Chapter 3

Summer was nearing an end, with school just around the corner. The local community center had partnered with the police to host a block party. Everyone was invited. The event saw the streets cut off in the neighborhood. It was a great social event for all of the kids, right before going back to school. James had been dropped off early by his mother. Him and Charlotte were jumping around on the hopscotch for a bit before grabbing burgers. They were being grilled by a police officer in uniform. He was handing out the burgers with a bright smile, filled with white sparkling teeth. He was clearly happy to participate in the community events. Charlotte and James sat down a bit away from the crowd to eat. Charlotte was shy about eating around other people, so she covered her mouth after each bite to chew. She giggled as James got ketchup on the side of his mouth. He wiped it off with his thumb and laughed along with her. Charlotte mostly watched the kids running around them, but she kept James in the corner of her eye. The way he took such messy bites of his burger was adorable to her. If she were the outwardly affectionate type, she might want to hug or kiss him. She wasn’t though. She hadn’t really been raised in an affectionate house, quite the opposite. She knew that some people liked to show affection. She knew James was the type to show his affection. She didn’t really understand how.

“Do you want to dance?” James asked after they tossed their plates in the garbage. Charlotte shook her head quickly, her eyes going wide as she looked around the crowd.

“There are too many people here.” She whined. James nodded. He was quiet for a minute.

“Come with me.” He instructed, holding out his hand. She held his hand as he lead her through the crowd. There was an area behind the party that was fenced off, but there was a break in the fence. They squeezed through the gap and headed up to the rocky hill. The music lowered, but they could still hear it from where they were. As they got on top of the big open space, James pulled Charlotte into his arms. He started swaying with the rhythm of the music beneath them. She followed his lead, putting her head against his chest. She could hear his heart racing against her. She smiled to herself as they continued to move in deliberate motions. She wrapped her arms around his back. He did the same, resting his head against hers. She could only faintly hear the music. It sounded like “Shape of my Heart” by the Backstreet Boys. She giggled at the ridiculousness of dancing on a rock behind a party to a Backstreet Boys song. This was going to be a core memory. As the song ended, James took a step back. His arms stayed wrapped around Charlotte. She looked up at him and he leaned down and kissed her. At first, she didn’t know how to react. She slowly kissed him back, running her hands up his arms. She wrapped her hands around his neck and held him in place. For a minute, everything faded away. There was no music. There were no other people. It was just the two of them, alone in the Universe. It felt like a million nerves came to life at the same time. The kiss ended, but neither of them moved.

“I love you.” She whispered. It was barely audible, as she lacked any confidence in herself. He smiled.

“I love you too.” He replied, very confidently. She pulled him into another kiss.

A few days later, it was Charlotte’s birthday. James couldn’t come for her party, but his mother drove him over so he could give her his gift. It was a white heart key chain. He proudly showed her that it clicked into a second part, the part he would keep on his key chain. Charlotte didn’t even know what to say. She had never been given a gift from a boy. She stumbled out a thank you. He gave her a quick kiss, then headed back to the car. She immediately put the key chain on her house keys. She thought to herself that it might be the best birthday she ever had.

August 25, 2001

I think this may have been the best birthday I’ve ever had. Jessica got me that purple basketball I wanted and Kim got me one of the CDs that I had on my Christmas list. Now I don’t have to wait until Christmas, so I’m stoked. My mom made the best chocolate cake too. She always makes the best birthday cakes though. Ever since I was little, I remember having these elaborate cakes for my birthday. She really tried to make each one special. But she didn’t have to this year. It was special on its’ own merit. James showed up today, but he couldn’t stay for the party. He just wanted to drop off a gift. That’s right. He bought me a gift. A little white heart on a key chain that clicks into the one on his key ring. He bought us couples’ key chains. I can’t believe it. I feel like I am the luckiest girl in the world. I wish I knew how to show him how much I care. I just don’t know how to be that way. I’m not an affectionate person. I think that might be a major flaw of mine. It’s just not something I understand. But I want to try. I do. I want to try and show him that I love him, as much as he says he loves me. I think it’s the least I can do, right? I mean, he’s so amazing. He deserves so much better than me. But I really do love him, and I don’t want to lose him. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep him.

They only got to see each other one more time before school started. James came over when her parents were out. She was babysitting her siblings, so they stayed in the living room. She put on a scary movie that Jessica had been bugging her to watch. The kids were already in bed. Charlotte sat beside James. Throughout the movie, she inched closer to him until she was pressed into his side. He put his arm around her and gently pulled her to his chest. She curled into his side, putting one of her hands flat against his chest. She was happy she had, because the next jump scare actually scared her. She jumped, but James squeezed her gently to reassure her. She settled back in against him for the rest of the movie. She couldn’t focus on the plot anymore. She was enthralled by James’s breathing. She listened as his chest rose and fell and occasionally skipped a beat when she felt he was looking at her. She felt so lucky to be with someone who seemed to love her. She wanted to be more appreciate of it. She sat up abruptly, which startled him. When he looked over at her to ask what was wrong, she leaned forward and kissed him. This time, she pushed the kiss further. He invited her to deepen the kiss and she took his invitation eagerly. She slowly let her tongue explore his mouth, trying to follow the instructions she had read on the internet. He seemed to be following her lead anyway. The hand that was on his chest ran up and wrapped with the other around his neck. His hands moved to her lower back. They sat beside each other on the couch, wrapped in each other’s arms and lip-locked for what could have been an eternity. Again, time stood still for Charlotte. Nothing else mattered. Unfortunately, time only felt like it was standing still. In reality, his mother was waiting outside to pick him up. It was an awkward hug goodbye as James headed out to meet his mother. Luckily for him, it was his brother picking him up in her place. Charlotte locked the door and headed back to the living room. She cleaned up the soda glasses sitting on the coffee table and turned the TV off. She took the DVD out and popped it back into the case. She’d give it to Jessica in the morning. She headed upstairs to her room and got ready for bed. She waited up until her parents got home, sitting on her bed reading a teen magazine.

“You can go to bed now, honey.” Her mother called from the door. Charlotte looked over and nodded. Her mother disappeared into her bedroom. Charlotte finished the article she was reading before she turned off her light and went to bed. That night, she had a completely new kind of dream about James.

In the morning, Charlotte met up with Kim and Jessica at the park across the street. She wasn’t as talkative as usual, and the girls took notice.

“What’s up with you?” Jessica questioned. Charlotte shook her head.

“Do either of you know anything about sex?” She sighed. Jessica’s eyes went wide.

“Why do you need to know?” She squeaked. Charlotte shook her head again.

“I don’t need to know, I just want to be prepared.” She defended herself. Jessica shook her head.

“I only know what my cousin has told me, and, I don’t want to repeat it.” She answered. Charlotte nodded. She knew the kind of explanations Jessica’s cousins gave. She wasn’t missing anything important. Kim tapped her bottom lip with her finger.

“I know a bit. What do you want to know?” She asked. Charlotte was quiet.

“What’s an erection?” She asked under her breath. Both girls broke out giggling.

“You don’t know what an erection is?” Jessica teased. Charlotte just shook her head.

“I don’t think Charlotte got the talk at all.” Kim noted. Charlotte stayed quiet. Jessica stopped laughing.

“That’s bad.” She mumbled. Kim nodded.

“Well to answer that question, an erection is when a penis gets hard. A penis gets hard, generally, when something stimulating happens.” She explained. Charlotte nodded.

“So kissing could,” She paused and shook her head. Jessica raised her eyebrow.

“You guys are kissing already?” She squeaked. Charlotte nodded slowly.

“A bit.” She confessed. Jessica gently hit her shoulder.

“Then you need to know this stuff!” She continued in a high-pitched tone of voice. Kim nodded.

“I know a great place with information online. I’ll get you the link and send it over on the messenger.” She insisted. Charlotte nodded. She had asked her mother once before, but she seemed uncomfortable having any real conversation. Charlotte only knew what she had read in the teen magazines. They didn’t seem to answer all of her questions, but they were a good base line. It was better than having no reference, as far as Charlotte was concerned. Still, she had more questions than answers and no one to ask. She was happy for any resource she was offered. Kim followed through and sent her a link that evening. Charlotte went on the computer and looked at the different sections. There were different categories for male and female anatomy. There were quizzes to determine if teenagers were emotionally ready to take their relationship to the next level. There were a lot of really good resources. Charlotte stayed up almost all night reading and taking different quizzes. By morning, she felt she had a much better understanding of what might happen in her relationship with James.

The first week back to school was hectic. Charlotte was disappointed because she didn’t have any classes in common with James. They would only be able to see each other at lunch. She hoped that wasn’t going to put distance between them, that they could still talk on the phone every day. Throughout the summer, they practically lived on the phone when they weren’t hanging out. They would talk about everything, from the smallest and most trivial things to big existential questions about the Universe. Although school was going to be time consuming, she hoped that they would be able to make time for one another. Charlotte was having difficulty getting from her first class to her second. The hallway at their school was oddly shaped and it rounded in a way that split off. She had no idea where she was supposed to be going.

“Are you lost?” David asked, plopping a hand down heavily on her shoulder. Charlotte looked over. David was someone she had gone to grade school with. She knew he wanted to go to the performing arts school, so she wasn’t surprised to see him. She was a little surprised he seemed helpful.

“I’ll walk you to your class.” He offered. Charlotte nodded, showing him her schedule. He nodded.

“Same class I’m heading to.” He remarked. Charlotte smiled as she followed him around the corner and down the hall. There, Charlotte saw the science lab that would be her second period home for the next few months. She took a seat, and David took the seat beside her.

“Let’s be partners.” He whispered. Charlotte smiled back, then nodded.

“Sure.” She agreed. Usually, she was picked last to be someone’s partner. Kim had a best friend, and Jessica had a best friend. Although they were all close, Charlotte was never the first pick for anyone. In fact, she was often assigned a partner from the teacher. Or the teacher would have to partner with her. She just didn’t click with anyone in a way that people wanted to spend that kind of time with her. So far, high school already felt different from grade school. It was like, she had a whole new opportunity to reinvent herself, to step out of the shadow of the bullied preteen and finally be a cool teenager. She had never liked school because she was bullied heavily. This was the first time she was actually excited to be going to school. Of course at lunch, Charlotte and James sat together at one of the tables. That was the first time Charlotte noticed the hushed whispers of their classmates. She dismissed it, figuring there was bound to be gossip. They finished lunch and went their separate ways. In her third period, she was approached by a former bully, Amber.

“Are you like, dating, James?” She pried. Charlotte nodded.

“You know he still picks his nose right? I’ve heard he eats it too. Do you taste snot when you kiss him?” She mocked. Charlotte faked a smile and moved away from her. She never got along with Amber, but she had to be civil to her. Amber was one of Jessica’s best friends, though Charlotte could never understand what Jessica saw in her. She was insufferable. In grade school, she bet Charlotte wouldn’t kiss a classmate named Josh. Charlotte did. Josh was traumatized by it. Amber tried to wiggle out of the deal. Eventually, Jessica made her pay up. Amber seemed to enjoy putting people in uncomfortable situations. Charlotte shrugged off her comment and went about her day.