, he had to really evaluate his life to realize he had been mourning someone else for years. He had to open himself up, let himself face reality. Then, the pain of it all started to fade and he was able to move on.

If Jared had never let go of his past, then Hunter would have continued living a bitter lie somewhere in California. Jared wouldn't be coming out of the bedroom right now, hand-in-hand with Frankie. Crystal wouldn't be covering her mouth to hide the fact that she's giggling. We wouldn't be talking about Jared's set list, as the opening act for Frankie's band. But all of this is possible because Jared chose to let go. And because Frankie loves to take in stray cats.