Chapter 28

“Here, take a look.” Liz instructed, handing a small stack of photographs in her direction. Hayden took the pictures and flipped through them.

“It looks like you had a really good time.” She observed. She pulled out a picture someone had taken of the whole family. Liz’s brother was old enough that he lived on his own with a wife and a baby on the way. He looked so different from the last time Hayden had seen him. She handed the pictures back. Liz put them back into the sleeve and put it on her dresser. Her family always had pictures developed of the family trips. Liz would put them into the photo albums. It was something her mom used to do, but it had become her job as she got older.

“It was so much fun.” Liz confirmed, nodding her head excessively. Hayden raised her eyebrow.

“Is something on your mind?” She asked softly. Liz looked over and bit the side of her lip.

“Can I tell you something?” She sighed.

“Of course.” Hayden nodded. Liz was quiet for a minute.

“I’m pregnant.” She declared, quickly covering her mouth with her hand. Hayden’s eyes went wide.

“Oh my God.” She squeaked. Liz was quiet again. Hayden shook her head.

“When did you and Brent have sex?” She questioned. Liz looked over at her, then burst out laughing.

“April Fool’s!” Liz shouted loudly. Hayden stared blankly at her. She grabbed one of the pillows and hit her with it.

“Don’t do that to me!” She lectured. Liz laughed.

“I had to. It was a lead in.” She insisted. Hayden raised her eyebrow.

“A lead in to what?” She questioned, crossing her arms. Liz smiled, like she was fondly remembering something. It took Hayden a minute or two to figure out where her mind was.

“Wait, you have?” Hayden sighed. Liz nodded.

“When I got home.” She confirmed. Hayden slowly shook her head.

“Oh, but I’m really safe. My dad makes sure of it. I’m already on birth control, we used a condom and a spermicide.” Liz explained. Hayden found her jaw dropping open again.

“What? You don’t?” Liz questioned. Hayden looked down at the floor awkwardly.

“Oh. You haven’t yet?” Liz asked softly. Hayden shook her head again. Liz bit her lip.

“Well, now I feel like a jerk. I didn’t mean to rub it in or anything.” She rambled. Hayden sighed.

“It’s okay. I can be happy for you. I’m just,” She paused. Liz put her hand on Hayden’s shoulder.

“You’re jealous?” She offered. Hayden nodded slowly.

“I’m not unhappy with Rob though.” She quickly defended. Liz nodded.

“No one said you were. You can be happy with him but unhappy with certain aspects of the relationship. That’s normal.” She explained. Hayden nodded.

“It must have been awkward to have this conversation with your parents.” She tried redirecting. Liz shook her head.

“My parents have always been pretty open with me about this stuff. My father is French. He says they know the most about love.” She answered. Hayden nodded.

“Oh.” She muttered. Liz moved to sit beside her on the floor.

“Hey, it’s not you. You know that, right?” Liz assured. Hayden faked a smile.

“It’s hard not to feel like it is.” She mumbled. Liz nodded slowly.

“I think you should write.” She suggested. Hayden raised her eyebrow.

“I already do?” She was confused. Liz laughed, shaking her head.

“I mean, about you and Rob.” She corrected.

“I’ve never thought about that.” Hayden confessed. Liz nodded.

“It’s a way that you might be able to get release. Safely and responsibly.” She added. Hayden laughed.

“What are you, my mother?” She groaned. Liz shook her head.

“I’m just a concerned friend.” She insisted. Hayden was quiet.

“I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try writing out some of my fantasies.” She agreed. Liz nodded.

“I’ll even proof-read them if you want!” She volunteered. Hayden faked a smile.

“Uh, no. I think they’ll be for my eyes only.” She argued. Liz shrugged.

“Or you could share them with Rob. Maybe it will give him ideas.”

Hayden took Liz’s advice. She went home and started writing out some of her fantasies. She had written in her journal about Rob, especially after their trip. That was more factual. With creative writing, she could explore things in her mind. She was never going to show anyone. Especially Rob. She would be embarrassed if he ever found out. It was something she needed to do for herself. Liz was right. Writing proved to be a release of sorts. Hayden filled an entire composition book in a weekend. She was halfway through another one, but had to put it aside and go to school.

Hayden started writing every day after school, once her homework was finished. She was wrapped up in her fantasies and Rob noticed. He pulled her aside at lunch and asked her why she was being so distant towards him. She didn’t know how to answer. She wasn’t trying to be distant. She was trying to work through things for herself. He didn’t wait for an answer. She didn’t see him for the rest of the day either.

On Saturday, Hayden headed over to Rob’s. She knew Brent was already at practice. She knew Rob wasn’t going. She knew he would be home alone. She didn’t really know what she was going to say to him. She just knew that they needed to talk. When he opened the door, it was obvious he had just been in the shower. He had his brown locks wrapped up in the towel. He seemed confused by Hayden’s appearance, but motioned for her to come inside. He headed into the kitchen, grabbing a can from the fridge. He held it in her direction. She nodded and took the can from him. She put it on the dining room table as she took her jacket off. She went to sit down, but he stopped her.

“Let’s go downstairs.” He suggested. She nodded, following behind him. They both put their cans on the table and dropped down on the couch. Hayden could see the Sega was paused in the background.

“Am I interrupting?” She asked, motioning to the screen. Rob shook his head.

“I didn’t think I’d see you today.” He sighed. She was quiet.

“Did Brent tell you?” She asked softly. Rob raised his eyebrow.

“About what?” He asked. Hayden took a deep breath.

“Him and Liz had sex.” She exhaled. Rob flew off the couch, spinning around.

“They’ve only been dating 2 months!” He screeched. Hayden nodded.

“Liz said they were both ready.” She added. Rob shook his head.

“It’s too soon.” He argued. He was pacing back and fourth with his hands on his head.

“Not everyone needs time, Rob.” She hinted. Rob looked over at her.

“I didn’t mean anything by that.” She quickly assured. He slowly shook his head.

“So that’s why you’ve been avoiding me?” He asked sharply. Hayden raised her eyebrow.

“I’m not trying to avoid you.” She tried assuring. He faked a smile.

“But you are.” He corrected. She nodded.

“I’m just embarrassed.” She assured. Rob raised his eyebrow.

“Why are you embarrassed?” He asked, sitting back down beside her. She looked away.

“Because I’ve been writing. About us.” She confessed. Rob’s lips briefly twitched into a smile.

“What?” He questioned. Hayden nodded slowly.

“It was just something Liz suggested. I figured I would give it a try. It’s really been helping in a few ways. I wasn’t going to tell you. You probably think I’m a weirdo now.” She sighed. Rob put his hand on her shoulder. She turned to face him and he kissed her softly.

“You are a weirdo, but I’ve already told you I like that.” He insisted. She nodded.

“I’m not trying to rush you, Rob. I meant it when I said I would be as patient as you need. But, I still have thoughts. I have to let those do what we can’t.” She tried explaining. Rob smiled.

“Can I read one?” He asked. She looked over at him with wide eyes.

“No!” She screeched. Rob laughed.

“Why not? They involve me.” He reasoned. She shook her head aggressively.

“I would die if you read any of it.” She insisted. Rob let out a deep sigh.

“You never let me read your writing.” He complained. Hayden shook her head again.

“This is private.” She argued. He rolled his eyes.

“You say that about everything. If I have a right to read anything, it’s what you’ve written about me.” He tried reasoning. Hayden kept shaking her head.

“It doesn’t work that way.” She argued. Rob let out another sigh.

“Maybe one day.” He continued. Hayden rolled her eyes. They were both quiet for a minute. Hayden thought about showing Rob some of her writing in the past. She was afraid. She was afraid of the judgments and criticism. She had already had enough of that from subjects of the past. It was usually classmates or friends that would mock her writing. She got used to keeping it as a secret hobby. Only her closest friends really knew she was a writer. She had never tried writing anything erotic. It wasn’t great. She knew she could trust Rob, but she wasn’t ready.

“I’m just not ready.” She sighed, If anyone understood that, it was Rob. He nodded.

“It’s okay. I can be patient.” He hinted. Hayden smiled to herself.

“Do you mind?” She asked softly. Rob raised his eyebrow.

“Do I mind what?” He questioned. She shrugged.

“That I’m writing about you. That I’m thinking about you. I know you’re not ready and it feels wrong to put you in that situation. Even in text.” She sighed. Rob moved closer and grabbed her hands.

“I already told you, I don’t mind.” He assured. She was quiet again.

“Actually, I think it’s flattering.” He confessed. She raised her eyebrow.

“You do?” She questioned. Rob nodded. He slowly leaned forward and kissed her.

“You must really love me to make me the subject of your writing.” He noted. Hayden smiled.

“I’ve always loved you.”

Hayden went home and pulled out some of her old composition books. Once a book was filled, it was stored under the bed with the rest. There were a few random stories she wrote that she could see sharing with Rob. She was willing to start somewhere. She wanted to be more vulnerable with him. She could see how much he was trying to be vulnerable for her. She wanted to meet him halfway. He was uneasy about some things and she was uneasy about others. She knew there was no such thing as a perfect relationship. She was willing to put in the work. Rob was worth the effort.

“I finished reading both.” Rob announced proudly. Hayden opened the front door and motioned for him to come inside. He handed her back the composition books. She had only given them to him the day before. He ran one of his hands through his hair.

“So?” Hayden asked softly. Rob smiled widely.

“You have such a vivid imagination.” He complimented. She smiled.

“Thank you.” She answered bashfully. She headed into the living room, Rob following behind her. He sat down at the love seat while she dropped down on the couch.

“I really enjoyed your writing Hayden.” He exhaled. She nodded.

“Thank you.” She repeated. He nodded.

“But, there’s a problem.” He started. She raised her eyebrow.

“What do you mean?” She questioned. Rob sighed.

“That didn’t satisfy my curiosity. It only made me want to read more.” He hinted. She shook her head.

“Don’t push your buttons.” She dismissed. He shook his head.

“I’m not going to. I’ll wait. I just, can’t wait. You know?” He rambled.

“I’m glad you enjoyed.” She smiled.

“Do you ever write about us, romantically?” He asked under his breath. Hayden raised her eyebrow.

“Are you being bashful?” She questioned.

“I was just curious.” He shrugged. Hayden laughed, nodding her head.

“It’s probably half and half.” She answered. She could see his eyes light up when she did. He was so adorable with that sparkle in his eyes. She wanted to see that sparkle all the time.