ODAAT: Volume 2, Chapter 30

 

History

Cincinnati got a shit show, mostly because the fans felt ripped off. The person they paid to see wasn't even there. But at least the performance went well, all things considered. The same couldn't be said for Harrisburg. No one would talk to Frankie or James, even as we headed onto the stage. All of the banter that usually existed on stage was absent. James stood by the side of the stage watching, because he didn't have the chance to learn all of the songs yet. Crystal was still so angry, she insisted on staying on the drum set all night. She didn't want to switch, like she normally would. Jared agreed, but he stayed as far back on stage as possible. He spent the whole show avoiding Frankie. The tension was so thick you could see it a mile away. Frankie lacked energy in his performance. I assume some of that was his adventure with James. But the rest was from the effort spent in dealing with his pissed off band. Me and Charlie had to carry the whole show as the only neutral members. Though we tried our hardest to give the crowd a good show, it was to no avail.

Harrisburg chalked it up to the fact that Frankie had a cold, so his performance was lackluster and the rest of us were tired. But, we all knew better.

None of us felt like greeting the fans after the show. We went straight from the venue to the bus, boarding our sinking ship with no other choice. Crystal and Charlie went straight to her bunk. I followed Jared to his. We didn't say a word to each other. We just crashed.

The next morning, we woke up parked outside of a hotel in Newark. We were late for the check in, but the hotel didn't seem to mind. Then, we headed out for breakfast before starting the day. Crystal picked the diner, a cute place that turned out to be family-owned. The owner was shocked to see us coming in, accompanied by our crew. Frankie apologized for not calling ahead, saying we had just got to town. The owner didn't seem to mind. He recognized Frankie instantly and started running around the restaurant. He closed the place down, to give us privacy. He even rushed out customers that were already in the restaurant. He rearranged his whole world to make us comfortable. This was the kind of treatment Frankie was used to. Once upon a time, Jared was too. But, it was new to the rest of us. After we all sat down, we ordered coffees and food. The manager and owner headed into the kitchen to help the chef, so we wouldn't have to wait too long.

The only conversation in the restaurant is between staff members. A few of the guys in the crew are talking about the show in Harrisburg, how bad it went. Then they start talking about how amazing Cincinnati was. This seems to peak Frankie's interest, but he doesn't ask. Most of the road crew has been avoiding him as well. They are afraid of losing their jobs by expressing an opinion.

Christine was livid when Frankie didn't even have a reason for his absence. She told him it was his first strike and if he continued with “such behavior”, he could do so for a different label. They expect their performers to perform. I feel bad that everyone is treating Frankie so poorly. I feel even worse for James, because he didn't do anything. At the same time, there's not much I can say about the situation. It's been hard for everyone.

After finishing her first coffee, Crystal stands up and heads outside. I dismiss the conversation I was having with one of the waitresses and go after Crystal. She's not standing outside of the building, so I walk around the side. She's in the alley, leaning against the brick wall. She's got a smoke in one of her hands. The other seems to be fidgeting with something. She's staring off into nothing.

“Hey.” I greet, trying to let her know I'm here. She looks over, exhaling with force. She nods, before resuming to her previous view of nothing. I walk over, slowly.

“What's going on with you?” I ask softly, trying to convey the concern. She shakes her head, like she doesn't want to talk about it. She's taking deep inhales from her cigarette and her hand is slightly shaking. I realize I've never seen her smoke a cigarette. She only smokes when she is stressed.

“It's just, the book. I mean, the manuscript is coming along, but, I don't need added stress, right?” She shrugs, letting her shoulders slump as she adjusts against the wall. I nod.

“But it's more than that.” I observe. She finishes her cigarette, tossing the butt across the street. She nods, excessively, lighting another cigarette. She looks over at me.

“Yeah. You're right. It's more than that. It's a fuck load more than that.” She barks, raising her voice. I take a step back from her, afraid she might lunge at me. I don't know what she's capable of.

“I'm not trying to be pushy, I just want to help.” I remind her, trying to approach the subject. She nods, looking over again.

“Yeah. I know. I'm not upset with you.” She hints. I nod.

“The general consensus seems to be that Frankie is an asshole. But, how long are you going to give him the cold shoulder?” I ask, trying to encourage thought. She shakes her head, smiling crooked.

“I'm not trying to give him the cold shoulder. I just, expected more from him.” She mumbles. I nod, stepping closer to her. I watch her smoking feverishly. I imagine how black her lungs must be right now. But, she doesn't seem to care. Maybe she is hoping the more smoke she sucks in, the less oxygen she'll have in her system. She can't feel if she can't breathe, after all. I laugh, which causes her to look over at me. I just shake my head, looking down at the ground. She finishes her second smoke, pulling out her pack for a third. She holds it in my direction this time. I hesitate, but take one anyway. I don't smoke unless I'm drunk, then I'm a chimney. If I'm sober, I can't stand the smell of cigarette smoke. It hurt my lungs. But the rules don't apply when I've been drinking. I can turn off my vices, unlike most people. I don't have an addictive personality. So I can do something in excess, then walk away. Or I can do everything in moderation. I have no roots when it comes to vices. I have no roots when it comes to life either. Everything is disposable to me. She lights the smoke for me and drops her arm.

“So, you're disappointed that he's a fuck up. He's only human. He's bound to make mistakes.” I remind her, leaning against the wall. The brick has sharp edges, now digging into my skin . I chose to wear a t-shirt, because the weather was nice. Right now, I wish I had worn something with sleeves to create a barrier.

“Yeah, I guess.” She agrees, letting out a deep breath. I watch her for a minute, through the smoke cloud she's created around herself. I can see there's a glaze over her eyes. It makes sense that her rage was covering up her sadness. She wanted to believe he was more, but, he turned out to be another disappointment. Another man filled with promises he never intended to keep. Another man who bailed because it was too inconvenient for him to stick around. I can tell the look.

“Look, we've got the practice space rented for tomorrow. James will learn his parts, then you're off the hook. You can leave the tour if you want, Charlie can too. We'll just hire touring members to finish off the tour. There aren't many shows left anyway. But for tonight, let's try to put on a decent show. For the fans.” I encourage, but she just laughs. She looks over at me and I can't figure out what she's thinking.

“Why are you making excuses for him?” She asks. I raise my eyebrow, lifting off the wall.

“What do you mean? I just want to finish this tour.” I argue. She nods, motioning broadly around us.

“It's not our tour. Not our obligation. We can all leave. So why are you so determined to see this through?” She counters. I bite the side of my lip, fumbling as I try to bring the cigarette to my mouth. I didn't know I needed to make excuses. I thought I was explaining the situation. She finishes her third cigarette, dropping it on the ground in front of her. She stomps on it to put it out, making a clear point to everything around her that she is done.

“Do you know why Jared is so upset?” She asks, turning to face me. She's got her arms crossed over her chest and the smoke cloud has finally dissipated. I shrug, shaking my head.

“I haven't asked. I've been trying to give him space. Not that I think he'd tell me anyway.” I note, letting my voice sound as bitter as I feel. Ever since Frankie got back on that bus, Jared has been withdrawn. He's been distant, like he's in his own world. We've hardly said anything to each other. I want to be there for him, but I don't want to pressure him right now. The last thing I need is Hunter coming back. Crystal laughs, shaking her head. She lightly tugs her hair.

“Of course he didn't tell you. Why would he? That's actually sweet because he doesn't want you to worry, so he's keeping it bottled up.” She rambles. I look down at the ground, mostly to avoid seeing her this way. She's completely unhinged and I don't know how to feel.

“Tell me what?” I ask under my breath. She pauses, looking over.

“Frankie didn't tell you about him and James?” She asks, trying to clarify. I raise my eyebrow, looking up at her. She sighs, shaking her head. She's quiet for a minute, breathing out deeply.

“James is Frankie's ex-boyfriend. He's not a friend. They were dating the entire time they were in that band together. But, they didn't end when the band did. They kept seeing each other, on and off. But, it was behind Jared's back.” She explains, shaking her head again. I don't move. I can't.

“His ex-boyfriend.” I repeat. Crystal nods.

“The worst part is, Jared didn't know that. Not until Frankie said he was going to see James. Then, Jared realized they had never lost touch, which means it had never stopped.” Crystal finishes, her voice laced with sympathy. That certainly explains why Jared has shut down. That would be a bitter pill to swallow, especially considering the sudden disappearance and time Frankie can't account for.

But, is it that he can't account for his time, or that he doesn't want to admit to what he's done?