Chapter 29

Anne invited Hayden and Liz out to brunch just before mother’s day. It was an unofficial mother’s day brunch. Hayden had a theory it was Anne’s way of comparing the relationships her boys were in. She had expressed curiosity to Hayden. She refused to answer any of Anne’s questions. She felt like it was Rob’s responsibility to tell his mother what they did or didn’t do. She maintained that every time Anne tried to corner her and ask. It was becoming frequent.

Hayden met Liz outside the restaurant. Liz was pacing back and fourth. Hayden had never seen her this nervous. It was even worse than the family dinner. It was just Anne. This was more intimate.

“Hey.” Hayden greeted as she approached. Liz looked over at her.

“Oh thank God. I thought I was going to have to go in alone!” She exclaimed. Hayden smiled.

“I wouldn’t do that to you.” She assured. Liz nodded and the two girls walked into the restaurant. Anne, Brent and Rob were already sitting at their table. Anne stood up and waved the girls over. Liz nudged Hayden’s shoulder as they started walking.

“Do you know what this is about?” She asked under her breath. Hayden faked a smile.

“I have a few thoughts, but it won’t make you feel any better.” She sighed. Liz let out a deep breath.

“Hello!” She greeted Anne cheerily. Anne nodded and motioned for the girls to have a seat. Anne was sitting in the middle of a round table with Brent on one side and Rob on the other. Liz took a seat beside Brent and Hayden took the seat beside Rob. She briefly looked around the table and giggled to herself. She wasn’t used to going on dates, let alone double dates. She was warming up to the idea though. As it was becoming more common, she was really starting to like the double dates. It was less pressure than a regular date. It gave Hayden and Rob a buffer. It wasn’t that they needed a buffer, but it helped distract from how far they hadn’t gone. Liz and Brent were overly expressive of their physical attraction to each other. Rob and Hayden didn’t have to be. The four of them had an interesting balance. The difference was Anne’s presence.

Hayden and Liz both ordered water and nothing else. Rob insisted that Hayden get a milkshake, because that’s something she would usually order. She refused, which led to Rob ordering himself a milkshake he wouldn’t drink. Eventually, Hayden took the glass from in front of him and drank it herself. Rob smiled the entire time. Liz had a salad for lunch, which was common for her. Hayden ordered the same thing as Rob, which was common for her. Anne smiled when Rob ordered for Hayden, but Hayden rolled her eyes. She was too used to it. He wasn’t being chivalrous, as his mother might have thought. He just knew that Hayden was shy and had a hard time ordering for herself. He was being a good friend to her. He always had been.

Anne asked the girls a lot of questions over lunch. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to any of them. They were completely random. Some of them were very personal, while others seemed generic or almost like a joke question. Hayden wasn’t sure what Anne was trying to do. For one, Anne already knew everything about Hayden. She had been her babysitter a lot growing up. Hayden saw her as a second mother and her own mother was well-aware. Anne was a teacher and a mentor. Anne was one of Hayden’s favorite people. Her son was Hayden’s favorite though. She found herself getting lost in her thoughts about him. He was such an amazing guy. She wondered how she got so lucky.

“Hayden?” Anne’s voice broke through her thoughts. Hayden looked over.

“I’m sorry.” She immediately apologized. Anne nodded.

“I just asked if you had thought about college. I think with your grades, you might be able to get a full ride.” She repeated. Hayden slowly shook her head.

“My grades have actually fallen. A lot.” She confessed, looking down at the table.

“Really?” Liz questioned. Anne raised her eyebrow.

“Rob, how are yours?” She asked. He shrugged.

“Normal.” He assured. Anne nodded, looking over at the other two.

“Liz?” She hinted. Liz nodded.

“I have my top 3 picked out.” She proudly assured. Anne nodded again.

“That’s good to hear.” She assured. Anne looked at Brent.

“How have your grades been?” She asked. Brent looked down at the table.

“Bad.” He openly admitted. Anne shook her head.

“I see.” She sighed. Brent quickly looked up.

“I’m going to do a summer program to make up for it. I talked to the guidance counselor already.” He assured. Anne was quiet, then nodded.

“Okay. I think that’s a great idea.” She agreed. Brent looked over at Liz and smiled. Under the table, Rob grabbed Hayden’s hand and gently squeezed. Hayden tried not to smile too brightly.

After lunch, Hayden and Rob went back to his place. They were hanging out outside at the park.

“Rob. Come here a second.” Anne screeched. Rob nodded and headed towards his house. Hayden watched as Rob went inside. Instead of following him, Anne started walking towards her. Hayden nervously stood up to greet her.

“I wanted to talk to you.” She sighed. Hayden nodded.

“About what?” She stumbled. Anne crossed her arms.

“You and my son having sex.” She answered sternly. Hayden looked down at the pavement.

“I know you’re not.” Anne added. Hayden looked up and raised her eyebrow.

“How?” She questioned. Anne shook her head.

“Brent’s grades went down when him and Liz started seeing each other. I know Rob’s a good kid, but, I expected some sliding.” She explained. Hayden nodded.

“We’re not ready.” She mumbled. Anne reached forward and put her hand on Hayden’s shoulder.

“You mean he’s not ready.” She corrected. Hayden didn’t say anything. Anne nodded.

“I knew it.” She sighed. Hayden raised her eyebrow.

“I think I may know why he’s not ready. I should have listened to my fucking instinct.” Anne snapped. Hayden’s eyes went wide. She had never heard Anne swear in the past.

“I’m sorry?” She questioned. Anne shook her head.

“I need to talk to my son.” She insisted. Hayden nodded. She walked with Anne back to the house, but continued on her way home. She knew that Anne was telling her so that she would know that Rob wasn’t going to be coming back outside today. He was in trouble. For something.

“So, my mother knows everything.” Rob exhaled. Hayden wedged the phone between her ear and her shoulder and sat up in her bed.

“What?” She squeaked. Rob was quiet for a minute.

“She knows, everything.” He repeated. Hayden was also quiet.

“About us, or?” She hinted. She heard Rob laugh on the other end of the phone.

“Everything. She figured out what happened. She figured out what hasn’t.” He sighed.

“That’s awkward.” She noted. Rob laughed again.

“Yeah. Kinda.” He agreed. She was quiet for a minute.

“So, what does that mean?” She finally asked. He was quiet for a minute.

“She basically told me to get over it because I was going to lose you.” He summarized.

“No!” Hayden gasped.

“Yeah.” He argued.

“She doesn’t know us very well then.” Hayden insisted.

“Are you sure? I mean, what if I’m never ready Hayden?” He suggested. She was quiet.

“Then I guess my mother will be happy I waited until marriage.” She figured. Rob was quiet.

“Oh, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to imply anything.” Hayden quickly apologized.

“No, you don’t have to.” He assured. They were both quiet.

“I don’t want to lose you Hayden.” Rob sighed.

“I already told you, I would stand by you. There’s nothing you could do to change my opinion.” She insisted. Rob was quiet again, but she heard him sigh.

“Is it always going to be like this?” He asked.

“I wouldn’t mind if it were.” She assured.

“I want to be more for you.” He insisted. Hayden smiled.

“You’re already everything to me.” She insisted. Rob let out another sigh, but this one sounded different. When he spoke, she could hear the smile in his voice.

“I love you too.”

Hayden had the feeling Rob was always going to be insecure about sex. She hoped that one day, Rob would be able to accept himself the way he was, like she had. He had started on the journey to acceptance and healing, but he still had a long way to go. She wanted to be there, as his friend and his partner. But she knew he had to get there in his own time, in his own way. She was just supposed to be a support system for him. She couldn’t be the solution and she knew that. She had come to terms with that months ago. She was comfortable with her own body and satisfying her own urges. She didn’t need a boyfriend to be satisfied. Hayden just enjoyed Rob’s companionship, and the softness of his lips. She didn’t really care how often she got to kiss him, she was just happy that she did.

When they first started dating, Hayden really believed she was the reason Rob was hesitant about sex. The more they fooled around, the more she realized he really was struggling. It was obvious their relationship was never going to have that kind of intimacy. Over time, Rob made his affections blatantly obvious. He was expressive towards her in every other way. He was affectionate and doting. He was obviously proud of their relationship. He told everyone who would ask and anyone who would listen. Hayden could never question the sincerity of his feelings for her again. She was certain that this was the man she was going to marry.

Sex wasn’t important to the relationship. Intimacy was important. They had that long before they ever thought about a relationship. Sex would have just made things more complicated and messy. Liz & Brent started arguing after they had sex. Hayden never wanted that to happen to her and Rob. It would break her heart. The relationship was absolutely perfect in Hayden’s eyes. There was nothing she would change. She was in love with everything they were.

She had been thinking a lot about marrying Rob. It was just a silly fantasy she was playing with in her head. But she found it was starting to become a common theme for her. She didn’t know how to take his reaction over the phone when she said the word. She wanted to take it back as soon as it slipped from her lips, but it was too late. She put that out into the Universe and into his head. Now he knew she was thinking of it. She was a little embarrassed, because it felt so silly. She wished she could have seen the look on his face. That would have told her everything she needed to know. Maybe the solution was to bring up marriage again in person and see how he would react. She didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable though. If she brought it up, she might be faced with the reality that he doesn’t want to think of her and marriage. She had no idea how she would handle that. It would completely shatter her image of the future. Whether or not it was silly, it was still something she was enjoying in her head and she didn’t want reality to steal that away from her.

There were just some things that were better kept inside her head. Her sexual fantasies. Her fairy tales. The concept of marrying Rob was going to be one of them. These were her thoughts, and they weren’t meant to be dissected by anyone. She had to preserve her hopes and dreams. She had to believe in something more for them. She was afraid if she let go, the whole thing would feel pointless.