Chapter 4

Unfortunately, Amber was not the only person who made comments to or around Charlotte, regarding James’s popularity. It turned out that everyone considered him to be the biggest loser at their grade school. James and Charlotte hadn’t gone to the same school. They didn’t know what classmates thought about one another until they started hearing the snide remarks from other students. Charlotte did the best she could to ignore everyone, but it started to weigh on her. She was excited about high school, and being able to start this new chapter of her life. She wanted to get away from the teasing and bullying that had followed her through grade school. It seemed like James may be in the way of that new image she wanted for herself.

James never cared what other people thought. He never let their opinions or comments get inside his head. He was confident in his romance, and that was enough for him. Charlotte’s lack of confidence was never a reflection on how James made her feel, but how she felt about herself. She wasn’t confident in herself. She wasn’t confident in her ability to keep James around once he found out she was a bigger loser than him. She figured he’d realize he could do better and he’d dump her for someone else. That had a big influence on her decisions. So did the events of September 11^th, 2001. Everyone was called to the assembly hall to watch the TV broadcast the news on the big screen. There was an air of panic. Charlotte’s mom pulled the kids out of school and took them home, feeling the need to be with family. She often felt big events on a personal level. Charlotte didn’t take the event that seriously, or she didn’t think she had. In the back of her head, there was a sudden panic. What if she never had the chance? Charlotte really wanted to make her relationship with James stronger. She knew what to do, she just had to wait for the opportunity. It came to her on the afternoon of the autumn Equinox. At 1:30 pm, her stepfather announced that they had been invited out to camp for a barbecue to celebrate the season changing. They also planned to set off fireworks because it was outside of the town limit. Charlotte didn’t want to go. She didn’t care for the bugs out at camp. Plus, everyone was younger than her out there. The adults said she was too young. She didn’t fit in.

“I don’t want to go.” She whined. Her stepfather crossed his arms.

“You’re going. That’s final.” He grunted. Charlotte turned her back to him and rolled her eyes. She looked to her mother with silent pleas. She nodded.

“If we take her, she’s just going to ruin everyone else’s time.” Her mother rephrased. Her stepfather nodded. The other two kids ran outside to eagerly load into the car. Charlotte waved as they headed out to camp for the evening. Usually, they would stay the night if they were going to camp this late. It would depend on the weather, ultimately. Charlotte hopped onto her computer and sent James a message, letting him know that she had the house to herself. It was a Saturday, so she figured he would want to know. She was right. Within an hour, he had taken the two buses to get to her house. She opened the front door and motioned for him to come inside. Once she closed the door and locked it, his lips were against hers. He gently backed her into the hallway wall, kissing her deeply. She moaned against his lips as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She used him to steady herself as they walked backwards towards the living room. The couch was parallel to the door. The back of her legs hit against the arm of the couch and she toppled backwards, taking James with her. He moaned against her lips as he landed against her. She shifted slightly underneath him, grazing against him with her hand. He had an erection. At least she knew what it meant. She guided him to lay against her and slowly rocked her hips into him. His breathing began to race as she picked up speed. He tried to kiss her, but his head was spinning. He buried himself in the crook of her neck, thrusting himself against her. She let out a soft moan into his ear as she ran her hands through his hair. She decided to go a bit further. She slid her hand inside the waist band of his sweatpants. She wrapped her hand around him and gently squeezed. The contact put him over the edge. He excused himself to the bathroom while she tried to steady her breath. He came back out after a few minutes, having run water through his hair. Droplets were still falling from his face. Charlotte walked over to him as he scrambled to put his shoes back on. He grabbed her shoulder and kissed her again.

“You’re fucking amazing.” He grinned. Charlotte smiled as she looked down at the ground.

“Thanks.” She mumbled. She watched James walk down the street from her window. As soon as he was gone, she went upstairs to take a shower. Her head was swimming as the sounds he was making played over in her head. His grunts, his whimpers. He was so beautiful when he was in that dazed state. She wanted to see more of him, like that. He was special. She knew she wanted to go all the way with him. She just needed to know that he was ready to take that step too. The incident with Josh a few months ago had Charlotte concerned about consent. She thought Josh was okay with what happened, but he wasn’t afterwards. He felt it happened too fast and he wasn’t comfortable with it. That often played in the back of Charlotte’s head when she was with James. She didn’t want to feel like she was pushing him too fast or forcing him to do something he didn’t want. She really learned a lot from the website Kim had sent her to.

James wasn’t the first person Charlotte had ever fooled around with. When she was younger, she explored with her male friend, Chris. Then, in middle school, she went on a movie date with her classmate, Mitch. After the movie, they were at a park when he pulled her onto his lap. He kind of held her there, on his lap. She could feel him wiggling underneath her, but didn’t really understand what was happening. Until she got the information from online, she didn’t really have the words to describe what she had done. In just a few short days, she had learned the words for an array of experiences she had had. It was a relief to read that she wasn’t alone in many of these experiences. There were forums of people who were sharing stories similar to hers. She even learned that what had happened with Mitch was non-consensual for her. At the time, she didn’t really understand. She didn’t know the depth of peer pressure. She knew what bullying felt like, but she didn’t understand that peer pressure can be both subtle and overbearing. Sometimes the worst things are those that plant the seeds for other insecurities. She never kissed Chris. She never kissed Mitch. James was the first boy she had ever kissed. He was the first boy for a lot of her feelings too. Mitch had spread rumors that she did a few things though. That was something that kept coming back up. James had asked her if it was true. She assured him that it wasn’t. She told him what had happened. He said he believed her, but she wasn’t sure if he was being genuine. He may have felt like he was dating the village bicycle, so to say. Charlotte had been transparent though. James knew he wasn’t her first sexual experience. He was happy to be her first kiss. He wanted to be her first real experience. After that first time, they made it a regular occurrence to snuggle during movies and let their hands roam under the blankets. They always made sure no one was around, so there was no risk of being caught. They were responsible, but they were also horny teenagers. They wanted to be together all the time, and they invented ways to see each other, even on school nights. For the most part, it was easy to just invite James over to her place. Her mother had become paranoid about her going out, but she was letting anyone come over. Charlotte didn’t think about many things in advance. She often made last-minute decisions and she didn’t really think about consequences as much as she should have.

Charlotte was really looking forward to Halloween that year. Her and James were planning to go to a party together. It was, essentially, their first official outing as a couple. Jessica had invited them to Jennifer’s Halloween bash. Every year she threw a wild party. She always got her hands on things that kids shouldn’t have. It was alcohol last year. Her older brother had bought it for her, not expecting her to share with her friends. Jessica wasn’t into that kind of stuff, but she liked the atmosphere. She was a very social person, which was the opposite of Charlotte. Charlotte was more into small gatherings than parties, but she wanted to go because everyone she knew was going to be there. It was going to be talked about for the rest of the school year. Missing the Halloween party would be like skipping picture day in grade school. Charlotte did not want to be the one person who didn’t go. She started getting ready as soon as they finished dinner, expecting to head out around 6:30. She was dressing as a witch, which wasn’t really a costume to Charlotte. It was really just a hat, paired with whatever she felt like wearing. This year, since it was special, she had bought a black dress and thigh high stockings. She had a broom pendant on, and heavy black eye make-up. She grabbed her bag and headed down the stairs to await her friends. Unfortunately, her mother greeted her with crossed arms.

“Where do you think you’re going?” She asked. Charlotte raised her eyebrow.

“It’s Halloween?” She answered. Her mother nodded.

“Exactly. Kids are twice as likely to be kidnapped tonight than any other night of the year. You’re not going out there.” She ranted. Charlotte nodded.

“I’m not going trick or treating, mom. It’s a Halloween party at Jennifer’s. You know where I’ll be.” She explained. Her mother shook her head.

“Your siblings are going to ask why you can leave and they can’t. They aren’t going to understand. You can’t go. I’m sure lots of parents are keeping their kids home.” Her mother tried reasoning.

“Are you serious?” Charlotte screeched. Her mother stood her ground and nodded.

“You should have told me earlier. You knew I had plans!” Charlotte groaned. Her mother nodded.

“I did. You weren’t listening.” She assured. Charlotte stomped up the stairs to her bedroom. She couldn’t believe her mother was going to prevent her from going to the biggest party of the year. It would have been her first high school party too. She wasn’t invited to a lot of parties. She was only invited by extension of Jessica, who tried to bring Charlotte everywhere. She thought Charlotte needed to expand her horizons, and experience life outside of her computer. Charlotte hadn’t told Jessica anything that happened between her and James, besides kissing. Jessica didn’t know about the life Charlotte had before she moved to the neighborhood. No one did, really. Charlotte had told James bits and pieces, but she didn’t give him any great details. Her past was a mystery, to her as well. Charlotte took off her costume and got into her pajamas. As she finished wiping her make-up off through tears, she heard a knock at the door. She knew it was James and Jessica. She tried to hide the fact that she was crying as she opened the door. Jessica was dressed as Tinkerbell, in a bright green fairy costume complete with the wings. James was standing in his batman costume. He was wearing the fake muscles, but Charlotte knew he was well-defined underneath the costume too. She had seen him shirtless a few times. She put on a fake smile to greet her friends as she leaned against the open door frame.

“I can’t go.” She announced, biting the side of her lip. Jessica’s jaw dropped.

“What do you mean?” She squeaked loudly. Charlotte shrugged.

“My mom said we can’t go out this year. You know how she is.” She tried to play it off. Jessica put her hand on James’s shoulder and leaned in.

“Are we still going?” She asked softly. James looked at Jessica, then back to Charlotte.

“Did you want me to stay with you or go to the party?” He fumbled. Charlotte shrugged.

“I know how important the party is.” She assured. James nodded with excitement.

“We’ll catch you later, babe.” He kissed her on the cheek, holding his lips against her cheek for a lingering second. Charlotte watched as he left with Jessica. She sighed as she walked back upstairs and grabbed the journal from underneath her bed.

I can’t believe my mother wouldn’t let me go to the biggest party of the year! Jennifer’s been saying it’s going to be awesome. I don’t care if my mother is paranoid. The situation doesn’t even affect us, so why is she letting it get in the way of our lives? My life? I was so excited too! It was going to be my first real date with James that involved other people. More than that, our classmates. It was a chance for us to prove to the rumor mill that we were a legitimate couple, truly in love and all that. This night was supposed to change everything for us. I don’t know when I’ll get another chance like this. It’s not like these people invite me to many things. The only reason we thought we could get away with it was because it was Halloween. At least for me. James had been invited to Jennifer’s party directly. But Jennifer really hates me. I don’t think she wanted me to come, but Jessica begged. She’ll be thrilled that I don’t show up with James and Jessica. I just really hope I was seeing things. When they left, it looked like they were walking really close together. I don’t think Jessica would go for him. I mean, she’s dating Kevin, I think. Anyway, I don’t think James would do anything like that. He’s a sweetheart. I’m just being paranoid…