Chapter 11

James became possessive. He didn’t like if anyone looked at Charlotte for too long. He’d puff out his chest and his voice got deep and breathy. His eyes would go so dark, like he was possessed by the devil himself. He would challenge his best friend to a fight if he thought someone was looking at her for too long. Charlotte didn’t know what it was about his possessiveness, but she liked it. To her, it meant he loved her enough to show unrestrained passion. To others, it might have seemed like he was insecure about the relationship and his possessiveness was an overcompensation. It was. James was angry about everything. Charlotte could tell that something had changed between them. She felt like she was walking on eggshells all the time, trying not to make him angry. She was always afraid if she said or did something that he might get angry. That was the part Charlotte didn’t care for. She got enough of that at home. James always apologized, but Charlotte felt like his apologies were becoming inauthentic.

School started up in September and the rumor mill had already spun a dozen new ones about Charlotte. There were people talking about how she “broke Kyle’s heart” by “leading him on”. More things along the lines of that. Charlotte did the best she could to ignore everyone. She knew what the truth was. Besides, there was no point arguing because no one would believe her side of the story. She already knew that. She had played it over a million times, every possible outcome. There was no way she could win, except to not participate. So that’s what she chose. She ignored the whispers and dismissed the questions. If anyone asked, she told them to ask Kyle. After all, he was happy to spin his own narrative. He loved being a victim and the girls were eating it up too. His phone book was filling up quickly. Charlotte felt bad for all the girls who thought Kyle was a great guy, like she had.

This year, her and James had a music class together. He started learning drums, while Charlotte picked up a saxophone. She loved the brass, the vibrations, and the sound it all made together. James apparently loved thrashing on a drum kit. He learned quickly, getting an invitation to be the drummer for the school band. He was on top of the world. He seemed happier too. There was a healthy glow to his skin. Charlotte often got distracted watching James play. She was supposed to be practicing her own instrument. She would look over and accidentally play the wrong note. She made so many mistakes, she was switched to a flute position. Charlotte hated the flute. She didn’t understand how to properly project using that mouthpiece. The teacher said she could earn back her position with self-discipline. Until she could play without mistakes, she was not allowed the saxophone. It was really difficult for Charlotte to learn an instrument she didn’t even like. She did the best she could, trying to master the flute. The combination of tonguing the instrument and watching James play was overstimulating to her mind. She found if she played with her back to him, she could focus on the instrument. She could still feel his drumming throughout her core. Sometimes, he’d practice over lunch and Charlotte would sit and watch him. He was passionate about music, and Charlotte loved watching him let go of his restraints. Unfortunately, she wasn’t the only one who liked to watch him play.

For the first time, James was getting attention from the popular kids. The girls swooned over him. The boys wanted to know his secrets. Everywhere he went, he was having a conversation with someone. Charlotte shrunk a little into the background of his life. Not because he made her feel small, but because she didn’t like the extra attention. She wanted him to take advantage of the new opportunities he was given. She just didn’t want to participate herself. James tried to keep Charlotte included in his life. He always extended invitations to her, even if the host didn’t want her there. He clearly still wanted her to be a part of his life. It was flattering, but Charlotte had nothing in common with James’s new friends. She felt awkward when she went out with him now. She felt like she was holding him back. She didn’t realize she was feeling insecure again. She didn’t talk to him about what she was thinking. She just started to put distance between them. She’d turn down invitations to hang out and she cut their phone calls short. She felt like it was only a matter of time before James was going to meet someone who was better suited to him. After all, she was plain. Now that he was a sexy drummer, he could have any girl in their school. He wasn’t going to stay with her once he realized he could do better. Charlotte just wanted to be ready for the eventual break-up.

James wasn’t oblivious. He could tell she was putting up walls. At first, he did everything he could to try and show her that she was still important to him. He prioritized spending time alone with Charlotte. He made extra efforts if they had to miss time together for any reason. He was doting. He was understanding. He was patient. But patience only gets you so far. They were sitting together at the bleachers when he finally broke down.

“I don’t know what more I can do.” He exhaled, dropping his head down. His bangs created curtains over his face. Charlotte put her hand on his knee.

“It’s not you, James.” She spoke softly. He looked over at her with a pained smile.

“I’m miserable, Charlotte.” He confessed. She nodded slowly.

“I know. I haven’t been happy in a while.” She agreed. He looked back down, nodding.

“What do we do?” He asked under his breath. Charlotte shook her head.

“I don’t think there’s anything we can do.” She hinted. James looked over at her.

“So this is it?” He questioned. Charlotte nodded.

“I love you James. I want you to be happy. If you’re not happy with me, then I want you to find someone you’ll be happy with.” She assured. James smiled, showing the corner of his mouth. He had such a cute smile, filled with crooked teeth. Charlotte couldn’t help but smile back.

“I love you too Charlotte. I always will.” He promised. Charlotte nodded. Neither of them said another word. James got up and walked away. Charlotte watched as he disappeared in the distance.

Within days, he started dating Katie. He dumped her after they had sex. Then, he started dating Jen. Then it was Tasha. He only dated Rebecca for a day, but broke things off when she wouldn’t go down on him. Charlotte actually saw James kissing one girl while another was between his legs. It was a vulgar scene that made Charlotte’s stomach churn. She thought she had been prepared for break-up. She wasn’t prepared for other girls to have him in the way she did. The relationship was really over.

A few weeks after they broke up, a mutual friend approached Charlotte. She had heard disturbing rumors about James and she needed clarification. She had heard that James forced girls to do things and he wouldn’t take “no” for an answer. She started crying as she begged Charlotte to tell her it wasn’t true. It wasn’t even the worst thing Charlotte had been hearing about him. Although Charlotte was reassuring on the outside, she doubted herself. The way people spoke about James was like he was an abusive animal. He wasn’t doing anything to help that reputation. He was treating girls like they were objects. It didn’t seem to stop the number of girls who were throwing themselves at him either. The worse the rumors got, the more it seemed to spike his popularity. Charlotte didn’t know what to believe anymore. In her heart, she knew, this wasn’t her James. Something had changed.

James was in the music room, practicing during lunch. Charlotte had borrowed the key from the teachers’ assistant. She lied and said she wanted to practice her piano keys. She wasn’t very good at playing and had fallen behind in class. Charlotte watched James play for a minute. He had headphones on and his back was to her. The room was pitch black with no windows. Charlotte locked the door before she stepped forward. She put her hand down on his shoulder. He jumped up, spinning around. He stumbled to his feet, wide-eyed.

“What are you doing here?” He screeched, putting one of his hands on his chest. Charlotte shrugged.

“I want to talk to you about something.” She sat on the stool. James leaned against the wall.

“I don’t really want to talk.” He dismissed. She nodded.

“I know you don’t. But, James, it can’t be ignored.” She spoke softly. He pushed off the wall and turned his back to her. She could see how tense his shoulder muscles were. She let out a soft sigh.

“What’s going on babe?” She asked softly.

“Don’t call me that.” He growled. She bit her lip.

“Sorry.” She fumbled. James kept his back to her, but cracked his shoulders.

“You said you wanted me to be happy, right?” He reminded. She nodded.

“And I do.” She assured. James briefly looked over at her.

“Then why are you here?” He snapped. Charlotte was quiet.

“You’re right. It was a mistake. I just thought, if you need to talk, I want you to know I’m here for you.” She offered. She stood up and started unlocking the door. James turned around and put his hand on the door. His other hand moved to her shoulder and he forced her to sit back down.

“I don’t need your fucking attitude. I’m happy, okay?” He barked. Charlotte nodded.

“James, I can see right through you. I know you’re in pain.” She argued.

“Fuck you.” He spat. She was quiet for a minute.

“Okay. Do it. If you’re so happy, fuck me.” She demanded. James looked down at her with wide eyes.

“What?” He stuttered. Charlotte dropped down on her knees in front of him.

“Come on James. I know you don’t give a fuck about Tiffany.” She teased, tugging at his zipper. He pushed her away from him and backed into the wall.

“Fuck, Charlotte. You can’t do that.” He groaned. She got to her feet and walked over to him. She forcefully pushed him against the wall with her body. She kissed his neck as she grabbed the bulge in his pants. He let out a soft moan that echoed through the studio.

“Why James, that almost sounds like vulnerability.” She cooed, playfully nipping at his ear. He quickly tore himself away from her, causing her to stumble backwards. She fell onto her elbows, looking up at him. She licked her lips as she looked at his bulge. He dropped down beside her, grabbing her by the throat. He held her against the floor, leaning over her.

“Is this what you want?” He groaned. Charlotte wrapped her hands around his arm and nodded.

“I’d rather you hurt me than yourself.” She mumbled. He let go of her throat and fell into himself. Charlotte moved to sit beside him, putting her arm around him. He was sobbing heavily. She pulled his head to her chest and ran her fingers through his hair.

“I know you’re angry, but, this isn’t you.” She whispered. He shook his head against her.

“Everything is falling apart.” He exhaled. Charlotte gently rubbed his back.

“You’re going through a hard time, it’s okay. But, you’re so much stronger than this.” She tried encouraging. James pulled away, looking over at her.

“I’m sorry.” He stumbled. She shook her head.

“My lips are sealed.” She assured. James pulled himself to his feet, holding his hand out for her. She stood up and plastered on a fake smile. He fumbled with the lock, desperate to burst out into freedom. Charlotte watched his hurried steps away from her. It was a hard lesson to teach, but she knew no one else could break through to him. Maybe she couldn’t either. Maybe he was too far gone.